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3.24 am

 

 

 

 

 

I emptied my eyes,

in more than just some metaphors;

 

You spelled out my insolence

as you cyphered those seconds,

I spoiled the imagery

                (only you find)

in your snoring syllables.

 

 

    The moon awoke

      as the curtains danced

   on the rhythm 

            of wind.

 

Your dream,

     disturbed -

My slumber,

     caught in echoes

     of your vibrant voice.

 

Then, you turned your pillow.

 

           dream on, my boy

               dream on...
 

 

 

 

 


 

Author notes

Well...

My boyfriend snores, and last night - when I woke him up because it was a bit too loud to my likings, he got very angry at me, but I noticed he was still sleeping.

He talks sometimes in his sleep. Luckily I know that or I'd be angry - lol - especially with what he said last night I failed to catch a deep sleep afterwards so that's where the poem comes from

Anyway, hope you like it.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Lj-
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oooo, I like.

    Best of luck.


  • in silver script
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice...I love the imagery in this. Thanks for entering :-)


  • a dozenglassroses
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Cool great job penning this with us!

  • Amaranthine Lover gold member
    January 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ****

    this is a beautiful piece everything about it was perfect great inspiration point wish mundane life would hit me just in the same way thanks for entering

  • wakingdevil
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just loved these lines:
    The moon awoke
    as the curtains danced
    on the rhythm
    of wind.

    The imagery was fantastic and it flowed immaculately.Also had a slightly funny tinge to it lol...best of luck


  • Layne..
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh WOW, this gave me such a smile, so beautiful... i love the imagery and the snoring syllables, this was great, I am glad I came across your page
    -Layne


  • Ladybug
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    superb

    this is cute and reminds me of my talking days when my lover would wake me up by talking back to me or asking me bizzure questions.

    you demonstrate well your poetry qualities

    good metaphor and meter used here

    pen on till the ink runs dry

    Tamara


  • GuardianPhoenix7289
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Haha talks in his sleep...

    Well my family reports I YELL in my sleep. Oh yah I win. But anyways.... for such a simple topic, I liked how you structured this poem.. very unique. And nice word choice... I liked it. Great job and good luck in the contest!


  • katie-jo
    December 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think that some of the best poetry happens when you least expect it, like in the middle of the night and you're awakened by snoring, and thus incapable of falling back to sleep. One letter at a time as the nighttime minutes slip through your fingers, and before you know it you have an amazing poem. Congrats on being a victim of late-night poetry inspiration, it has given you a great poem here.
    Thank you for entering and all the best in the contest.

    Happy New Year!
    kate-flamingo

  • sidewinder silver member
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes it surprises what one finds out during those whispers of night as one drifts of within their sleep!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
    Bill


  • volcaniclastic
    December 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really, really good. My boyfriend snores a lot too, drives me crazy - but I usually just poke him hard in the ribs, and he stops

  • LeanneBridgewater
    December 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    this is well told - it's interesting what people say in their sleep - i hope you get sleep tonight!
    keep up your good writing1
    love
    Leanne

  • Celticmoon gold member
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    CRICKET. Please keep your entry in the contest

  • B Chandler
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Commentary

    CRICKET. Please keep your entry in the contest

  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting piece. I enjoyed it very much.
    This poem was written very well. It did indeed just roll off the page as per the rules in the contest.
    All and all, A very good read.
    Thank you so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck.

  • Yemassee silver member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I snore very loudly and I know Mariza does, and sometimes it's a little difficult when suddenly awakened...I can be a little grumpy if someone says something, so I can see why he acted as he did, even if he wasn't asleep, I mean.

    The poem, you've certainly caught that feeling, your indignation at his reaction, and I like the allusions here.

    On the serious side, I wonder if he's tired a lot? I doubt, with that snoring he gets a good nights sleep, I know I don't...maybe a bad nose, deviated septum or something. I'm done playing doctor.


    • leander Moderators member
      December 11, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      Well, he never complaints about being tired, only if he had like 6 hours of sleep or so but that's because he went to bed too late.
      He had nose surgery about 2 months back, assuring me his snoring would be gone, or be reduced to almost nothing but it changed a bit

      ah well once a snorer, always a snorer huh though I can't laugh with it as much either when he keeps me from sleeping

      Thank you for commenting

  • one shot
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, when I read the authors comments, the first thing I thought was how did you manage to pull so much art out of a seemingly normal and everyday life situation? Beautiful piece, I liked the combinations of dreams, waking, the moon, and all those symbols which you've used... Great title by the way. It seems you have stopped the time at 3.24 am and created around that precise moment...
    oneshot.
    PS: Try whistling, it helps!
    PPS: I just read the title of the contest you'd entered this in... "A Moment in Time" - definitely makes sense now! haha


  • Nicolette gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    3:42 am is a terrible time to be kept from sleep - in anybody's language! But if it leads to poems like this one then I think Jovy should snore more - and that will cause you to write more often, my friend . This is lovely - years from now you'll both smile about the memory you've penned here!!

    ~ Nicolette


  • LadyUnique silver member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    husbands #2 and #3 were/are horrific snorers. yeah i know... THREE husbands well i started young and no i haven't killed any! #3 is what i have now and he's the worst as far as snoring goes. he talks, laughs, walks, juggles, etc. in his sleep. he now has his own room

    i like this a snapshot caught with words not a camera. those are the writes i find hardest.

    way to go!

    love the title


    • leander Moderators member
      December 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, well... I have my own room too, but it's too cold at night to change rooms so I stubbornly lay beside him, and kick once in a while
      Thankies for the visit sweety

  • MariGoes gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    When you can show your personal moments in such a poetic way, is when we know that you can write about anything, and make from your poems a enjoyable read

    Poor Jovy, his snore is becoming famous here
    When we love, there is always a way to make unpleasant things better. Buy ear plugs and you both will have the moon dancing all night long.



    • leander Moderators member
      December 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Ear plugs don't work - I wouldn't be able to catch sleep because I'd be annoyed with them, stuffed in my ears

      • MariGoes gold member
        December 10, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        One word: tsk

        • leander Moderators member
          December 10, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          I remember I looked that word up one day but I forgot it's actualy meaning lol

          • MariGoes gold member
            December 10, 2007
            Edit | Reply
            I know you did, that is why I repeated lol
            Just means, ach or something like that
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