head splits,
and sides explodes,
how much more can this kettle hold
of diseased infection,
of pain and lust
head sits low on a fatal thrust
shattered feelings
lost in space,
heart still beating
now slows the pace.
breaking,broken
spirit gone
smile shattered
pain can't begone
shed the history,
tried but failed
my stubborn past,
just won't be veiled
with my head now splitting
and my sides explode
this this kettle now,full,and cannot hold.
i cant take myself any more
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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not bad nick do i even want to ask what this is a bout though???get back to me when you can x
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god this is an old one hun, been a long time since i wrote anything
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whats this about hun?
very interesting piece - are you ok?
be happy =]]]
xox -
woah, hard core emotions.
ok, so they are spelling mistakes, and grammar errors, but when you have a poem that needs to be written, those are the last things are on your mind. Even more so if its filled with emotion.
I'm not completely sure whats happened here hun, but all i can say is i hope all is ok, and this is a harsh but wonderful piece, love it.
Sky xxx
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does it matter what my verdict is
fuck anyone who says this poem isnt goo dhunny-poetry isn't about ryhthm or fucking syntax-whatever the hell that is-its about a pure expression of feeling its a realease-we both know that and anyone who comments on poems should-emotions arent always clear or concsice or even understandable to other people all that matters is that its what you wanted to write-i hope your ok darlin you know i love you more than anythin nick please take care and call me if you need me-and before you ask im not drunk lol
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I think you should yes, watch your spelling and unnecessary repetition as "in spirit gone" and then in "begone". However, there are many other points in this poem worth reading and going over. Maybe you might want to print it, take it along with you in a pocket and trim it with a pen in a couple of days.
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Ah, I can see why you do not care if anyone reads it. You have numerous spelling errors. Your syntax is less than coherent. What you have is a fine list of lines with little to tie them together; most of it does not make sense.
The language in your teaser is less than civilized. I clicked on to see if it was as bad as advertised; I was not disappointed. You may want to try a different approach.
Overall, this needs an overhaul. -
Raw...
Raw emotion and powerfull. This poem is well crafted by the hand of a skilled poet. Well done!!
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