So many rules, what can I write about?
Write about myself? Or will that strike out?
Re-read all the rules and regulations
Though that's leading to more complications.
But there's so many written po-ems
Like little eminem's
So colorful. But after a bite
Same flavor, nothing that will respite.
All these liars, and cheaters
families who live with beaters
Repetitive, what will you do about it?
Read it? Rate it? Or Tell you that you made it?
They want you to express these feelings
The ones that made you this way, high as the ceiling.
Will you give up?
After you lose or will you make up
Another lie, or maybe a sadisfactory rhyme.
Or goto school, and shoot it up with your nine?
Relax this isn't supposed to be critical
You won't get sent to the principal.
Just let it out, tell us your frustrated
Tell us about all that stuff you hated
It will make you better, might even solve
Those feelings bottled up, soon will evolve
So we write, and write until win a prize
And then when it's over we will say our goodbyes
Author notes
POW
Feelings you feel entering these things o.o
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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sorry I don't see how this has to do with music or music inspiration at all besides a brief mention of eminem in there...and thats about it...I have to remove this poem
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liked the flow of this, i didn't think the rhymes were forced. nice write, it was dope.
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I can relate
Not hard to relate to the frustrations of rules, so many and one mistake and you are gone! So paying attention is required for this one. Enjoyable read and easy to relate to, with the exception of the "Goodbye" part. I find these folks seem to enjoy our progress almost as much as we do!
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Hummm...there have been a few poems similar in theme to this one entered in the PO contests lately, which doesn't bode super well for originality.
I can definitely relate to the frustration in this though, from when I was on the other side of the contests - entering - instead of judging.
The first time reading through this, the grammar really took my attention away from the poem. In addition to things already mentioned, "tell us your (you're) frustrated", and I think you're missing a word in the second to last line?
It's nice to read something a little more lighthearted, but it doesn't generally score well in areas like depth and imagery. So, whatever the score may be, know that I did enjoy the read.
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J.
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I find this trite.
Anyway, fifth line of the second stanza, "sadisfactory" is not satisfactory. In the next line, separate 'go' and 'to'.
Jim
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Some grammar/vocab errors, so reread. (such as 'nothing that will respite'. Respite is a transitive verb; it has to take an object. Something can't just 'respite'.) Also, I really hope your title is a typo. Otherwise, that slangy spelling just grates on my nerves.
Flow was decent, with some forced-sounding rhymes here and there.
I think I can feel your frustration coming through, but some solid imagery would help it.
I didn't see much poetic device; imagery, metaphor, allusion, symbolism would really help this piece along. -
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Imagination...
what you need to have to read my poems.. I know they aren't textbook style, but that's what makes them creative in my point of view..
And I wanted it to be different..
"I didn't see much poetic device; imagery, metaphor, allusion, symbolism would really help this piece along. "
See how you said "I didn't see much..."
That's the comment I wanted...
Thanks
*edit*
Oh, and for the title, Not a typo. But instead a feeling of "loss of words"...
!
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I can understand where you were trying to go with the title, but I would have preferred it if you had chosen something more like "Write about...?" The way you have it simply doesn't come across as a loss of words, and, in fact, is just the loss of one letter. It looks like lazy typing or an absentminded willingness to slip into slang. Judging by the rest of your poem, you are more than capable of coming up with a creative way of expressing that "loss of words" feeling.
It might sound harsh, but as bear said, you wouldn't have entered this contest if you weren't looking for honest opinions. -
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Again.. You are telling me what YOU would have done..
... And what I am looking for...
???
Wow....
DIAF!
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I'm not telling you what I would have done.
I'm informing you of the impressions you are giving your reader.
A good poet cares not only about how the poem reads to him/her, but also how the poem looks to the eyes of the reader.
If you only care about how the poem looks to you, why post it online? -
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jeez! who called the AP-Popo on me?!
Everyone reads poems differently. I don't see how you "know" the impressions I give others..
I don't plan out my poems. I simply write them, and see how it turns out.
And for the record, only you and your husband, old man wrinkle, had "trite" things to say..
Must suck to have to be a bitch all the time
poor you
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Hmmm ~
Well, I can't say you didn't grab my attention from line 1 :)
However......if you want an honest critique from me, then you join the PO' contests and I'll tell you exactly how I feel about your entry ~
Deal?
OK :)
I think your entry is honest, and so many will be able to relate....however, when this is over, we don't just say goodbye, as we look forward to seeing each and every one of you here each week to spill your soul and thoughts ~
I feel as though you could have put more effort into this entry, and really made us take a look at what your serious thoughts were concerning the PO' contests.....but.....you chose not to do that, so let's see how it is going to score from me...ok?
....and remember, we take the PO' contests way too seriously to disregard your work here ~
Good luck Poet,
Bear ~
Title 9.65
Flow 9.4
Depth 9.25
Theme 9.7
Feelings 9.2
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.85
Uncommonness 9.8
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.4
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 95.75
Best score yet.....not bad ~
:)
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Heh.
I'll be honest.. I read the rules over and over.. It felt burdensome!
So what I got from it.. Is write something different..
Well my friend.. Different I can do!
I am new to poetry/AP all together (durned g/f)
Also I was listening to 2pac at the time (RIP)..
Not a rap kinda guy.. But after that I couldn't help but make it a little hip hoppity rappity
It's a fun read
Try to rap it
*edit*
And for the "say goodbye's" part.. I've found after the winner is picked people congradulate, then that's it, till you see them again in another contest
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Hehe, great toping, love it. Made me smile Good luck to you in the contest
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Best wishes in the contest...
Write on...
*PEACE*
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