Frozen laments I promise melt in summertime.
When hope is a burden and despair's a nightmare;
with love and warm embrace, I'll soothe you with care.
Soar above the clouds fading in gray
Stand beside me now and embrace me always
Like a monster rendered of all his regretful shames
Filter through me the joy of a love bursting aflame
When two souls sail under the same midnight sky
the clouds can't disperse nor curse love's shooting star
for the sentimental tunes of lovers heartbeat's
lull in sweet rhythm of teenagers rapturing kiss.
No more darkness, heightens in lover’s passion
Kiss me, breathe me, and quaff my intoxication
In this ambiance of mystic moonlight’s affection
Let us dance as if we were each other’s possession
This time, a lifetime of sublime sensations
Frozen laments I promise melt in summertime
Let your fears succumb in the twilight of daylight
In every waking moment, let me be your shelter
one love, one lifetime is all I bound to share
With you just before my spirit withers
No more darkness, heightens in lover’s passion
Kiss me, breathe me, and quaff my intoxication
In this ambience of mystic moonlight’s affection
Let us dance as if we were each other’s possession
This time, a lifetime of sublime sensations
Soar with me above the clouds fading in gray
Stand besides me now and embrace me always
Of your love's admiration, I'll absorb your ray
Like a monster rendered of all his regretful shames
Filter through me the joy of a love bursting aflame
Author notes
Picture one
A contest entry
- Sweet Kisses at Dusk by DevinCora.
1050 points, ended January 23, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel something. by OhNoChastity.
430 points, ended January 24, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From December 2007 by amaranthine lover.
800 points, ended January 11, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR BEST!!! ya know ya wanna! by infinitechaos07.
450 points, ended January 10, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended January 14, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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You have woven a wonderfully sweet piece of love upon this page. So soft and tender like that of a warm breeze blowing across your cheek. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!
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"Frozen laments I melt in summertime."
I love that very first opening line, it promises so much but than on further reading of this piece, I became disappointed. You had started out so strong with a great line that promised imagery and other things deep, but then it just became some clichéd rhyming couplet piece when I know that you are able to pen something to wow a reader because of that very first line. Just go back and rework more imagery and stronger words to make the emotion clear but yet foreign and then I think you would have a really great piece at hand, thanks for entering
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Sweet work of love. First line delete [I promise}
second line-delete [When your]. Third line delete [with]. Second stanza is lovely. Third stanza line one delete [with me]. Second line delete [now].Fourth stanza first line delete [When]. I like the fourth stanza best.
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I thought this was a most interesting and well written poem. Although it had some odd word usages which I which I do not fully understand, but which I assume are dialect...I am desperately seeking new people to write a poem about. Unfortunately so many are now deceased.
If you tell me where you currently reside, is almost certain that a friend got killed there. I have recently attended about 30 family funerals and people recognise my black tie - it's the one with the instantly recognisable mixture of crocodile tears and the fat from Wall's bargain basement cocktail sausages. Thus it may take some time before I am able to write a poem and dedicate it to the dead of our mutual acquaintance, but eventually their pathetic dreams of immortality will come to pass. -
The rhyme is WONDERFUL. It's not distracting and annoying at all. Well done, beautiful imagery as well.
Thank you and good luck. -
hmmm.... interesting. it's nicly worded.
When two souls sail under the same midnight sky
the clouds can't disperse nor curse love's shooting star
^that's a very beautiful sentence!
thx for entering ur writes in my contest
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"Soar with me above the clouds fading in gray
Stand besides me now and embrace me always
Of your love's admiration, I'll absorb your ray
Like a monster rendered of all his regretful shames
Filter through me the joy of a love bursting aflame"
The only error that I found wrong, in my opinion, is the second line in this stanza, "Stand besides me" should be "Stand beside me", unless you were speaking of many, which is apparently not the case here.
Other than that, your poem is magnificent. Truely poetic and with deverse meaning, very well done. I will be reading more of your work in the very near future. Thank you for sharing this peace of mind with us all. -
This poem is really great I love the tone of it as i read it in my head I like the use of assonance and alliteration as well the rhyme though seems to me a little forced . As for the whole read it self i really enjoyed it. I did however come across 3 spelling mistakes One I'm not sure of but here they are
sooth this one two i' am not sure on also has two spellings :D soothe
twillight - twilight
ambience I'm not sure on this one two can be spelled ambiance to but I'm sure you probably choose the right oneExcellent Write Good luck in the contest
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wonderful soothing easy reading write. Good luck in contest.
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It's amazing what happens when two souls combine that are lovers. Amazing things do. Good job, and the best of luck!
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This poem is absolutely beautiful! I love the sentiments expressed here are, and the imagery is amazing. It just pulled me right in and I was able to relate all to well. The flow of it made it even easier to fall right into, easing the reader into the final kiss. What an ending. Amazing work.
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I love this, it's so beatiful! Good job on this also. I love the flow too. I would add some commas but that's just me....
Keep on Writing!!!
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beautiful a lovely write and for me a dream to read best of luck
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Really good
Im not sure exactly why I liked it. That could be due to the fact I havent slept in 4 days but ohwell =]
The one thing I can say is that I loved the way that it flowed along and you just sunk further and further into it as if you were a part of it.
The 3rd stanza had to be my favourite.
A true pleasure to read!
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Kiss me, breathe me, and quaff my intoxication.
I love this line.
Great wording.
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Such a lovely feast of a poem!
Absolute feast of a poem to enjoy!
Wonderfully and smartly written so many many stanza's
to enjoy! You really pulled out your passion voice and
wrote it very flowingly and wisely.
good job dear poet, good job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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wow!!!!!!! This is beyond beautiful. Once again the greatest romantic poet blesses my heart to see the light!
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BEAUTIFUL!
Filled with passion and wondrous language usage. This poem takes the reader on a romantic journey with words, kisses, touches, and leaves us with the deepest sigh. Your poetry has a way of "melting the heart". This is exceptional work my dear. I see Gold everywhere!
Always Loving YOU ♥
Mom
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this is really good. i like it. i wish i could put my words together like that.
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I read this before and reading it a second time.. the passions and feelings in this piece are tremendously strong!
This time
for the sentimental tunes of lovers heartbeat's
lull in sweet rhythm of teenagers rapturing kiss
Oh what the teenagers do not yet know as they start experimenting with the realm of love!
Awesome write
You write the best poems
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Ah yes! Enchanting and lovely are perfect descriptions for this poem.
Such a beautiful piece with great imagery and word usage.
great poem, thanx for sharing it with us!
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enchanting write! Good luck in the contest
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this is really good
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Frozen laments I promise melt in summertime
This seemed to be the turnin point of the poem.. showing .... all the cold and bitterness gone with a lover's passion. Loved this write!
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This is a very emotional poem. i love it. Your choice of words is amazing. thank you for entering my contest. Best of luck to you.
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No more darkness, heightens in lover’s passion
Kiss me, breathe me, and quaff my intoxication
In this ambience of mystic moonlight’s affection
Let us dance as if we were each other’s possession
This time, a lifetime of sublime sensations
Soar with me above the clouds fading in gray
Stand besides me now and embrace me always
Of your love's admiration, I'll absorb your ray
Like a monster rendered of all his regretful shames
Filter through me the joy of a love bursting aflame
what a beautiful poem...quite gorgeous indeed!!
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