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Mingled Realm

 

 

Existence a mingled realm which we dwell,
reality is asserted with glorious impurity;
actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell.

Juxtapose logic to belief and one must quell,  
abstract decorum damned in obscurity,
existence a mingled realm which we dwell.

Independence a disease which will compel
eager ambition to kill perceived immaturity,
actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell.

Beauty is a terrifically suspect magic spell
romancing false obsessions with purity,
existence a mingled realm which we dwell.

As Love arrives it bids a word of farewell,
in its own defense the heart needs security;
actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell.

Complexities simplified before the death knell,
living the only guarantee against death's surety;
existence a mingled realm which we dwell;
actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

- A Villanelle

_______________________________________________________

A very famous Villanelle can be found here
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/2906-Dylan-Thomas-Do-Not-Go-Gentle-Into-That-Good-Night
_______________________________________________________

 

... for a greater understanding of the meaning of this poem watch this short video

http://www.seedmagazine.com/news/2007/03/seed_video_feature_jonathan_le_1.php

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 44 of 44
  • cirque du soleil
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is good, but it wasn't what I had in mind...this is much too general for me..I was hoping for something more specific to Las Vegas

    Thank you anyway, though


  • MysticalRayne
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good and i like the fact you use no cliche words ~ thank you for sharing

  • ecrivain01
    April 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This isn't a bad job ...

    but if you'd change "which" here to "wherein" it would make a lot more sense:

    Existence a mingled realm which we dwell, (wherein we dwell)

    Otherwise, you'd done a credible job with this. Thanks for entering.


    • Grimoire
      April 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      EDITED

      Edited with your revision as suggested, hopefully it allows this poem to read properly, to the meaning within, without being distracted by that grammatical error. You were not the first person to suggest I revise it with "where" or
      "wherein"...

      humbly,
      Grimoire


  • nitefire
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have alot of respect for the form of this poem. I myself pay no attention to form although I think I may take an ap class or two on the subject. i have to tell you how inspiring this was to me. The poem and video got me thinking and writing. It is not as good as this but if you want to read it....http://allpoetry.com/poem/4131959#
    Thank you! ~Leah


  • 2lullabyhaven
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your excellent entry


  • Lyndon gold member
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you indeed

    for this presentable villanelle given here in tribute. I am honoured and say thank you because, for one, I followed every line with interest.
    Your warning, "actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell' is puzzling unless correctly interpreted within your context.
    Thank you.

  • almostgone
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job with the villanelle. Very much the shades of Dylan Thomas with this piece. It seems to flow quite nicely and keeping with form.

    Your first stanza is the one that spoke to me the most. The imperfections of our lives and how it affects our own existance.

    The only line I couldnt quite get into was "Beauty is a terrificly suspect magic spell". Not sure if it was the sounding of the words, but I understood it's meaning. To me, it gave an awkward sound. But what do I know

    Overall, a more than exceptional piece and a lovely read. You kept me attentive to the very end. Excellent!


  • aslanlight
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think you asked the wrong person to comment on this. Although it's well written and the your use of language is adept my thoughts run utterly the opposite to everything you've written. Sorry!

    Peace Georgia

    • Grimoire
      April 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Then I believe it may have hit the mark true. For everything has as opposite but equal force, so it is said.
      No need to apologize, in fact, I am quite smitten with myself if I have had such an effect... though do not take this as a personal afront, but rather that I am justifying my own twisted notion of this current reality I am entertaining. Maybe I even had a sporadic moment of sanity again, and wrote something intelligible, cogent, or even rational....ugh.

      Peace,
      Grimoire


  • HopelessScribbles gold member
    March 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yep I agree this could be workable as a stage act, check into it and run...good luck
    tp


  • Errant Panther
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very well constructed and versed villanelle, plenty of food for thought. I am not certain that the capitalization at the beginning of each line is necessary, but that may just be a reflection of your style.Well done, best wishes for the contest.

    • Grimoire
      March 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I supposed it may just be my ignorance... but I assumed that since it was "form" poetry that it held true to that form that each line began with a capital letter... I am not certain if it really matters. I do find it very distracting in free verse and can see your intention.

      until exhale,
      Grimoire


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Dark and Powerful

    This is powerful. I have read this twice over now and it still retains its power. I do agree with the comment below that it needs to be performed on some sort of stage. I like the energy within this piece. It is dark.

    Keep Writing
    Wayne Leon


    Beauty is a 'terrificly' suspect magic spell

     

    Should be terrifically. 

    • Grimoire
      March 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Edited the typo, thanx. I am glad that it is stageworthy, though not certain that what that entails as a compliment, beyond the words must flow with an ease to allow for clarity through spoken, instead of written, words.

      thanx again
      until exhale,
      Grimoire


  • Ephiphany
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting,..full of Deep thoughts

    I felt you did well in penning this piece for the current contest, good luck to you and thanks for sharing.

    E


  • Unsigned gold member
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok without looking at anything else....this is a stage poem..what I mean is it should be performed on stage..under dark lighting and goth like backgrounds...really powerful I could almost hear music building in the background as I read...
    I think I will keep my vision of this write and not look into where it actually came from...
    A thing of beauty my friend...

    Simon

  • ecrivain01
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting write ...

    but you are misusing "which" in one of the main lines. It should be "where we dwell".

    Otherwise, not bad.

    Thanks for entering.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is such a powerful and unique piece which speak with such truth and beauty in your words well done with this


  • delightfulmess silver member
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh what a unique poem... Great alliteration
    Best of luck to you in the contest.


    Delila


  • Blooming Poet
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so true and so beautiful. this stanza is amazing:
    Complexities simplified before the death knell,
    Living the only guarantee against death's surety.
    Existence a mingled realm which we dwell.
    Actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell.<


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    interesting poem...

    so very well written, I just wrestled with the message
    in it a bit. But my goodness, it so very well written,
    the soft flowing rhyming and flow through out.
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen : )) very well written, excellent
    structures...this is a poem
    you real chew on!


  • Blue Spirit
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great poem. i love the rhythm and the rhyme and the flow, it soothes a soul. the alliteration is just perfect. this, indeed, is a great write. thanks for sharing


  • grannyeri gold member
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Have never tired to write this form, but you certainly make it look easy. Great flow, rhythm, rhyme and alliteration in these lines. Lots of images and easy to read and understand. Well wishes in the contest.


  • MikHeal T HaVoC
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    great write

    very very good! the imagery in this owned! lol. i love imagery and this had alot in it, i really like it. keep it up =]


  • cafegroundzero gold member
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for sharing


    This will be my homework for lunch hour. Or siesta hour.

  • wizbang99
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    there and back again

    two words meaning the same thing, from different vantages.....they lead inexorably in the same direction...does one rise, one fall, or ar we all lit the same by either? In the end does it matter this ceaseless round? Is hell a place or a state of mind you ask? Logic in proportion, whatever that means..I especially like " Independence a disease which will compel Eager ambition to kill perceived immaturity" we've all been there murdering little parts of ourselves, when percieved poorly in our own eyes we cut off the offending limb,in psyche/flesh.. Wordy but stark, nice writing
    viva las vegas...


  • Megan Awesome
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Very good and very interesting. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
    Megan


  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A Brilliant piece, very well penned. Some fantastic imagery in here...and I LOVE the picture! Very well penned


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    December 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awesome piece of work!
    great job with the form!

    best of luck in the contests

    Tasha

  • machine
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully Dark. Love the rhyme scheme. I have not written that type of poem, but it is a wounderful piece!


  • sidewinder silver member
    December 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    crimson tears fall on that serrated skin where pain is wrenched from a tormented soul as one hears those echoes within that dark abyss itself!

    Another interesting perspective!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
    Bill


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    December 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :0

    wow!!!!!!!
    YAY! I LOVE YOUR DICTION IN THIS PIECE and
    the flow is just astounding.
    You've strung words together brilliantly my friend,
    kudos
    this took true intellignece

  • ears2hearyou gold member
    December 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    So smartly written....gave me the chills!

    So much depth in your write!
    My gawd!
    absolutely astounded!
    so...was it a peppermint candy cane overdose?
    that brought this out of you?
    I'll send you a box or two!
    wow! great dark write!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen
    (corrupt must be smiling ear to ear)
    was intrigued by the format...just loved it!
    it was like a spirit voice..an echo.


  • Mallig gold member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent and quite deep, I love what you did with this beautiful form. This is great, "Existence a mingled realm which we dwell
    Romancing false obsessions with purity
    Actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell"


  • Menace
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It seems your work does not fit most contest my friend. You are definitely an original with most pieces. Good form, good emotion. Good luck!

  • OhNoChastity
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "As love arrives it bids a word of farewell"

    Great line, really holds a lot of truth. I enjoy the poem overall though sometimes the refrain didn't quite fit.

    Heh, really have no right to say that because I know I wouldn't tackle anything like this; it would cause people's brains to bleed


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding writing. It was deep and complex.
    Very well done...Good luck in the contest.
    Soulful Woman

  • Eusebius
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Weird, bizarre and more than just a tad hellish, no (?) unusually villanelle all around, no matter how you slice it... bravo...


  • karma-n-peace
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You obviously have a great talent.
    The form is awesome and I enjoyed reading it very much.
    Wonderfully done!


  • PerfectImperfection
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    An amazing piece of form you have penned here. Very well thought, and deeply intriguing. I have yet to try this form, you seem to do it quite well.

    "darned in obscurity" - I would have used damned, but then again - I am weird like that.

    There are so many vivid lines, taking the path to sociey's pace:

    "Actuality and metaphor carry us to Hell"

    Such a fantastic line there....
    Though I really cannot outline a 'favorite' stanza, I could go on and on about the quality of the piece as a whole.
    The subject matter here seems to dangle between society and existence as a whole, but also that middleman of contentment; even affections of the heart if you will.

    Excellent write.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    December 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love this form & what you have done with it.
    Nicely done.


  • PastelMoons gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is a very clever write.
    It appears that you gave this
    a lot of time,and thought..

    Now if you tell
    me you wrote this in a few minutes,
    I'll turn green with envy :))
    I am particularly fond
    of the 4th stanza.
    Outstanding Write!
    Good luck!
    ~Pastel



  • Elfin
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is my favourite form and is very difficult to do but "do it" you have with such fine words, and flow.Existence is a mingled realm, complex and diverse,and I think that the villanelle only adds to the many facets of life. Very well done my friend, a superb piece. Val

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