Think we often wonder
how others see us
and what our image is
to those who meet us for the first time.
Inside we think
we know who we are;
yet this outer character portrayed
can be misleading,
not only to those on the outside
but to ourselves as well.
During a typical day
each of us plays several roles
from parent, child, caregiver, worker
cook, taxi driver, teacher
to loner, lover, spouse, friend, enemy.
Does pretending to be someone
really fool others,
or is the facade we project
only dupe us?
Can we trick ourselves
into believing
we are what we are not,
or is this ruse
but a joke on us?
Who we see in the mirror
might not be the person
we actually are deep inside;
that suave and joie de vivre presentation
covers up a lack of self esteem
and insecurity that haunts us forever.
We cannot
pull the wool over our own eyes;
those with downcast glances
have something to hide.
Beware.
Author notes
POW
theme: how we try to fool others into believing we are someone we are not
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love the wording and depth in this. I think you did a great job in saying this. I can't pick a favorite line - I liked too many of them.
Good luck in the contest.
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Nice theme!
I felt there was a word or some sort of punctuation missing from your first line or two, as it took a couple of readings to smooth it out in my mind. "Think" may not even be necessary, especially since you repeat the word in stanza 2. I found the long "list" in stanza 3 a bit over done. 4 or 5 examples would have done just as well as the dozen you have, and wouldn't interrupt the flow so much.
"or is the facade we project
only dupe us?" replace "is" with "does", perhaps?
Your thoughts in this are wonderful, but I really felt it needed a balance of imagery and/or metaphor. So, nice scores in originality and theme, but imagery will definitely suffer.
Still, a wonderful poem for us this week, with a great ending stanza. Thanks so much for the entry, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J. -
I found this a bit prosy. There is a total lack of imagery, simile, metaphor or any other discernable poetic devices.
The title indicate a lesson will follow and does not disappoint.
The first stanza reads like a question unless you place a comma after 'Think'.
Jim -
Couple grammar mistakes I saw, so do a reread for grammar. (i.e., joie de vivre is not an adjective)
I thought the title was pretty good. Neatly summed up the poem.
I think this had a good deal of emotional depth circling through it.
I would have liked a tad more imagery/metaphor/symbolism to boost your balance of show/tell.
I have to say the last few lines were amazing. I thought the piece was pretty good up til then, but those lines were absolutely beautiful! “those with downcast glances/have something to hide./Beware.”
There's something very poetic about it, and the simplicity of the last line: “Beware.” really hits hard. -
I find the last stanza especially poignant... a powerful write, indeed, evocative of reflection...
beautifully written!
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Hi Erika!
*but to ourselves *AS* well*??
OK....wow, what a great entry this week!
I do see some punctuation which *I feel* was needed, but there was nothing out of the ordinary which a little bit of editing can't solve ~
I think this is one of your better Themes....and I think you dug deep enough without going over-board with Filler Words ~
It almost read as a *Statement*.....but I know a little about how your Quill spills Ink, so it was not bad at all ~
I really hope you bring us something this deep and thought provoking in the POY contest, as that is going to take a LOT of Impact on us Judges to win such an Honor ~
No editing until after all Judges have reviewed your work ~
Let's see how this scores.....good luck Hun,
Brother Bear ~
Title 9.45
Flow 9.6
Depth 9.8
Theme 10
Feelings 9.8
Grammar 9.55
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 98.0
Great score :)
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great piece, love the theme. Best of luck to you in the contest
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Well penned.
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Wow this is very wonderful! Deep rich depth and meaning, loving the flow and thoughts you penned into this masterpiece! WOW you have done a beautiful take on the prompt~ blessings always~
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