You give things for yourself, you recieve things for others.
To give to another is to give to yourself,
to recieve from another is for them to recieve from themselves.
A child must never be spoiled into taking.
Money should be easier spent on others than on themselves.
"Why is it that we only look deep into ourselves when porblems arise
and forget shortly after?"
We only realize our internal problems when they make themselves external.
It is easy to take things. It is much more difficult to recieve things.
You cannot just give anything- It is not easy to give things.
If you could give or not give, it is a shame to give.
If you could recieve or not recieve, you should decline the offer,
for that is not recieving at all.
To be able to recieve or not recieve is to be able to take or not take.
It is dishonorable to take. It is honorable to recieve.
You cannot expect to recieve when giving.
This would mean you are giving just anything
and expect to be able to take what you would recieve.
You must give out of the graces that you have such a wonderful chance
to give in the first place.
YOU CANNOT FORCE PEOPLE TO RECIEVE THINGS.
If you are to force them, you only force them to take
and will recieve the expected nothing with regret instead of peace.
In contrast, to force someone to give will mean they are giving just anything
and you ARE taking from them.
A contest entry
- Nonexistant God by MessedupMarionette.
700 points, ended January 4, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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*Blinks* wow, this is weird. This is like a train of thought splattered all over the paper. I like it. I don't think for the same reason you wanted me to like it, but I like it none the less. You know?
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I don't know what to say
I hope you don't take what I'm about to say very sensitively, because I only mean to be honest, to help you grow as a poet.
You have a great idea here. I see the feeling you have, the concept you're trying to paint. This concept, this idea, has a lot of potential and can be a really great piece if you put the time into it. It's a really great idea as far as this contest is concerned, although I don't know if you're allowed to enter more than one piece.
That having been said:
This is... awful. It's entirely too repetitive, and there's no line to follow. A poem should have a kind of line from the first line to the last, and it's not necessary that that line be straight by any means. But you don't have one at all. You've kind of taken the beginning of your line and scribbled around this way and that on top of itself, to where it's not only unable to be discerned, but is repetitive as well.
Please rewrite this, if only for yourself. It really is a great idea with a lot of potential, and you deserve to have a really good piece out of this.
Best Regards,
CranberryPrincess -
.jgkj
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