it would be far easier
to spread my legs for you
than to walk through
that door:
it opens wider
farther away
than I can reach
to find you
(the you that was)
tv blares through the room,
drowns whispers
past tendrils of hair
I wished you to part
time and again
a door is pondered
full and bared
worn blue color -
how ironic and
how ample
that world outside
close upon the nape
kisses
should mean more than
mere wetness
lapped between these soft places
that cannot feel you
anymore
In a list
A contest entry
- through the blue door by Cat.
700 points, ended December 12, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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"past tendrils of hair"
For some reason - I just can't get "tendrils" to fit with "hair" or with the poem in general. The rest of the piece was beautiful. This is the only line that threw me. Everything else flowed naturally.
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stark and raw
scarred to the heart. the person you present so vividly in her quiet desperation here is unfortunately one of the many.
Good write
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Dang. This poem seems cold. There is no other way I can think to describe it other than to say it seems like a complete loss of emotion and feeling. The poem has plenty of that to spare but what about the person writing it I wonder. Well as I have said before I hope everything is going well. This is a very powerful poem and as always it is inspiring to read the intricacies your work.
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dark and brooding
Stark and satirical,what woman can give in the abcense of the heart , yet want things of the heart..reaches deep in the psyche of some mysteries ..strange how some relationships are ..inspiring in a dark sense of realities ..
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touches deep the passageways once wished more than mere frames... I'm glad to see you pick up the poetry again. ~ Love, Karen
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Congratulations on the trophy ...
Kimmie ... To bring emotion to a poem, to word so that there is a pluck at the heart, a twirl of soul -- that is true poetry.
And: to be honest in a relationship, almost stark in considering options of intimacy and of separation, asks a brave soul. This write is successful on several levels: poetically and psychologically. Great introspection and interpretation of the prompt.
Love and Peace and Joy!
Myra
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incredibly powerful... raw and emotionally intense... such a strong and amazing, empowering piece... very boldly and honestly and plainly stated, but without compromising even a tiny bit of poetic merit... beautifully written... deeply affecting...
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thanks so much. I was shooting for a bit of the "raw" in this but not wanting to give it overkill always has me "unfinishing" poems. I'm glad this one made it to be read -- especially with such a nice critique to follow.
thanks so much.
Kim
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Mary asked me to help with the judging...
A very strong piece this is, Kim and I could feel this one. There is an emotional intensity here that is just right... it's intense and powerful, yet presented in an understated way, yet one can feel it - if I'm making any sense here, lol. Some wonderfully strong lines and visuals... this one will stay with me (for so many reasons...). A strong contender in my eyes.
~ Nicolette
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thanks for the visit Nic... For some reason the first few verses stuck in my head for days. Perhaps the rest of the muse came when I came upon Mary's theme. Sometimes it's simply time to write something I guess and this was it.
thanks again ...
Kim
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very powerful, I could hear a voice as I was reading; very heartfelt and compelling words; wonderful poetry...PK
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Thanks PK. Glad you could stop by. I always seem to have a lot of catching up to do, but I'm sure when I get the chance that I'll be enjoying your poetry along the way.
Kim
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wow, I can feel the sheer loneliness oozing from this one, i want to just walk through that door and
and chase your blues away, with some tendril parting, and some tenderer partings as well. Can't imagine why he wouldn't?? sad bittersweet, wish you the best to come.~~~Artis
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thanks so much Artis. Good to see you! - Kim
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some incredibly strong lines in this piece
coupled with some strong emotions
pulled through in every strand of the write-
and of course.. the .. if this were my poem line.. i would eliminate the repetition of the final stanza..
because the stanza before that is perfect...
'the soft places that cannot feel you anymore..
love this poem
m -
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Oh yeah, I nipped and tucked this in another place or two, including that last stanza. That last line is best off on its own as the ending. Then again, knew that didn't ya?
Thanks for the feedback and some kind of prompt to eke a poem out of me. They are few and far between as of late.
Kim
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An amazing write Kimmie. You have some amazing lines in this piece. You express some strong emotion in this powerful piece.
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It's so good to see you! How are you doing?
I'm glad you liked this. It's always so nice to hear from you...
Kim
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I really love the bitter tone of this piece.
"close upon the nape
kisses
should mean more than
mere wetness"... < Yes!
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Yes, bitter is what I was shooting for - just short of poems that bring out the sympathy. If it had that tone, I'd be disappointed. Bitter is good!
Thanks for noticing. -- Kim
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