love so precious
yet this time so fake
you feel hard and distant
what has happened this day
you said all those thing but did you mean it too?
I can't bear the thought
I will not let this control me
im holding onto you
bring you back from the place you once came
this time im not letting go
Remember this time
i will not bring you back
if you become distant once more
believe me im out the door
A contest entry
- You deserved much better!!!!! by Great Cthulhu.
1450 points, ended March 16, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive critizism welcome
Comments
-
Tough Love
Love is one of the most powerful forces known to humans. The tempered dedication in your write is refreshing to see. I'm holding on, but just this one last time. You can love no one properly if unhappy. I would like to see a more complete proofread. Thanks for entering! -
I agree that this poem has a lot more potential... I would recommend taking another look at your poem, and making some edits... think grammar and punctuation... think poetic devices
Thank you for entering, but due to a short number of entries, I am closing the contest as per the rules.
All the best! -
Sorry ...
this is a contest for rhymed poems only. -
Nice poem, theres definatly much potential in your lines, the message is clear and the lines flow very nicely without nessacarilly needing a rhyme pattern, which I personally like in a poem.
Even thoughn this is your first poem I've read, it seems safe to say you have a definate natural nack for making a poem flow and conveying emotion. Definatly keep on writting.
-Falecurst
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