faded dreams
hopeful schemes
lives thrown away
wishful thinking
the innocence left behind
the tears cried
the girls used
the abused
the countless depression so many are in
anything and everything lost and gone
its sucking us in
are we going to fall fighting or fall as cowards?
A contest entry
- What's Within a Black Hole? by aslanlight.
600 points, ended December 30, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything that can help me make it better
Comments
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Who says we're going to 'fall' at all? lol
This is a clever usage of the Black Hole as a metaphor for the emotions and though they could have taken the reader's mind off the subject you kept the focus by saying 'its sucking us in' and highlighted the line by leaving it alone, reminding us that Black Holes are solitary masses drawing everything in.
I find the word 'along' in line 5 to be distracting and unecessary. I appreciate the uplifting of the tone in the last line.
Peace Georgia
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This write gives me chills. You ask some really important questions about the way things are now.
Profound take on this prompt.
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awesome poem, i like it alot. its very captivating.
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How lovely a piece... difficult achieve, I feel when writing about something like a "black hole', but you did it and did it well.. Best wishes in this contest!!!!!!
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