Habit

Darkness surrounds me,
Engulfing me,
Drowing me,
Becoming my weakness.

My eyes can't focus,
And I can't escape this feeling,
This worry, regret,
And lonliness.

Where did this emotion come from?
How did it get here?
I'm anything but alone,
Here in my head.

Even in reality,
I'm surrounded by others,
Everyday, there's no escape,
Only in sleep.

But now,
Even that's impossible,
My dreams always scared me,
But no to this extent.

Sleeping seems an effort,
As does getting up,
I lie and think,
Why do I bother?

There's no real reason to sleep,
No real reason to wake,
A never ending circle,
That taunts me.

How can I be so tired,
Yet be so awake?
Even pain,
Doesn't affect me anymore.

New scars replace the old,
Blood stains on my sheets,
Skin coloured plasters,
And as false smile.

How can I carry on.
When the one who loves,
Hates false people,
How can he love me?

I thought he knew who I was,
But obviously, he doesn't,
A new fear enters my mind,
Forgotten-ness.

Will I be left and forgotten,
Because of the person I am,
Because I cannot change,
Or it is habit that hurts?