A swirling, twirling mist
It has trapped me
In a condemned realm --
A woeful virtual plane.
I've been captured...
There's no escape!
Please don't maintain
This claustrophobic state of mind
My breath becomes faint
Resistance? There's none
My sub-conscience is beckoning...
No! -- I can't close my eyes
But sleep is mischievous creature
Let it not take me!
-- Ravaging my mind
Particles dissolve...They
Form again
...Pure white light...
We're now in together
And obstacles are nonexistent
Author notes
Whoa....What the hell?
Written October 29th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- *CuTtErS AnD SuICiDeS* by starryeyes17.
300 points, ended December 25, 2003, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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wow.....that picture scares me! ....not a bad thing but just....im speechless..hehe...very emotional write..i think you put alot of time in this...you atleast took a time to find a picture and make it look like it neway..so got me fooled
...very good write...the picture was a good way to start it..it makes everyone wanna read and see what's goin on....very goodluck! -lindsey
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twisted and desturbing...nice...just love the picture...
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this is better than a ham and jelly sandwich right after hi-lights for the twenty second time.. captivating.. be-littling to an extent.. and god damn great.. if that's a way to comment.. i think it is.. mhmm i think it is indeed.. remind me to come back and read more.. do it!!!.. chaka boom baka..
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Whoa - I LOVED IT!! This poem is so powerful - really gripping the reader with every word - the title really fits the piece well as well - excellent choice of words
Much love to you
~*blue*~
xxx
xxx
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Extreme imagery of suicide. I can almost feel the
heart give out as the soul leaves the body. The
visuals are amazing and the flow is perfection.
I truly enjoyed this excellent write.
Daoine
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Right on. I like this. The pic didn't load up properly, but the words are strong enough without the pic.
When I read this I feel swept up in a tornado or something.
Torn up and twisted and put back together again.
Good Job!
*stomps -
wow, this picture is frightening! lol but this poem is so amazing just the way it flows with incredible detail, that is simple pure talent! i really enjoyed reading this and i can say that i can relate. every single word is just beautiful!
Forever Yours,
Gertrude -
this kicks ass!
wow...very intense!! like the pic too...very good write!!!
xoxoxo
amber
:[ -
Sweetness gotta love that. and so near halloween to. well anywho great job! ~kiss kiss choa~
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A-
Interesting poem. I've never read anything quite like it. Good write. -
Intense! Glad everything worked out at the end..good descriptive language used.
~CWM~
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