Fluttering by, a single leaf -
Caught in an updraft
As if dancing
Only for me.
I have to stop.
To watch
This spontaneous show
And catch the breath
That has been so effortlessly taken from my lungs,
By a beauty so fleeting,
Untouchable yet ever lasting...
[Nothing short of a lifetime
Captured within those short seconds.]
The wind dies down
And ends the serenade -
But before the leaf settles
A final flourish,
An encore and a bow
All in one.
And it's done.
Transfixed I linger
Just a little longer...
But nothing can bring back that...magic
- Not today anyway
And somehow I am moving
In a few moments
I am gone from its sight...
But it is not gone
From my mind.
Author notes
Umm...a leaf transfixed me for around 5 or 6 seconds this morning...it was beautiful (if you appreciate that kind of thing). If you don't appreciate it...well it's just a poem about a leaf.
A contest entry
- A Moment in Time (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
590 points, ended December 31, 2007, 39 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - On Tuesdays It Rains Lemons by sleepingINblackRain.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite quickie contest by Kari.
425 points, ended January 18, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - . by Aurora Ceres.
575 points, ended January 18, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything 20 entries, prewrites excepted by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended January 28, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ SET the BAR ~ Anything Goes~ Possible of 5750 points handed out! by Florida Sunshine.
950 points, ended February 24, 2008, 182 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - immeasurable. by girl shaman.
1150 points, ended February 24, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Really a good poem ...
but it would be much stronger if you removed this:
- Not today anyway
And somehow I am moving
In a few moments
I am gone from its sight...
But it is not gone
From my mind.
It would actually be perfect, and you should take the first part of this and send it with those others. Put a period after magic.
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Like a butterfly or a wonderous bird thank you for the moment in time
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very well written. and apparently the judges of all of those contests you have entered this already in agree with me. great job and thanks for entering.
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wow.
Beuaitful entry. -
Well, congrats ...
on all those trophies. This is an excellent job for sure. What is that? Seven trophies? Hmmmmmm ....
Good show.
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Lol thanks, only 2 real trophies though
Take care x
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Great imagery in this.
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I enjoyed this. Only advice would be to play around with tightening the line breaks. Thank you for entering. :f
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oh that was really beautiful...
its like someone was whispering in my ear...
wow! i am really impressed with this; and i really do not have any suggestions! thank you so much for entering
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Clearly you can see why this write ~ has already been awarded ~ enough people don't take time to smell the roses ~ to watch the breeze fluttering within the tree tops ~ I've always tried to take a day to just suck in the beauty that surrounds us. Your poem is imagery is outstanding ~ you carry the reader ~ I enjoyed it ~
Thanks for entering the "Set the Bar" contest ~ I really appreciate you sharing your work with me ~ good luck to you!
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x
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Love the beauty in simple things and you have captured the moment so well...lovely imagery and metaphor...very creative and well written...
Thank you for entering! -
Simplistic, Beautiful. Simplicity is something to be appreciated. Because it holds the most beauty of all.
This is an amazing write. And it's more than just a poem about a leaf haha....although it really is a poem about a leaf. It's still beautiful
Thanks for entering.
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Thank you very much for your comment, the "and it's more..." part made me laugh hehe ^^ I know what you mean.
Thanks for the applause take care x
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This was a very good poem. I enjoyed this poem very much. You captured this brief moment in time perfectly.
Your words just rolled off the page as you painted a very vivid image. I liked the lines,
"The wind dies down
And ends the serenade -
But before the leaf settles
A final flourish,
An encore and a bow
All in one.
And it's done."
Well done.
This is a very good entry.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck. -
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Thank you for the comment on my work, I appreciate it
Good luck with your contest x
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What else can be said...A beautifully captured moment in time...and a pure joy to have experienced! Bravo!!
Wyattxxx
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Aww thank you as always for your wonderful comment and applause ^^ x
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Encore! Encore! Encore!
The wind dies down
And ends the serenade -
But before the leaf settles
A final flourish,
An encore and a bow
All in one.
And it's done.
Transfixed I linger
Just a little longer...
But nothing can bring back that...magic
- Not today anyway
"Transfixed" is just the perfect word to describe just a few seconds of nature's glory. You just have a remarkable gift for luring the reader into a transfixed state. You gave us a momentary glance at a leaf, dancing about. I got such a clear visual of this leaf, twirling within the confines of a passing updraft. I love to listen to the melody of a wind's serenade. You have brought back the magic through your poetry. Don
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Aww thank you very much for the comment and applause, as always it means a lot coming from you I am glad that you enjoy my poetry so. Take care! x
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stunning
love your thomasine x
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Thank you dear lol
x i love you x
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I had to sample a bit your work after happening upon one your comments left on one of Bella’s contest pages and, I am glad that I did. Simple verse filled with parse beauty is how I would describe this heart’s labor. I find your writing style to be really quite exceptional young sir. Furthermore, I’ll be adding you…to my favorites list.
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I will return the favour when I have the time...too much work at the moment I'm afraid x
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Thank you very much for your kind words and your applause x take care x
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Yes
I DO appreciate the small wonders of this world.
The last 60 seconds of a pale sleepy morning moon from the night shift, retiring for the day, slipping behind the mountains.
Tiny bubbles trailing up within a baby bottle due to the baby's smile...
..and a happy leaf pirouetting across the sidewalk.
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I do love your little description, it's wonderful. Thanks for your comment and applause x
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(By the way, I've also seen this dancing leaf theme in the form of a Haiku)
Paul
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You already know all that I feel about this through msn. You've got the chat lg so you know
all that's left is the twenty million six hundred fifty six thousand four hundred and seventy seven applauses.
Let's start with three
Never ♥
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Only 26,650,477?! That's a bit...pathetic isn't it
From what you said it sounds like this one isn't really deserving of those three ecstatic little chappies lol
Thanks x
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20,656,477 * go learn your numbers again
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Haha whoops
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ecstatic clappies? definitly not. These clappies are just about as sane as me.
Note: that may not be a goo thing
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I understand this... in the falltime, there's so much beauty all around, especially in the front yard, right under the trees. Just standing there watching nature... time seems to stop. You captured that entire feeling of fixating on something so perfect for such a small amount of time in this poem. Wonderful.
PS- it is NOT slightly boring.
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Aww thank you very much...I am glad that it isn't boring lol. I don't understand why if people don't like it...they just don't comment. Oh well. Thanks for the applause! x
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not bad..slightly boring though..better results if loquaciousness diminished.
kind regards
absinthe
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