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Dance of [self] Destruction

 

 



Heavy breathing, flowing tears
Habit done of many years
Throbbing heart beats fail to work
Only way to rid the hurt

Echoed silence kills the sleep
Cursing so she cannot weep
Stillness of the darkened night
Reveals all that is not right

One cut, Two cut, Three cut, Four
One more tear falls to the floor

Lost all will to live this life
Broken hope shattered by strife
Minute lost into the days
She has failed in many ways

Dirt filled knives that strike the skin
Relieves stress that's forced within
Words have often turned to rants
When you hear these lonely chants

Four cut, Five cut, Six cut, Eight
Don't tell lies, you can't relate

Morbid days in solitude
Arguments that change the mood
Torn by motion from the rest
Lying keeps her at her best

Dance of drama, distance, dread
One cut more! for each tear shed
Crush those chains that limit you
Deny all that has been true

One cut, four cut, five cut, eight
Break apart and mutilate

 

 

 

Author notes

Option 4 - Picture Above

It's 2:00 am. I cannot sleep.

In a list

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • c e ll a r . d oo r
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i have never read such a perfect ode to self destruction. & the blunt storytelling way this is written is so unlike anything i've ever read by you.

    you are proving to be one of the "true" poets on AP. anyone can make an account and post angst ridden rants, but you truely have the talent, depth, & emotion it takes to be the real deal. when you publish your collection, please, let me know. lol.



    • Never Fall in Love
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol, i havent thought much about publishing.
      I want to ..
      but being in spain is a major disadvantage


  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem, its amazing, i am also a cutter, so i relate well to these poems, and these feelings, Thanks so much for entering my contest and good luck, ♥ Christina


  • BlackBloodyRose
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow effing wow

    wow i really really really really like this. very strong i like the sort of repition u have going on. very strong very meaningful descibes how i feel at times down the the last letter


  • inhisimage
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is mind blowing. EXCELLENT! I can totally relate


  • whyiamialone911
    May 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This one is full of meaning. I like it.
    Especially the ending stanza.

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hell fucking yea! One kickass one. I liked you word play in this one, especially.

    I've seen 2 am many times. and 3 and 4...


  • EmmaLuLu
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow!!! This poem is something special. good luck


  • vena sera
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey! i wrote one like this
    the line i used was "one drop two drop three drops four"
    i used drop not cut
    and the meaning in mine was incredibly similar


  • DestiniesTwined
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this into my contest. I think you did an amazing job. I relate to this. I wish you much luck.


  • HakuoBlake
    February 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    its like a twisted version of one two buckle my shoe..^^ awesome work


  • Eternally Fallen
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Woah.

    This poem totally blew my mind. It has definitely got to be in my top faves for cutting poems, if not at the top. I'm not sure what emotions are associated with cutting, but alot of emotions were clearly shown well here.

    "Morbid days in solitude
    Arguments that change the mood
    Torn by motion from the rest
    Lying keeps her at her best"

    These were my favorite lines in the poem. I was also completely satisfied with the rhyme, which I usually am, and the rhythm, which I am usually disappointed with.

    Anyways, great write!

    -Cody (Eternally Fallen)


  • MadHatter1920
    February 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. This..is amazing. I'm an ex-cutter. And this competely captures the feelings. It brought me inside the poem and made me feel it again. This is definitally one of my fav's so far. No promises, but good luck!


  • jcat gold member
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW......I usually do not like anything about self mutilation. I truly do not understand the concept of the act but what you wrote here was just amazing!! The over all poem was just gorgeous. Well done and best of luck in your contests


  • Lj-
    January 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I like the closing lines.


  • VampQueen
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    god, I LOVE this poem. It's freaking awesome!! you did a great job with the rhyming and the words. Not sure what more I can say about this poem.


  • darkangel-darksoul
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is what i wanted. great job. i love picture that you have added to it. very good. i love it. good luck


  • trista gold member
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I believe part of our goal as poets is usually to make readers - whether they "relate" to our subject or not - understand the reasons and feelings behind them, and you've done a good job with that. I feel you've written with just enough emotional distance from the subject to keep it dark, yet not turn it into a "woe is me" cliché. You've used a lot of power words that have strong connotations, like "morbid" and "strife", that elicit a strong emotional response. All very nicely done!

    Rhyming and rhythm - do I even have to comment on that any more? lol It's always perfect, or dang close to it. In this case I'd say dang close. I think line 8 is the only one that tripped me up the first time I read it. After that it was okay though.

    It sounds so sick to say I "enjoyed" reading this, and yet I did. I hate to think you were feeling all this, is the only thing. Or really, that anyone ever feels like this, and yet I know many do.

    Congrats on the very well deserved silver. But trophy or not, this is a winner.

    s
    ~J.

    • Never Fall in Love
      December 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      This was a while ago, so don't worry - I believe you also know what triggered the insomnia in the first place. But feel or no feel, I've been wanting to write cutting poems for a while - so don't get worried if you see more


  • Addict 17
    December 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well for someone who was not able to sleep came up with a heck of a great poem i loved it great work


  • darkangel-darksoul
    December 12, 2007
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    wow i mean wow... this is full of emotion and well rhymed... great job..


  • W a s p
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Almost...

    perfect...but perfection is a matter of taste, and I think this tastes very well... almost perfect...ian.


  • Kia Tenshi
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The repetition of cut gave me some-what shivers. Everything is well put together and the flow is perfect!


  • parachute fog
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Somehow the repetition of cut seems to be equally as satisfying each mention. The stanzas rhythmic flow really brings a light to the piece. Its almost a children's poem that has been made more explicit for those who are old enough. Dark Subject matter that the repetition really is effective in conveying.


  • camus gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Somehow the insistence of the rhyme and rhythm conveys and echoes the heaviness of your theme of desolation and isolation. I feel that it is not about external cutting but relates to internal mutilation and hidden torment - the sort that nobody is aware of except the quiet sufferer.

    • Never Fall in Love
      December 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      the sort that nobody is aware of except the quiet sufferer.

      Now if only I could live up to that quiet standard..
      Thank you for commenting


  • Lost In Dreaming
    December 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing--true and it seems to pulsate as you read it


  • baconlicious112
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow! this is AMAZING! ive never ever ever ever read something like this! i lvoe it. its a bit creepy, but it rocks. :]


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..
    You haven't lost your touch I'll give you that
    Your poetry has got 100 times better since I last spoke to you
    I really miss your poetry, and you of course!
    I hope everythings okay
    We need to speak soon!

  • zary666
    December 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow! it's really kool i really liked it! =]


  • HorseRidinBbe07
    December 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    awh *hugs* i really liked that, especially the line about people not being able to relate.. you really cant relate unless you've been there yourself. which sucks, but eh thats life i guess.
    good poem, and hope you're ok
    <3
    xoxox

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