Unapparent to the eye like obvious
create what is not happening
entertainment par excellence
sleight of a hand
brings out a colorful bird
that flies away from magician’s hand
a live body into four pieces cut
without letting any blood
clever deception look real
people of all hues on seat edges
guessing about next from magicians hat
intelligence teased to their limits
rolling audience in laughter
innocent children delight and jump
elders chuckle at make believe
a trick here and a trick there
deft magicians skill
belie our minds power
steal hearts of many.
Author notes
Magic keeps all ages guessing and entertained
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this is such a great poem about magic. You have captured the essence of this and portrayed it exactly as it is. Well done. This is great.
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You've been given some great critiques and suggestions already, with my thoughts echoing those. Between the lack of punctuation and the point of view you've written from, I felt very "distanced" from the poem and therefore found it hard to relate to. I believe the biggest hindrance is the English grammar because it affects so many areas I score in, such as flow, grammar, and lasting impression. Don't be afraid to find someone who can read your poetry before you post it (or even after) and offer suggestions for grammar and clarity, as we all have different strengths when it comes to writing.
Master those things, and you may eventually want to start experimenting with the punctuation.
A great effort on a fun theme. Thanks so much for joining us in the POW and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Writing without punctuation leaves you with a heavy burden of communicating word relations and intent using only line breaks and white space. The style also lends itself better to a minimalist approach.
I see by bear's comments that you are from India, so I'll echo his sentiments of a good effort. There are lines that are very hard to comprehend, like the very first line.
Jim -
Thank you for entering ~
I agree with your first Judge, as this is something most common in Theme, yet you did bring me a smile while reading it ~
I feel as though you could have dug MUCH deeper, and showed us something from the Audiences' perspective.....as well as the Magician himself, and what was going through his mind ~
....or something along that scenerio ~
You did forget to place *POW* into your AN ~
The Flow was of course obstructed by your English grammatical errors.....but after I read your Authors' Page, I went back and read it from someone who had an accent.....and I think you did a fine job ~
Let's see how it scores.....good luck, and it's nice to see you in the POW contest!
Bear ~
Title 9.45
Flow 8.75
Depth 9.15
Theme 9.85
Feelings 8.8
Grammar 9.15
Presentation 9.55
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.4
Ability to follow Rules 9
Bears Score: 93.1
Very nice job!
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Quite a few grammar mistakes, so do a reread just for grammar. Some of the lines were a bit incomprehensible.
The title wasn't really creative. It's somewhat simplistic. Look to find a more attention-capturing title, because it will hook your reader in!
The flow was ok, some awkward line breaks here and there. Also, the grammar problems hindered the flow considerably for me.
Tone was light, but you did show the enjoyment of the audience well. I think some images could have really added to the emotional side of things. Also, you need to balance your tell with some show. You have a good deal of narrative here so add in some metaphor, symbolism, etc.
The theme was decent, but I feel that you didn't really make it your own. You talked about common ideas in connection to magic, things that are already connected to magic. If you're going to use a common theme, bring something new to the table. -
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Totally agree with your assessment ~
.....however, being from India, I can relate to the English language not being their first, so I do give clappers for lots of effort ~
Nonetheless, this is an American contest, and we shall Judge it as so,
Spot-On critique,
Bear ~
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