Frozen the trees stand on this cold night,
caught in the grips of winter’s fickle hand.
A North wind blows their frozen branches,
barren, froze some break, unable to sway.
As the new day passes and sun warms again,
the snow clouds forming dark and ominously.
Big wet white snowflakes begin to quickly fall,
as they blanket our world in crystalline white.
As sun grows warmer, the snow turns to slush,
and near sundown temperatures begin to drop.
By the dawn the trees resemble ice sculptures.
branches appear the most delicate of crystal.
Again the North wind cools the sun’s warmth,
as it dances off ice covered skeletons in wait.
I marvel at the strength a tree must possess,
exposed, yet weathers all storms year to year.
Standing naked for the world to see; encased,
by clear shimmering ice, I see her inner beauty.
Humbly she stands proud, if only for admiration.
All seasons presents new challenges for trees.
On the edge of spring, before winter has let go,
for days temperatures climb fooling an old tree.
Soon they will begin to bud again with earnest,
only to freeze again as winter retains it's grip.
Tonight I listen to the trees outside my window,
almost seems to moan under heavy icy weight.
Branches in the wind tinkling like wind chimes,
what burden life has given the old majestic tree.
Author notes
POW Free Verse (Trees in winter)
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hi Dawn,
Gosh, you weren't inspired by our recent snowstorms, were you?
You know...I love the imagery in this, but I really kind of expected you to end up using the tree, under all that winter weight, as a metaphor for how people can still survive and thrive under harsh conditions. The fact that you didn't, and stuck to your theme, could be a good or bad thing. It might have added more emotional depth to the write, but on the other hand it kept me guessing.
Toying with some alliteration would be a great thing for this poem, and help bring out the beauty of the imagery even more.
"Big wet white snowflakes begin to quickly fall," I think you need to be careful of having soooo many adjectives in a row like that, as it begins to bog the sentence down. But, if you are going to do it, make sure you get those commas in there to separate each adjective.
As has been noted, the punctuation and grammar need a bit of tweaking yet; I noticed at least one place where a word has an "s" that shouldn't be there, just little things like that.
This is one of my favorite reads of this POW, even as I sit here wishing for spring already. lol Thanks so much for a lovely entry, and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Thank you
Actually I was inspired by recent snowstorms! I re-did the piece while it was in the contest then found out it was a no-no, so I put the original back, I am sure you would like the newer version better. I used more personification in it. I will however work on it some more. I like your idea and you are right it is something I would do in my writing, but I was writing free verse which is extremely tough for me for some unknown reason, I have very few free verse poems. I was really reaching to even enter it in a POW I thought. You folks help my writing with your critiques plain and simple. I appreciate it and hopefully eventually all of it will sink in so it becomes natural to use personification, metaphor, poetic devices and so on. Thank you for the time and kind comments, all very much appreciated. Merry Christmas!
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Hi Dawn,
If you are more comfortable writing in rhyme than free verse, I'd suggest you try writing this both ways, then see which you like or think is better. There is no rule that says you can't experiment, or that free verse is better than rhyme, or vice versa. It's fantastic you're working with something you aren't as comfortable with; it's how we grow as writers. But some poems really do seem to be meant more for one or the other, and you don't always know which until you try both. But in any case, I look forward to seeing the revised version once the contest has concluded.
Oh, and...Happy Holidays to you, too!
~J.
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No, I am not a judge. Yes, I do like to do critiques which, from my experience at this site, I thought would be appreciated.
You are right, my critique of your work does read harshly and, for that, I apologize.
Your poem doesn't stink or I might have said it. I chose to critique the poems entered in the POW because I've been told that some of the better poets enter. There is a lot of poetry at this site that, in my opinion, does stink. Reading these entries is my way to cull more quickly.
I realize that you can't make changes now. My critiques are meant to help a poet overall or make suggestions to improve their poem, not for one contest.
I'm truly sorry if I've offended you. You do use language well.
Jim -
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No offense taken
I just thought perhaps you needed to be reminded of a poets sensitivity. You also reviewed one of my haiku a bit harshly not long ago. I love critiques but with a side of sensitivity Jim (hubby's name too) Are all Jim's a tad insensitive? LOL No need to apoligize, all is well, just my way of getting your attention. Thanks for taking the time to respond, I just might have to re-pay the favor. 
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I am not crazy about the title because it seems to refer more to the ice than the tree.
There are still punctuation problems after your rewrite. In the first line, for instance, there should be a comma after 'Frozen' and none at the end of the line.
You paint some nice word pictures discribing the tree and the scene. However, I don't understand "Humbly she stands proud,". It seems an oxymoron.
Jim
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Are you a judge?
I can't help but notice while reading the others poems you love to critique. A suggestion? Try to be a bit less negative, I cannot fix errors until after the contest say the rules and I must adhere to them to even be here. Since you did not say one positive thing about this piece, you could have just said "it stinks" would have saved you time. Oops I stand corrected I just saw where you DID say a positive. But it was hard to find buried in all the negative.
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I love your wording in this. The images are great and it reads nicely.
Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you
I very much appreciate your kind comments and applause, thank you!
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Arrggg!
I can't believe AP just lost my Review!
Anyhoos....as I was saying.......hehe......'Lodie has already mentioned what I noticed first.....the repeating of words ~
On the other side of the coin.....I think this is a splendid write with such Imagery, Focus and Theme to carry your entry into high marks for this POW contest ~
I am usually NOT a fan of taking your Theme and staying within strict borders, and going on and on about the same thing.....however, you did such a marvelous job with this, that I have to give you credit and props for taking your time and thinking about each stanza you so wisely chose to pen ~
Let's see how it scores......
.....good luck my Friend!
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.85
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 9.8
Grammar 9.95
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 99.6
Woo Hoo!
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Thank you bear!
I very much appreciate your kind comments and score! Woo Hoo is right!! I was still working on it when your review came in, maybe you should look again, I attempted to use EnAttendants suggestions, which were very good as always. I just love a good critique it only serves to make my work better and that is the whole point. Again thank you and have Happy Holidays!
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Several grammar/punctuation errors that I saw, so do a reread focusing just on grammar. Also you use articles such as "the" somewhat inconsistently.
I saw quite a few repeated words, such as crystal, world, ice, freeze, grip. Bust out that thesaurus and get to work! There are too many words in the English language to ever repeat one in a poem
A few awkward line breaks that I struggled over, but for the most part I think the flow was good.
Excellent job on the title. You didn't just pull a line from the poem, but you managed to encompass the whole of the piece.
I think you can pull in more emotions. Maybe use some personification (which would also add a poetic device) and tell us more of what the tree feels. You did that a bit with "she stands proud", and I think you can expand on it to really strengthen this piece.
Great imagery. You really made me see this tree encased in ice but still standing strong.
The theme isn't terribly original, but your way of presenting it goes a long way towards making it your own.
Overall, one of the best I've seen from you! A little tweaking is what it needs
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Thanks EnAttendant
Your great suggestions and critique was so helpful, I so appreciate the time you put into your comments, it helps me immensely. Every suggestion was valid and needed attention, once I got back at it as you suggested I saw each error. I got a 99.6 from bear and I doubt I could do any better. Just to let you know I rarely write free verse. I am giving it a go where I knew I would receive good critiquing. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Happy Holidays to you and yours!
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you're quite welcome!
It's always nice to see that there are people who really want honest critiques. People like you, who have maturity, humility, and a desire to grow will always end up better poets than anyone with some small talent who is too proud to listen to advice.
In my opinion, your work shows that. Your rhythm, imagery, power, etc. improves week to week and I can see it.
Your good attitude and desire to learn are a model for us all!
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