I don't know what made me
do what I did that day,
but I just want you to know
that I'm sorry.
I almost lost you
and I don't want that.
I'm just so glad that
you decided to stay
and I'm going to prove you
that you made a good decision.
Right now,
losing you
is my biggest fear
and I don't know what
I'd do
without you.
You mean the world to me
and you always will.
I'm just letting you know
that nothing happened
when Tylor was here
and I wasn't going to let it.
Remember when I told you
that I would tell the whole world
that I love you?
Well, Baby,
I'm doing that now.
I love you so much
and I really can't wait
until the day
that I hear you say
"I do."
That day is closer than we think
and I've already made that promise to you.
It might mean nothing right now,
but it will mean the world
when the time comes.
You mean the world to me
and I'm so sorry about what happened.
Please forgive me, Baby.
I know you don't trust me
and you don't like
being in my apartment anymore,
but I swear I'll
make it up to you.
I know that it doesn't matter to you
and you're tired of hearing it,
but Baby,
I really am sorry.
I honestly didn't mean anything by it.
I love you so much, Baby,
and I always will.
Author notes
Tuesday, I ended up talking to a guy I haven't talked to in months. I just sent him an email saying hi and telling what's been going on. Justin, my boyfriend, hates this guy with a passion. Well, Tylor emailed me back saying that I should leave Justin and go with him and something about he can treat me right and he'll let me hangout with whoever I want, whoever guy I want. He said that as long as I'm with him, he doesn't care what I do or something like that. Well, Tylor came over Tuesday night and at first, Justin thought he was one of Nea's friends because her and her boyfriend were there. After Justin left, I told him that the guy was Tylor and he almost left me. He said that 99% of him wanted to leave me that night and now he's thinking about whether he made the right decision or not. I didn't mean anything by Tylor coming over. It's just that I met him in Tulsa while we were waiting for the bus to pick us up and bring us back to Lawton. I told him about the refuge and he sounded interested in it because he loves nature. He's never been to Lawton and he came from Michigan or something like that. I told him that I would show him around town. Well, Justin got mad because he told me that this guy didn't need to be shown around town and he didn't want to be my friend. He made me promise that I wouldn't talk to Tylor again and I haven't for months until I discovered I still had his email address and said hi. Now everything with Justin and I are just screwed up and it's all my fault. I really didn't mean anything by that. I didn't think about what would happen or anything. It all just happened so fast, you know. I just hope that he forgives me and doesn't regret his decision to stay with me. I know he doesn't deserve me after what I did to him and he didn't deserve what I did. He's always been so sweet to me and this is how I repaid him. I just wish I could die for what I've done. I risked losing the one person in my life that I truly love just be friends with somebody else. I don't get it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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i know how hard it is to be in a relationship where the guy your with hates your friend, but if he really loved you he would not make you pick and he would trust you. he would trust that you would be faithful to him and trust that you love him with all of your heart and he would not make you decide between the two. i hope you work things out, but if you dont im sorry. i just hope you find a guy that can trust you with all aspects of his life. i have yet to find it but i know its out there for everyone. good luck.
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I feel for you
I dont think its right that this guy doesn't like you being friends with this other guy, but if you love him that much... you know its hard. if I could choose one lesson over the years that would be the most important one, it's this: true love should be unconditional, and its a two way street. Everything your giving to him he should be giving to you and you him. If you cant have a friend thats a boy he shouldn't have a friend thats a girl. I say talk to him more and try to work it out. He should trust you more. That's my humble opinion anyways
Good luch with everything sweetie <3
Brit
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Action
Yes, you made a mistake but you have to learn to forgive yourself and take the experience from this situation to help you make wise decisions. When you are in a relationship hiding things is not good. Right now you are not ready for marriage. These are signs of adultry or cheating on your partner. This should be carefully thought out. If you know that you have a problem in this area you should wait and get a understanding of trust in realtionship. You deliberatly went behind your boyfriend back on what he requested of you to keep your relationship with him in good standing. Remember it takes two in realtionships concerning makeups and breakups. If you can't make this relationship work with your boyfreind now you are showing that you can't make it work with this guy or anyone else. You will repeat this behavior over and over until you decide to really do things right; this could also destroy a marriage. If you are considering marriage you have to do the right things while you are dating that person to go into a healthy marriage. When we date we think it is love and we hide our true selves to get the other person to like us. But after time when we are comfortable is when the real self begans to show itself and there is the test of "real love". We as people are not perfect and will never find the perfect man or woman. But we must be willing to do the right things to make relationships work. I am not trying to be harsh on you and understand. Just take some notes of what happend for this is revealing some character flaws about your personality.
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Scary Good
it's really good i love it.
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goodness, you're in a bad spot. i know how it feels to be so in love but to have done something to offend and then been so sorry for it afterward.. just happened the other day. i cried hard nonstop for 7 hours that night and i'm still a little depressed, but after expressing to my boyfriend just how sorry i was to have offended him and explaining what i had really been saying, he told me it was alright, that he loved me and we moved on. if your boyfriend really loves you as much as you seem to love him, he'll forgive you. just try talking to him again. don't fight, don't get desperate if he doesn't listen at first. just explain to him again what you're feeling and what happened and if he really cares, he'll listen eventually and let it go. you should ask him what he's really thinking about all of it too. maybe his seeming overbearingness is just his way of trying to keep you safe. but if he still can't get over it after a day or two once you've talked, you should probably let him go. hurt though it may, he can't help you if he doesn't really love you. i hope everything turns out for you. props for the poem, btw.
~~
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...well, here it is: you DIDN'T do anything wrong. you talked to a friend. and your bf didn't understand. yes, your bf has reason to wonder what really went on. BUT, he should trust you and be able to work through it. even if something did happen, what about second chances? ..if it's the first time and that's how he acts.. well. i don't know that i'd stay with him.. on the other hand, you did say that your bf hated the guy, was that before you met him (Tylor)? because if that's the case he (your bf) may know Tylor as a bad guy for hurting people or something else, and didn't want you to get hurt, and was just worried when you were with him, and your bf let if out in an angry manner.. i don't know.. but i do wish you the best of luck.
Candace -
Wow great piece, great write from the heart.
Hun, I've been thru this situation more times than you ever will. Trust me if he doesn't love you enough now to trust you with friends wether they are guys or girls than the so called trust he has for you will never grow and with out that trust your love will never grow. It will only get worse.. Good Luck dear.
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Wow that is a very good piece. In a way I can somewhat relate to this. Thanks so much for sharing that was very well written. Keep it up.
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Love
Is something shared by two people that trust one another. Without trust, love is only lust. When you truly trust and believe in someone you will learn what love really is. We are not perfect and you have to accept the flaws and the good points to really love someone. Time will tell, but it sounds like this love needs to be worked on by both parties! Good luck, The Shaker
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If he doesn't trust you, maybe he's not the right one.
I've been through a situation like this. It's not the best situation to be in, because all you are is friends with the other person.
If your boyfriend can't understand that, then maybe he doesn't love you. And if he does, maybe he needs to learn to trust you. -
Hun...I've been through this, if a guy diesn't trust you now...it'll get worse! if he loves you like you would he would forgive you right away, you just talked to a friend...no reaon to take it with jealousy..its up to you, look within yourself what do you see and is this really what your ready to face on a daily basis?
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I saw this on your page and thought that you really need to read it again:
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong.- 1
Cor. 13:4-7
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I guess I'm beating that dead horse here, but a man who loves you will want you to have friends. He should believe in you enough to know that you are smart enough to know if a guy is a friend or a jerk. How about Justin? No other women around, at all?? Or is that "different".
You have no apology to make. But, Justin has several: One for turning his jealosy into being your fault, he should take responsibility for his own feelings. Two for trying to tell you who you can be friends with, he is not your father and you are not 12. And three for not trusting you, a friend dropping by your place is no basis for a lost of trust. Justin's over jealouse reaction, is however, something you should be concerened about. If you have a father, brother or other man that you really trust and respect, go talk to him about this.
But then of course you are young, and a young girl in love will always idolize "her man" and always put herself at fault. And, like the rest of us, you will probably have to learn about controlling men the hardway.
And it is very likely that eventually you will not be allowed to have any friends, including girls. I do feel for you, and I know that this is all very hard and confusing, but I hope you can open yours eyes and see clearly past the fog of love. A fog that that we have all been in. It is truly all consuming.
Your poem is very well written, you have talent. So keep writing, to be a writer you only have to write. Never let anyone tell you that you can't write. That would be worse than letting someone pick your friends.
Good luck,
Sandra
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I agree completely with freed by mercy.
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wow, what a cmplexity hving more than one boyfriend over time can cause! I am so lucky I've only ever had one boyfriend, and we have been together for 3 years. It really makes life easier not having to worry about ex boyfriends showing up and stuff. All I can say is, I am glad I don't have to deal with that kind of stuff, I have enough stress in life
Nice poem. Hopefully your boyfriend will understand.
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Yeah, I don't get it either. You didn't kiss the guy, he just came to your apartment while others were there. You told him the truth. Justin sound s a bit over-controlling to me, and a bit too easily threatened. You really didn't do anything wrong.
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Girl. he should trust you more. But you should concider his feelings. Tylor said you could run with anyone as ling as your there when he wants you. You can see through that... You don't need to be somebodys toy.
The poem should show how you feel and that you are sorry. But then again, like i said he should trust you more..
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You have apologized now it's up to Justin to accept your apology and the two of you move on. Your poem tells it all.
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I agree with what has already been said, your poem is heart felt though...
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idr like the poem but I can see how you're feeling. No guy should ever make you do that, they should trust you enough to not cheat on them w/e. Good luck w/ everything hope it turns out okay in the end.
"stay golden"
-gabi
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darling, honeslty, no guy can tell ya who to be freinds with, thats retarded! not to mention cruel. who is he? a dictator?
its obvious that you care for him though. you love him right? thats what it looks like. he should forgive you, but there is nothing to forgive you for, you did nothing wrong. stay strong.
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I think he will get over it...again I tell you...we all need our friends...our mate may not like some of them...but if they trust you...it is wise to keep that trust sacred...and never violate it...but if one is controling you...it's best to get out before life gets difficult....If your man was there why would he be mad...He knows nothing happend....if he wasnt..well Id have a hard time beleaving nothing happend...again..trust is the issue...being in love with someone who does not let you breathe...will sufficate you and you will never be happy...
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OK.... Thats bullshit... NO GUY should EVER tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't.
You shouldn't be all upset... YOU DIDN't do anything... DID YOU LEAVE YOU BF for him.... NO... so you didn't do ANYTHING wrong....
I hate it that guys make girls feel guilty just because they are insecure.
hun... my advice... don't feel bad... for talking to a friend -
WOW!! Honey if the guy don't trust you now..He never will. Trust me it will only get worse. Jealousy will set in and eat you both up. Believe me on this one.. I feel the emotions and pain in your penned words my friend great work. I know such an emotional write can hurt and it may also heal. ..God luck, in whatecver you do.
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Why am I so retarded? I just don't get why I would do this the one person I love the most. What can I do? Thanks for commenting.
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