Whether fifty years, or half a century to a gloomy Gus
Time seems to doggedly hound us all,
Whether rich or poor it definitely affects us
At times feeling like a gloomy, gloomy pall.
And as we begrudgingly bid our youth farewell
And yesteryear’s dreams slip by us,
We may even wish we could cast a spell
Although, that really doesn’t seem quite pious.
So, as sauntering thoughts with body in tow
Seem to occupy most of your day,
Remember to do your utmost to let your love show
Because it’s best to be remembered that way.
Author notes
Dedicated to Margaret on her fiftieth birthday. Happy birthday dear and, may you enjoy many more.
In a list
A contest entry
- Allpoetry: If you know MargaretG please enter. by Lyndon.
1780 points, ended December 17, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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awwww such a lovely poem, and great a birthday =)
lovely job!
stephanie =)
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Thank you again for these birthday thoughts.
I've been looking at the rhymes again, and it seems to me that the verses are in abab quatrains, with a space after the first two lines.
Today, the last two lines have special significance.
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Great!
I consider this a very good Birthday wish. And I feel someone like you who has turned fifty this year knows better to say what really matters. Apart from my appreciation for the wonderful thoughts in the poem, I would like to let you know that the attempts to rhyme has made the poem a bit awkward at places. I can tell this, because I am also just learning to compose form poetry and I fail miserably at rhyming, most of the times. I personally feel that your unrhymed verse is perfect, but if you can also be a master of rhyme with some practise like this, you will be one among the top poets here. Congrats!
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Experiential and thoughtful lines.
I cannot quite make out what you were doing in your rhymed pattern. I shall look at it more closely later, given time. However, this is an honest man's sincere expression and I should think Margaret would value that.
Talk as we might of eternity, one thing is sure: we live on in the minds and memories of those who loved us. Thank you.
Ron.
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Thank you kindly sir for taking time out from your well involved day to view my heartfelt tribute. I do apologize if my poem’s ’rhyme pattern’ was not as polished as you are suggesting and, that is why I joined your group sir; to learn about such things.
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Sincere thoughts... which I am sure Margaret will appreciate.
But it is NOT a couplet in the usually accepted sense. A couplet is two lines of poetry, either rhyming with each other, or not rhyming at all. Do be careful about using the names of poetic forms, unless you are quite sure that you know exactly what they are! (If uncertain, check with a good dictionary - preferably the OED!).
May I also suggest that "Gus" in the first line strikes one as having been introduced simply to provide a rhyme (and it is never a good idea to give that impresssion!) and that - at least to my cis-Atlandic ear, - PI-ous does not rhyme with the monosyllabic -us words since it is stressed on the first syllable. For my ear to perceive it as a rhyme, it would have to be a disyllabic ("feminine") rhyme.
For example:
The overly pious
Are a plague sent to try us,
With their warnings of Hell
Where the devils will fry us!
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Right...thank you.
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Some very good
advice followed in the last two lines and though our reflection on reflecting may seem quite depressing we should keep our hands busy when idle the time! I did understand your sharing of these thoughts for Margaret G on her birth day. joy
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Growing old is something we should be so glad to face as it reminds us that we have been lucky enough to live a long time while many others don't have that chance - but - you seldom think about that part when you try to do something and find your body wont allow it anymore. lol
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Remember to do your utmost to let your love show
Because it’s best to be remembered that way.
EXCELLENT advice. If you’re gonna get old
(and you will if you don’t die) you might as
well make things easy on yourself. And nobody
likes a crabby old woman. Good work and nice
of you to write her a birthday poem.
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Beautiful job of presenting the good side of growing older. We think that growing old takes away certain abilities, yet it opens up many more.
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Great moral!
You have hit a home run with this one - not only is youth quickly fleeing, but the December days are gloomy here and I forgot what I admired most about my elders.
The final two lines are the ones which erase frowns and decrease wrinkles!
You are evidently a man of thought and experience, thank you for these birthday wishes!
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beautiful, the ending pack a punch and reveals truly what matters!
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I really loved the word usage in this piece. I like the fact that there was a positive message. Bravo!
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nice
and some dummy said "we don't get older - just better" pffffffff
but loved the "sauntering thoughts with body in tow" now that's a great image. should be universally coined
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