Sapphire crop circles;

Rings fall from fingers and
sapphires shatter against tile floors
while silence screams in broken melodies.

Plastic alicebands knot and entwine with newly dyed hair
as lice crawl and wriggle through a tangled mess.

Necklaces shrink and restrict
greedy gasps of unwanted air:
noiseless choking.

Blank expressions paint themselves white,
illness takes over and braincells disintegrate.

Author notes

Empty hollow feeling.
The- I don't care anymore -feeling.
For me anyway =]

Hope you like x

A contest entry

Smile? by Exodus. 525 points, ended January 18, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

By me, right now

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broken-colours
April 28, 2008

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Just a little cliche in places, but beautiful nonetheless. I love the imagery and contrasting words in this one. Excellent job.
Play Pretend.
March 30, 2008

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Interesting. I thought over all it was a bit cliche... but then it actually wasn't. Well done. a few typos, so i would suggest going over it again, but nice work.
letters to no one
March 30, 2008

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I am officially a fan of yours now!

I only have one thing to point out though; I think you meant "choking" not "chocking" in line 9.
- LaurenLightning--x
  March 30, 2008
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  Thank you :]
Eusebius
January 14, 2008

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bravo
some fine poetic language, no question...deftly done throughout (note: sapphire is one of the hardest substances known and would not "shatter" by falling on the floor, but you can very easily change that one line.) bravo... bravo... bravo..
Diatribes
January 3, 2008
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Sounds like he physical feeling I feel lying in bed wishing I was sleeping.
Exodus
December 23, 2007

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Ahh, I know that feeling far-faaaar to well for my own good. Personally I thought the "silence screams" was a bit... eh, cliche I guess, but the rest of it was (as usual) absolutely stunning. Thank you hun