an alien with real heartache
sleepwalks
into
the dozy currents
of depression
the sky the river
like a girl, watching drizzle
on branches
black like a forest
roots;
stone serpents
they are darkly pursuing
all those tiny soulful
sprigs of
lightning
as Lost Green believes
in the glisten of her eyes
her wounds
bright rings that blink
again
for help
Author notes
Mmm I was listening to Imogen Heap, just thinking about the book i'm reading "Cat's Eye" (Margaret Atwood) and connecting my life with how the character is feeling right now.
Shes just...struggling I guess, nothing she does is right with anyone and she sort've drifts off, and shes stuck in this hole.
She faints to get away from things and wishes she could be free and dig wholes and be ragged and happy.
& I'm fighting for this escape but Im stuck because I dont know what I really want. I love but I feel so cloudy oh god who knows what im talking about. This is it anyway.
xoox
In a list
A contest entry
- through the blue door by Cat.
700 points, ended December 12, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
we are surrounded
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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"an alien with real heartache" I love how you inserted "real" before heartache... it's effective.
"the dozy currents
of depression
the sky the river
like a girl, watching drizzle
on branches"
that blew me away
"bright rings that blink
again
for help "
you really really impress me with everything you write...!!! never stop, promise?
♥
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I'll never stop as long as you keep writing and I keep getting inspired by youuuu you rock!
Crash, where have you been lately? I've missed you tons!!
<3<3<3 -
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in a lull I can't emerge from -or so it seems. :\
don't know what's wrong with me lately..
but I'm trying to come back!
reading you definitely will help :]
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Another winner
This is another great poem from you! I don't know why everyone else says that the alien part wasn't needed because for me that's an integral part of the poem. It's also the beginning, and flows into the next part perfectly.
The opening is a little cryptic- who is the alien? What are they so heartbroken about? My guess is that they are a person that cannot sleep, and so their sleepwalking is leading them to depression due to lack of rest.
I like 7-9... some poets would just talk about the river currents, but you take it a step further and make it seem as if all of nature is watching this one person. Having read Cat's Eye myself, I think this is a beautiful interpretation (probably not best word) of that book. Just awesome. -
i think i agree with normans comment in that the alien part didnt fit, the imagery is brilliant however through the rest of the poem, good job.
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i don't like the alien bit, it kind of confuses the rest of the poem, not the whole bit, just that one word, i think the way you describe the rest of the poem, especially the line
like a girl, watching drizzle
on branches
is just brilliant... -
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Thank you so much! ^-^
xo
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her wounds
bright rings that blink
again
for help
such images honeyhoney<33
i understand what you mean though, not knowing what you want.
an alien with real heartache
sleepwalks
into
the dozy currents
of depression
this whole thing was stunning, i especially like "dozy currents". its a beautiful combination of words.
i love how you explain your work and what it means to you.
i hope you feel better soon, feel free to message me or w.e any time<33
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Thank you =]. Yeah dozy currents was my fave too =P.
Yeah searching is...I don't know I feel it keeps me going, just looky looky here and there and I find things that give me ideas and fit and come together and the whole world is like a giant bouquet <3. Ha.
Luvyou
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wow this is
fantastic :]
i love the imagery, especially the part "the sky the river like a girl, watching drizzle on branches". i can kind of relate to this... anyways, excellent poem.
Cassidy
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Thank you! Your comment is awesome, thats my favorite bit too, i thought it was simple with lots of expression and blue in it. ^-^ peace.
o.xo
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i can tell the voice
is of someone who is currently reading
atwood (one of my favorites)-
the poem is laid nicely on the page- and says what it needs to say- i agree with nic.. nix the author notes
m -
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Haha Atwood Rocks! ♥ sometimes I feel her characters & stories understand me better than anyone ever could, so I get inspired by her often. I love finding bits of myself reflected in her books. ^-^
Thanks for liking this, and my layout, such sweet things you said, absolutely great contest!! ♥nice!
xoxo
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I'm helping Mary with the judging - therefore this comment.
I could feel the blueness and the depth of it in this poem - and therefore I think you don't need the author's comments. Depression is indeed a deep blue pit or door. I think this poem has potential - thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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Thanks for your comment on this, im happy you see how deep the sadness is rooted. =D Insightful!
<3
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i really do like that you explain what you've written and what inspired you
anyways i love this part forr shurE!:
"an alien with real heartache
sleepwalks
into
the dozy currents
of depression"
the way you describe a depression as a sleep walk and the word cozy.. its definatly something i havent seen before and love to see.
&
"as Lost Green believes
in the glisten of her eyes"
the arrangement of these words and the image that i got were spectacular i just love it to pieces.
beautiful write my dear
♥
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thanks so much! <3<3 you are the sweetiest.
Your favorite parts were my favorite parts too =], i'm happy you read something new here, I love readind new things! =DD yaay for beautiful. You are awesome and beautiful too!!
oxoo<3
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