A Dream

I lay awake staring
feeding myself nothing
soul empty
lay in silence
await the embrace
darkness

I drift to where I was before
embraced in emptiness
alone in nothingness

I remember his breath
the smell of his decay

I remember his eyes
such a sharp contrast
of the warmth of the day
from inside it came to prey

I remember he followed me to the top

I remember the despair
how the sound of the weathered boards
pressed me for air

I remember how he did it
He told me I was nothing

I remember the callous of his hands
the caress of my face
he tells me he hates us

before he starts
I wake
cold sweat
heart pounding
ribs about to break

cant sleep
cant breathe
weight of the world
crushing me

are you an inoculation
or a poison
killing me
touch you
caress you
but i push you away
it heals me
it kills me
so I remain distant

right side numb
I hear the world die
myself watching me
pleading to be free
chasing escape
I slip through the boards

I pray for the day
where I am no longer broken
where I can finally repay
the pain
the broken
the forgotten

I'm sorry
I cant
I'm broken
I hate me
without reasons
without mistakes
I say it fills the wholes
from which we bled
I say it suppresses
the demons we were fed
they feed
on when we are nothing
just to be
do we purge ourselves
for anything
just to prove
we have something
to die for