Your blue eyes stare at me,
blankly at times,
although …occasionally
a spark of recognition
can be seen in their depths.
What do you see in that lost mind of yours?
Your sight is encased in a different dimension,
in a world we have no knowledge of.
Who do you see?
Do you see “me”?
Do you still dream,
or are your dreams just a confused jumble?
Not knowing, anymore, what they are,
do they frighten you?
Do you feel pain the same way we do?
Do you even know what it is?
And is it more terrifying, not knowing?
Sometimes, you still call me by name
…although it’s my childhood name.
Do you still see me as a child
when you look at me?
At what age, I wonder, do you see me?
Do you ever see me as the adult I’ve become?
I feel very sad when I bring my sons to see you
and you are no longer aware of who they are.
The grandsons you said you’d never forget
...but you have.
Alzheimer’s....a death for humans
of a different kind....a living death.
A demise of the mind.
And ending of life.
Still breathing, still hearing
still feeling, still seeing
But what?
Author notes
a POW contest entry
theme: Alzheimer's
(my first try at a background other than default - I hope this works!
So many questions I have when I come back from my daily visit with my mother. She is just beginning to slip into another stage of this 'living death' and, among other questions I have, I wonder who she now sees when she looks at me. These questions/thoughts were just written out...as I return from another visit.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 76 of 76
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This is such a cruel beast of life....My heart goes out to you J....It must be sooo hard to see a loved one go through this....I hope you both find some peace... Robert....
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Thank you Robert for your comment and applause on this. Yes, it is a cruel beast of life that affects way too many. Alzheimer's can be so different for each person, and it is very, very hard on the family members to watch their parent or loved one go through this....I think we suffer much more than they do, which in itself is a blessing. To know that someone has lost the best parts of their life, can't remember them....is heart-breaking.
blessings
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this is really good, I love the sight and well thought out lines that are thrown from word to word, as if they were joined by a chain...
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Thank you 'death is not the end' for reading, the nice comment and applause. This was basically just typed from emotion - thrown feeling to feeling, so to speak - after a visit with my mom. I am pleased you liked it.
best wishes.
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Not my style of poetry, but reads well and , a thoughtful piece on a very difficult subject. Very different to my own Alzheimer's piece, which I am very thankful to say was not written from direct knowledge.
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Not really my style either - this was written strictly from emotion when I returned from a visit with my mother. I've only been writing a year (next week) and most of mine all rhymed until the last few months when I tried this free-write (I think that's what this is called). Anyways....
I would like to read yours, if you would send me the link please.
Thank you for reading, your nice comment and the applause. -
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http://allpoetry.com/poem/3765678 is mine, called "No happy ending". I obviously picked the wrong one of yours at random then!
Rhyme is very much my preferred form, I have written two or three in "free verse" but only one any good, and I don't suppose I shall write many more.
I have never found rhyme to restrict what I wanted to say, and it adds so much to the feel and "music" of a poem.
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thats so sad, but beautiful. i love it.
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Thank you so much 'tenor-sax..' for the nice comment and applause. I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
Have a nice holiday!
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I understand how you feel, my nana, is currently suffering from alzheimer's and it is very hard to cope with. Brilliant write
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Thank you 'littlelouise' for reading and the nice comment.
I am sorry to hear about your nana and I send best wishes to you during this time. No, it is not easy. But try to grab what memories and laughter you can - while you still have her.
Again, thanks.
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Precious poem...
Your poem touches my heart
because my mom died of Alzheimer's four years ago. 
She was beautiful, but well... yes, as you describe your mother. For a long time, though, she could still sing and knew all the words and melodies of her favorite songs. 
So I sang to her and she joined in. We sang "You are my Sunshine" over and over and over. My admiration goes out to you for writing this lovely poem.
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Thank you so much "Melodies" for you very nice comment and applause. I appreciate it.
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, and what I'm sure you went through. I'm happy to hear you could still sing that song together. I take my mom down to Devotions (at the nurs.home), and she still knows the church songs. She will sing along, very, very quietly...but I am just happy that she still has those memories.
Again, thank you.
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A wonderful piece and well deserving of the gold. Very emotionally captivating. Excellent, I wrote one on this disease actually a couple of them but my favorite is "Falling Through Eyes", if you get a chance take a look it might speak to you
Hugs, Bunny
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Thanks 'bunny' for the nice comment and applause (it was Bronze, not Gold...lol...but I'll take it!)
And I will check out your poem.
Again, thanks.
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I loved it.... it just melted my heart.
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Thank you so much for your comment 'Ms.Misery'. I really appreciate it. It is a sad thing to watch a loved one, especially a parent, go through this...sadder for the one watching. I guess the blessing is that the person with Alzheimer's does not know it.
Again, thank you.
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i t is good but it needs in sights
great smillies. great style but mine is something to be looked called Facing Alzheimer's
i lost a grandmother to it's earlier form ... deminta -
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Thank you for your comment 'alpha5'. I will look for your poem 'Tacing Alzheimer's'; would love to read it.
I am sorry about your grandmother. I lost both of mine to that also. Guess it's just a fact of aging - but not a pleasant fact.
Thanks again.
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A sincere heartfelt write.
How heartbreaking to see the ones we love suffering, you have expressed this so tenderly and also offered encouragement to so many who have commented on your write.
It is true what you say about making good memories for yourself and all the times you visit and talk to your mom, although she may not recall, I am sure you give her a sense of security when you are with her, also a sense of security for you, for in your heart you are still close to your mom this bond will never break.
Who are we to know what goes on in the minds of our loved ones when they cannot recall who we are, and I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you, but I know that if I was ill with alzheimers I would like to thimk that my children were loving and caring like you are to your mom.
This is a truely inspiring write of how to keep going in the face of adversity. May Godbless you for your caring heart and ways, you are a fine daughter. Please always keep visiting her, I am sure in there somewhere she is and always will be you mom.
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Thank you 'Lady Mak' for the wonderful comment and applause. It is very hard to watch a loved one who is ill. I just lost my father in July to cancer. We were very close, and with dealing with my mom also, I really hadn't had a chance to fully grieve yet. So, in a way, in the past few months I've lost both parents. My mom still recognizes me, and only me...but she is on the verge of slipping into that next phase where I will be lost. I just think of myself as having 2 mothers - the one I knew and the one I know now.
Thank you again, so much.
blessings
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This is such a powerful poem and expresses you feelings and questions so well. Fortunately my mother is not old enough to experince that yet, however I believe that my Grandmother does show signs of alzheimers. I just pray that God grant your Mother and my grandmother piece so that they aren't as confused to why as we are. Please check out some of my poems, I will comment if you will.
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Thank you 'ThreeXsBeautiful' for your nice comment and applause. I appreciate it. At least, for my mom, she is past the confused point...I'm not sure at what point her mind really is at, but she doesn't cry because she gets confused...I am thankful for that.
I will be over to check out some of your poems. Thank you for reading this one.
blessings -
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i loved this poem, i personally haven't had to deal with this but i have a close freind who i think of as a brother who is dealing with this. i sent him your poem because i thought he would like and it hits home for him. i wish no one had to deal with this kind of life. my heart and prayers go out to you and all who are going through it.
hugs poetess -
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Thank you so very much 'poetess802' for your wonderful comment. I wish the best for your close friend - I am honored you thought this 'less than my best' poem was something he would enjoy. I wrote this after a discouraging visit with mom - I was so afraid she was sliding into the next phase where she would no longer know me (I am the only one for several years now that she has consistently known). I wish I could write something that would do this topic the justice and awareness it deserves, but at this point I haven't yet. You might like my poem "crushed butterflies" on my thoughts of the people in the nurs. home or my poem "Small Joys" where I did the ladies' fingernails in the nurs. home. (You don't have to comment on them - just thought you might enjoy them).
Again, thank you so much.
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Having dealt with patients with this disease, but never anyone close, this was very touching to me. It is clear to me that you are experiencing a loss, grieving with what seems no end in sight. It may comfort you to know that this is not what God had in mind for us, and the bible tells us of a time when there will be no disease or death, no reasons for sadness or tears. Revelation 21:1-4. It may seem far fetched, but the bible also tells us that God's promises all come true, and that he cannot lie. I know I have taken comfort from these things at various times in my life, and I hope they can be of help to you as well.
I think you did a beautiful job on this poem.
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Thank you so much 'laurijay' for the nice comment and applause. I am pleased that you liked it. I am glad that you have not had to deal with anyone close on this, but I'm sure it's got to be hard for you just to deal with non-related patients.
Also, Thank you so much for your conforting words and the verses.
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I was extremely moved by this poem. A while back I wrote a column on this subject; http://allpoetry.com/column/show/818160 it might help a little
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Thank you so much 'cutiepie' for the nice comment and applause. And for the link...I will take the time to check it out.
Thanks again.
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very touching
my mother is also a victim and as her child i am also , my momhas blue eyes too, i understand,it hurts.
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Thank you 'genevieve28' for your comment and applause.
Yes, we are the real victims here - they no longer have any awareness - or any fault. I am here anytime you need to talk. I know it is very hard to understand; there are so many questions we will never have answered. All I can say is to spend whatever time you can with her, doing little things, making some good memories for yourself. And try to laugh - it can be quite comical at the same time it breaks your heart. But this is your time with her - your last time with her...so make the most of it.
Sending blessings to you for the strength you will need during this rough time.
blessings
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A great write that hit many memories of my gran as we used to lived with her and it was not easy at all, I was always called the Queen of Sheba as for some reason she never liked it when my mom gave me attention. My gran used to make my mom feel terrible when visitor came I was eating my lunch she would tell them that my mom never feeds her and keeps her locked up in a cage in the meantime my mom used to always feed my gran before I got home from school. My mom always said we must always remember who she was and not what she is now, eventhough it hurts like hell.
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Thank you 'Rosie ash' for your nice comment and applause.
No, it is not easy at all. I have to laugh at what your gram said about your mom not feeding her, etc. My mom went through a phase where she told everyone I knocked her front tooth out!!!! OMG, how embarrassing in public that was! And heartbreaking. But I would laugh - that's really all we have to hang onto - the laughter....and of course, the good memories.
Thanks again.
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My grandma has alzheimers,
she thinks I'm 14,
I just turned 19...
She has hallucinations alot,
she even tried to commit suicide because of it...
You're strong for actually seeing your mother,
I can't go visit my grandma anymore,
she's gotten to bad, every time I see her I just want to break down and cry, I know that some day she won't know who I am.
Right now, she forgets everything within 5 minutes...
Keep your head up <3
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Thank you so much 'K-i-t-t-y' for your nice comment and applause.
I want to cry, too, but I am all my mother has left (my father passed away in July from cancer) and I want to grab all the memories I can now, while she is still here. I treasure the few that I can laugh at - even though they really are not funny. You're lucky your grandmother can remember for 5 minutes - that will change. Spend what time you can with her, make her laugh, enjoy your memories. They will be totally gone, all too soon.
Thanks again.
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Wow. I felt a lot of sadness while reading your poem. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's, and she couldn't remember me or any of her children. this poem brought me to tears, I could feel the pain. you did a great job on this poem. thank you for sharing this with me.
congratulations on your bronze trophy
kathy
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Thank you so much 'XxOpenWoundsxX' for the nice comment and applause. It is hard on the family members when their loved ones no longer remember them.
I am pleased that you liked this.
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Bravo! Such a moving, moving write about a tragic illness that has befallen a loved one. Torture for all concerned. Take care and thank you for sharing. Marian. x
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Thank you so much 'loveualways62' for the nice comment and applause. Yes, it is torture - more so for the 'ones left behind' as my mother has no awareness of what is happening to her.
I am pleased you liked this.
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wow
truley inspiring.. this was very emotional and i can feel your pain, i had a grandmother who had memory loss and well she could barely rember me sadly, she died last christmas but i know how u feel im sorry for u and your friend or family member..
great poem though
lots of luv
lex
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Thank you so much 'lovestainstheheart' for your comment and the applause.
My mother still knows me, and only me, but that is changing and even though I think I am prepared for that, I know I'm not.
I'm glad you enjoyed this.
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Wow! This came straight from the heart, I could tell. I don't know what it would be like to have a loved one with Alzheimer's, but you put it so vividly here. Those are very good questions, they make me wonder too. I especially like the line "your sight is encased in a different dimension"
This was excellent.
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Thank you so much 'branislawa' for the nice comment and applause. I am glad you liked this.
It's not easy. And Alzheimer's is becoming a very large part of many people's life now...and sadly, it is hitting at a younger age also. It is very hard to have your parent look at you and no longer recognize you; to know they have lost all their precious memories and there's nothing you can do about it.
Again, thank you so much.
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I have worked in nursing homes for years, and have seen sooooo much of this. You described it well. I have seen every stage of it, and you know you are right, it is a bit like a living death. It is a sad thing to watch, and I am sure it is hard on the one that lives with it.
Congrats on the well deserved Bronze!!!
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Thank you so much for your comment and applause 'sunshinegirl'. It was appreciated.
Working in a nursing home? That would be rough and I highly commend you for being one of those souls who can do that. The workers where my mom is are all very good and caring people - but I know, emotionally, it has to be very rough on them.
I guess I chose the title (in my mind) 'living death' because when I look at my mom, who is alive, I see behind her eyes a death of the mind.
I am real pleased that you liked this. Thank you.
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It's so very heartbreaking when someone you love so much in unable to recognize you and your family. I can't imagine how utterly heartwrenchingly painful that is. You've created a very beautiful piece of work that expresses so many question that must run through the minds of those who have to watch the person they love slowly forget who they are.
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Thank you so much 'Rose Dark Thorn' for reading, the lovely comment and the applause. I am glad you liked this.
It is heartbreaking and emotionally draining to know that your parent is no longer sure of who you are, and that they have forgotten their most treasured memories.
Thank you again.
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your title grabbed my sttention as my father has Alzheimer's. right now he's still living on his own, by himself but is becoming more confused every day. my sister has had financial guardianship for almost two years and he is still upset about it. he has been very, very nasty to her. she lives six hours away from him.
i live in another state and can't visit him often due to illness and lack of money. i do keep in touch by phone and talk to his dr once a month. i don't think it will be much longer until he needs to be in a home. when that time comes i want to move him closer to me.
enough about me
my point of rambling on is that i understand where you are coming from. i feel so helpless. i often ask myself the same questions you have in your poem. i wish i could do more to help him but can't. i have to put a lot of effort into not thinking about it every minute...
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Thank you 'LadyUnique' for your lovely comment and applause. My dad and mom were living on their own (70 miles from me, round-trip), until my father's cancer went into his bones in May and he fell (he passed away in July) and they both ended up in a nursing home. I wish I had taken the time to get the POA, but I did not...which really created a lot of long-lasting problems. We just purchased a home over here near the nursing home so I can spend each day with my mother - and cut out on all of that running! I am, and have been for some time now, the only person my mom still knows consistently - although it is getting to the edge of the next 'phase' where she will lose that touch of reality with me also - will be a real rough time for me, with everything else.
So many questions - questions I will probably never get an answer to.
All I can say to you is to spend all the time you can with your father and make memories and make his time left the best you can. It won't be easy. Try to find the little things to laugh at. I was at the nurs.home for dad by 8am - with his newspaper and coffee, and I wouldn't have missed that last month with him for anything.
With my mom, I am there everyday. I take her cookies, polish her nails (and the other ladies there, too), take her to Activities (even though she does not participate), take her to Devotions, etc. Do all you can with your dad.
Thank you again for the nice comment. And I send my best wishes to you...for your strength of emotion that will be needed by you, that you will make some good memories out of a bad time.
blessings
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Just stopped by to say Many Congratulations on your trophy. It's thoroughly well deserved. Take care of yourself. All my love & very best wishes from Rose xxxx
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Thank you so much Rose for the wishes. I really need to critically look at this and follow some of the suggestions - or just write a new one along these lines. When I feel better, I will put my attentions to it.
Thanks again and the very best wishes to you also.
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A very thought provoking piece that truly deserved a shiny ~ many congrats on the bronze!
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Thank you so much for reading and your nice comment 'bethan-gaze'.
It's something that has become very thought-provoking to me - since I've run into it.
Glad you enjoyed this.
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Thanks so much to 'EnAttendant' for the help with editing this.
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Ok knocking out some of those grammar beasties
The first stanza needs a biiiit more punctuation:
Your blue eyes stare at me,
blankly at times,
Because that "blankly at times" is a dependent clause I would section it off with commas. On that one, because it is its own line, I think you COULD get away with leaving it the way it is.
Then with the line "Not knowing anymore, what they are," you can do either "Not knowing, anymore, what they are" OR "Not knowing anymore what they are".
The way you have it now is sectioning off the object from its verb, which can't be done.
Then just a teensy type in the line ".. .but you have" it should be "...but you have" without a space between those periods.
Then in the last stanza I have three recommendations.
Firstly, you need to put a space after "...".
So the first two lines should be:
Alzheimer’s... a death for humans
of a different kind... a living death.
Then also, I would strongly recommend punctuating the
A demise of the mind
An ending of their life
Probably with periods at the end of each line, for a little punch. Gives it some emphasis. That or, a comma after "A demise of the mind" and a colon after "An ending of their life".
Then my final point is on the line "An ending of their life". Since life is in the singular, its modifiers should also be in the singular in this case. So you can say 'their lives', or you can say 'his/her life' (which would sound kind of ugly in a poem). SO with that being said, I would just make it "And ending of life". It also makes more sense that way, because you didn't say "A demise of their mind" and it should be symmetrical. So whichever way you go, apply it to both lines.
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Both of my parents are in their 80's, and it's hard and frustrating at times when they forget certain things...But reading this makes me so incredibly grateful it's nothing worse.
The way you've approached this is very unique, I feel. While I love the questioning of how your mother feels and views the world around her, I found the abundance of questions, so directly asked, a little tiresome by the end of the poem. I think putting this in a different POV as Jim suggested might help with that.
I also like the idea of having "Alzheimer's" in the title. It's an additional way to draw readers into the poem who might be affected by the disease in one way or another, or those who are simply curious and want to know more.
Although I hope you'll revisit this and make a few changes, I'd hate to see it lose the raw edge it has now from writing it quickly and while the emotions and thoughts were so fresh. If you can find a balance between that and the needed changes, you'll have an even more powerful poem than you do now.
Thanks so much for sharing a most worthy subject and write in the POW, and good luck.
Best wishes,
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Thank you so much 'Trista' for your comments and suggestions. I appreciate them. I normally don't write with all those questions - guess it was just a bad visit that day and, unfortunately, she is slipping toward the point that I am afraid she will look at me and I will ask myself...'does she even know who I am now'...it's been really hard as I am still dealing with/coping from my father's death a few months ago (we were so close) and have written just a little on his cancer and this is the first on mom's disease. I do plan on putting it (Alzheimer's) in my categories and I think, now, in the title, too.
I would like to work with this - and not lose the raw edge...not sure if maybe I might just rewrite it or do an entirely different one.
Thank you so much again.
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This one was hard
I also have a mother in the final stages of Alzheimer's disease, I write of her often too. I think it helps, since nothing else does. Excellent job poet!
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Thank you so much 'DawnBaby' for the nice comment and applause.
I certainly wish you all the best, and the emotional strength you need, on your own coping with your mom. I would like to read your writes. This, I think, is the first I've done on mom - I'm still dealing with/coping from my father's death a few months ago.
I will be 'over' to check out your writes.
Thanks again.
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An amazing topic to tackle when it is so emotional and so close. You do a good job of keeping an observer's distance, thereby not carrying the piece into maudlin emotionality.
Let me suggest you rewrite the piece speaking of your mother(?) in the third person rather than the second. It will further show a separation cause by the disease.
I would further encourage you to revisit and simplify the last three stanzas. In the stanza about her grandsons, show us, don't tell. I would lose the last, two word, questioning stanza.
In the next to last stanza try something like this:
Still breathing, still hearing
still feeling, still seeing,
a demise of the mind -
living death.
Consider adding 'Alzheimer’s' to your title.
Godd luck,
Jim
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Thank you so much 'JimBerkheiser' for your wonderful comment and advice. I like your suggestions and will work with those ideas (plus improve my grammar and punctuation!..lol). And I was going to add 'alzheimer's' to the categories I listed, after the contest as I don't think I am allowed to change anything now, am I?
Sincere thanks.
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Quite a few grammar/punctuation errors I saw. Do a reread for grammar.
I do think this piece has a good deal of emotion, but instead of saying it “I feel very sad when I bring my sons to see you” (that's just so blah) use poetic device to express it. Use imagery, metaphor, symbolism. Give me something to chew on.
Other than those things, it definitely made me think, and made me ponder what Alzheimer's is and how it makes people see/hear/feel, like you said.
I haven't read really any of this theme before, so it certainly counts as unique in my book.
Just put in a little more imagery and metaphor etc. to balance your show and tell, since most of this is narrative so far. -
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Thank you so much 'EnAttendant' for your comment and advice. I will work on those areas - the punctuation, grammar and using metaphors, etc. I just dashed off my emotions after a visit with mom...should have waited a bit and then written this. I appreciate your advice.
Alzheimer's is a dreadful disease (as most diseases are) that robs the person's mind (and causes many other awful changes in some).
Thank you again.
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Welcome Poet ~
The main thing I am going to hit your entry on....is the punctuation and grammatical issues, such as...Capping certain words when beginning a new line ~
Your Flow is some-what obstructed by this, and it would have read sooooo much better had you not been so personally attatched to this write, and your thoughts would have been more on the entry, than on your topic......but......this is totally acceptable and I will not deduct much for Form or Flow ~
However, because of the importance of this messgae and personal thoughts, you have clearly shown us what talents spill from your Quill ~
Well done, and I wish you the very best.....and may the good Lord comfort your mother as he watches over her night and day ~
:)
Be well,
....God is looking after you too,
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.85
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.8
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 99.65
Very nice job ~
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Thank you so much for your advice and for the wonderful and unexpected scoring and for your 'blessings'. I am in tears.
I will read up on my issues with the grammar and punctuation and try to improve my writing.
I am honored by your comments. Thank you.
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This is a very amazing write and im glad you did not remove it and the background looks good Very great much love
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Thank you 'Starz'...your comment and applause are much appreciated. I still think I could do better if I'd take some time with this - it was dashed off (mingled with tears) after my visit there today.
much love/blessings to you also
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Excellent job!
Don't you dare pull it! It has great possibilities of being gold....you have to change your background to white though! I made the same mistake..it will take points from a wonderful entry!!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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I just tried again - is it white yet?
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'Islekine', thank you so much for the wonderful comment and applause.
(I need help with this background - this was my first attempt. Would you mind messaging me some advice on how to do this? Thanks.)
blessings/peace/joy
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Hi, I thought this was amazing. The love you have for your mom shines through in your words.
You have asked the questions that so many people who have a relative with alzheimers must ask themselves. I know I have asked myself these same questions as my mom has alzheimers. There are no easy answers with this illness as so very little is known about the condition, only that it varies from person to person and also varies according to the stage of the illness that the person is in and that even this can vary in different people.
Please don't take this wonderful poem out of the contest. It deserves to be read. Take care of yourself All my very best wishes & much love from your friend Rose xxx for you x
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'RoseQuartz' thank you so, so much for the wonderful comment on this. Even though people seem to like my 'emotional' writes, I delete most of them - lack of confidence maybe, or feeling self-conscious I don't know. Anyways, yes...it is a 'living death' for that person, and a death of another kind for their loved ones. And it does vary so, so much.
I wish the very best for you and your mother. I hope it goes slowly and kindly, like my mom has so far. In the last few months since my father passed away, mom has gotten quieter - and there are just so many questions that will probably never get answered.
I really appreciate your comment on this. It meant a lot.
love/peace/blessings
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This is just powerful!!! The verse is emotional and so deeply felt! This is a devastating illness that is truly a living hell for so many...I cried for you and for she my friend...
Love and Prayers~
Az
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Bless you Az for your nice comments - they always 'prop-up' my confidence and mean a lot. Appreciate it and your love and prayers.
Thanks.
blessings/joy/peace
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First of all, the title suits the poem very well. Secondly, I thought your choice of words complimented this peice well, too. I can tell you poured your heart out, and emotion just seems to "seep" out with every word. This is amazing!
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'CaptainRedd'...I am so honored by your wonderful comment. I had many, many thoughts and questions of my own - mainly whether to post it or not! And am still debating whether to pull it or not!
So, thank you so, so much.
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