Release!
My senses celebrate.
I suck in the scents of broken air,
and laughing, squeak with mock alarm
As growling heralds bash their chest-rumbling drums.
And with whispered war-cry, blessed relief leaps from dark painted clouds
to saturate and save.
And wetly covers
the road, and silvers the surface;
the trees, and teases and tosses each weighty leaf;
my hair and sticks it without ceremony to my head;
and kisses my face with a thousand happinesses.
As fast as it came, it is gone again.
Spent. Done.
And the memories gather, falsely bright reminders of the moment,
Left behind, in pools that I can tickle with my finger.
Author notes
(Using the image of the fingertip touching the pool of water.) There was more to this picture than met the eye - it had to have begun somewhere. And where better than a deluge of tropical rain?
A contest entry
- The Four Elements by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended December 17, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Can one be poetic about the fun of a rainstorm? I like the thought - and you?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
wonderful take on the prompt. tropical rain...it speaks everything through your words. my favourite stanza is the first one.
-
Beautiful and very original.
I love your refreshingly unique descriptions.
In the second stanza, I felt that the word "and" was used a bit too much... maybe you can somehow cut some of those out?
Other than that, this is absolutely wonderful!!!
-
think you got it covered. Nice imagry. I thought it was a rain storm at the end. but water indeed. Wetly, hmmm never heard of this word . will look it up.
-
Outstanding! This is exactly what I was looking for. The imagery and original descriptions in this piece left me in complete awe. Everything from the (pardon the paraphrasing) “sucking in scents of broken air”, to the “teasing leaves”, all culminating with a wonderful description of the ripple in the photo as being “tickled with your finger”. The emotion in this poem is also incredibly well done; I feel the “blessed relief” and hopeful reflection throughout. Reflection is a perfect tone to have when writing a poem about water. Can you tell I liked it?
Thank you for entering and good luck (doubt you’ll need it).
-
-
Oh wow - I hoped I'd not done too bad a job, so its great to know I managed a smile and a nod. I look forward to reading more of your work, and sincerely apologise if my disgusting deadlines leave me out of time to add any meaningful comments. Poet-erise on!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
