glare and shadows
on cutout cordate leaved path
as caterpillar eaten
echoing someone's hunger
with potential piano
keys of pivotal grabs
with changed directions
reflecting birds wings that can help
not all hidden in one green
Author notes
if you're reading the author notes then you know I don't want good luck
emoticons and the applause are not what I'd like put in the comment box
A contest entry
- What Do You See Now ? (Round 2) by just mercedes.
500 points, ended December 14, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
lightness of sky in earth
Comments
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Ooh, I knew this was worthy, girl
dear also called [you're a poet 'also called' this poem],
the simplicity in this is greatly sweet. yet, it also portrays clear images that are balanced, not stretched or skinny and it interacts with poetry. i would call this brevity, i guess.
"glare and shadows" shows the opposites in the picture in a nice wake-up way to the thought of how can there be two in one lol. the next line could be a brief preview, although it seems those don't work anymore... well, then if you were only given one line to write in, i'd say do this one. it just so intensely presses against the photo with those lines like driveways by the little bugs taking the time to pave! that is so children-like and obviously cute.
verse that ends five finger counts gave me a laugh connecting the explanation of the "echo," and that enables me to like it. i also guess i look silly quoting so many things, but can't help it: "pivotal grabs" opens a picture in my mind like sticking your index out and saying, 'I want that exactly and will get it!'
it became really interesting in your last line representing scattering of the birds and reflection of your somewhat hollow stomach... mmm,hmm, very nice parallel!
will you keep writing in this manner in some of your writes??? *likes this style*
not to forget, the gold is not a surprise --congrats!
splishsplashpencil
p.s. yes i read the an but didn't read the author notes ha-ha. -
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I'll take the the cheer but gender trend of it can get fantatical
SplishSplashPencil sounds oddly immersed in the ink well lol
thank you for amusement in describingly going over how fitting my write was... "not stretched or skinny" and we can check the springiness of our thoughts.
I'm pleased an excerpt would bring such expression "presses against the photo with those lines like driveways by the little bugs taking the time to pave! that is so children-like and obviously cute." yet it may retro as well as intro, consider the crawler in the folling words. So, 'previews may not work' but I'm more space conscious now on my page to give a scan of titles as on bookshelf at that point. This then gives an extra spotlight of trouble or delight in what I called it, for selection by that alone as a real lead and without clutter of rest of exposure pressed in collection.
beautiful fully plopping down with this piece you did at : "verse that ends five finger counts gave me a laugh connecting the explanation of the "echo,"" as it's remarkable you creatively steered us to the referred section and it coincided with a deeper handling of the instrument structured within at that point. So, no "i also guess i look silly quoting so" as my go would not be for a run but on not away.
Quietly, averages of "pivotal grabs" could come up as momentums by what's pinning and hanging so not just our attitude but what fully could be apprehended perhaps -- like an athletic rhythm has understanding to not get sprained, not just ideas.
you justified intensity of a nuance of mine if I can give later "reflection of your somewhat hollow stomach" and that is a hoped satisfaction when the poem begins rotating its frame ~
Regarding approach displayed here instead of splayingly completed, I think I tapped it from a distance before it got a p.s. personal. I could watch for more of those stops sometimes.
Appreciate the one more things about what I authored.
I'm afraid this is getting dangerously long; document might get lost even if sent ah,
also called
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a great take on the prompt, instant, direct and unquestioned. and a bit freaky, you're on to the next one already. how did you do that? particularly liked /cutout cordate/ and /reflecting birds wings/ and I'm glad you felt the different greens.
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