The Crescent - Chapter 11

11

Oh, God!
Please,
Help my audience understand.
Reading this isn’t enough.
Hearing me ramble on about
Headless chickens,
Dead guppies,
And spilled Pepsi
Doesn’t begin to describe
Donna
Or my experiences.
If only,
Oh,
If only they could
See her soul.
Much like ours,
Her universe is endless
And ever expanding.
Inside our classroom,
I ignore the boring lessons
Of
Iambic pentameter,
Shakespearean sonnet form,
Or “Hamlet”.
From my seat,
I look forward
And see
Donna.
From my seat,
I look into her universe.
Although I am not allowed in,
I can’t help but continue to look.
I draw
And try to capture the sights that I see
Inside of her.
I look at my artwork.
Never have I ever had an inspiration like this!

*          *          *

I decided that I was going to create a masterpiece.
I had no idea what the masterpiece might look like.
So,
I pulled out my sketchbooks
And I flipped through the pages.
Wow!
Donna
Really did a number on me!
I looked very carefully at my compositions.
Oh,
How much it would hurt.
I would be reminded of all the times
Donna
Would look through my sketchbook
And say to me:
“Wow! This is nice.”
If only she knew.
If only she wouldn’t depend on cheap words.
If only she would read the images that I provide.
It frustrated me greatly!
The feelings,
The ideas,
The wishes,
They were all their in plain sight!
But,
Like the rest of them,
She just didn’t understand.
She just couldn’t peel away the skin of the image
And see its subtext.
As for me,
Oh,
I understood,
But I couldn’t bring myself to explain.
Can you blame me?
Do you really expect me to say:
I looked at another drawing.
Good God,
Do I really expect
Donna
To understand this sketch?
And then,
That’s when it hit me.
I was being to abstract.
I had to say it,
Or shut the hell up!
So then I decided on my masterpiece.
I was going to paint a portrait of
Donna.

*          *          *

I sat down
And looked at the blank sheet of paper.
I couldn’t draw her.
It was annoying.
Donna’s
Look was so distinct,
But my mind couldn’t hold on to her face for more than a second.
I had no choice.
I had to use her as a model.
But,
I knew I couldn’t actually use her as a
Live model.
I tried that before.
It was a pain in the ass.
She kept moving and was too shy for her own good.
So,
I decided to use a photo of her.
It was like Deja-vu.
She was even shy then!
So,
I let her choose the photograph she wanted me to reference.
So,
I waited for her to bring the photo.
But,
You know what?
In all honesty,
I didn’t expect her to ever bring the photo.
Donna
Was scared of eternity,
And that’s what the portrait was all about:
Making
Donna
Eternal through acrylic paint on canvas.
But,
Donna
Surprised me!
One day in class,
Out of the blue,
She said
“Oh! I almost for got,
Here.”
She turned around,
Opened her backpack
And pull the photograph out.
I looked at it.
It was perfect.
Not too glamorous,
Not too blurry.
It
Was
Just
Donna.
Just standing there,
Calm and as modest as could be.
It’s just what I wanted.
I didn’t want a picture of
Donna
Smiling.
I wanted
Donna
In her true nature.
Yes,
The picture was perfect,
So was the time,
And the weather.
All variables were in my favor.
It was going to be my best piece yet.
I was going to make sure of it.

*          *          *

Blank
Canvas.
Then,
I made a mark.
Now it began.
I would mix,
Look at the photograph,
Mix again,
And then paint a few strong strokes.
Right from the beginning,
It was great.
I could feel it.
I knew it was going to be my best piece yet.
Every morning,
I would wake up and prepare
To work on it.
After a few days,
It became an obsession.
I
Wanted
Perfection!
I wanted
Every highlight,
Every shade
Of every hue.
I captured every hill and every dip of every inch of her face.
Soon,
My eyes were so acquainted with the photo that I didn’t need it anymore.
All details were dead on,
Except one part.
Her eyes.
The eyes are arguably the most important part of a portrait,
And due to the photograph’s bad lighting,
I couldn’t do
Donna’s
Eyes any justice.
I needed
Donna
Now.
I needed her to model for me.
I needed her eyes.
Only then,
Yes,
Only then would my portrait be a success.

*          *          *

I waited in class.
I would see someone walk in
And say:
“Oh,
Its
Donna!
No,
It isn’t.
It’s someone else.”
After repeating that about 12 times,
She finally walked in,
And sat down.
I greeted her as usual,
And then I went straight to the point.
“I need you to model.
I need to paint off of your eyes.
The lighting in the photo is bad.”
So,
She looked at me,
And turned away.
“But…”
Then I said
“I need you so that I can finish the portrait.”
She would try to look me in the eyes,
Then she would turn away.
Just what the hell was her problem?
I decided to compromise.
“How about this?
I’ll draw your eyes right now,
And then I’ll use the drawing as reference.”
She agreed,
Finally.
She looked at me
Right
In
The
Eyes.
Then she turned away.
I decided not try anymore.
I was going to have to just paint the eyes as always.
I did.
It was no masterpiece.
I walked away from the painting,
Defeated.

*          *          *

I can’t lie.
After the whole portrait thing,
Things were different.
It ended abruptly.
Just like a sentence.
She started avoiding me for some reason.
Call dodged,
Greetings ignored,
Cold shoulders in the hallway.
It confused me.
It angered me.
It hurt me.
I had a feeling
That all would end.
Is

It

All

Over?