These days of happiness grow thin
and i am never whole
the pain burns inside of me
the need to sin consumes me
i hold up my knife and father
i take my life
A contest entry
- Dark poetry by cutekitten789.
800 points, ended December 11, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow short but dark, I like the darkness I am feeling with this short little poem. Good Job
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great poem keep up the great work
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wow very short and good
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wow wow wow
I think this was absolutely brilliant!!! Very simple yet your words were powerful with emotions... great job! pretty dark write too...
Keep penning!
~Ranji
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interesting, this is deep & full of raw emotion. personaly i would have lyked to see this written long but thats just me. this is fantastic & i hope you continue to write lyk this in the future.
--Blessed be--
Shacadia Shay
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wow. DRAMATIC. but deep. short poems are very often very good, very meaningful poems, and you've got that downpat. though you might want to try a bit of imagery. it often when included successfully in poems has a really great effect on how it comes out. but as with all imagery, you hae to make sure it doesn't over power what you are trying to get across, the point you're making. though in this poem you made your point very well, although this poem does not tell Why you have pain burning inside you, it doesn't tell WHY you are never whole. you don't necessarily have to put in the why of it, but just a little why, can help the reader understand. experiment, try things out, and see what works out. Very good Job. if i had any applause left i'd give you 3.
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Quick as the action and down to the hilt. really good and bold. KillerRain.
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thanks
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Short...but good. I like it
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this is very deeeeep
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like so many other poems...this poem has sadness i asked for but not the holliday tune i wanted...
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