He lies in wait with doleful eyes
The illness will soon cause demise
He ponders this idea with dread
As gloom comes with the phrase 'soon dead'
He moves so slightly in his bed
And hangs his head and cries
The torrent of visitors long ceased
Their leaving looks said,"Rest in peace"
So little left that he can do
In his fevered head, the thoughts so few
Once grasped, a thought, away it flew
He only thinks of simple pleas
The pain is something he does hate
This is just his horrid fate
But as each long dreary day drags by
As in his bed he sadly lies
As with each breath, painfully sighs
By silent death he ends the wait
Author notes
this is in the A,A,B,B,B,A format, basically self-explanatory. I'm reading through some older poems of mine, and realized I don't really like this one, but I have to leave something to show the improvement! Plus, when I started here, I was very inept at authors notes. Thanks for reading!
A contest entry
- Just Give Me Something To Read by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended January 18, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is a sad and touching write. You did a nice job with this, and the flow is really good. Keep on writing! Blessinsg, Patty
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This was a real touching write, and it spoke of a reality that is a part of life. One of my driving forces in life is that fact that when I lay there one day I want to be able to look back and say I gave it everything I got, and accomplished everything I could have.
I read through this a couple times, and through I kind of found that by the time I came to the last line in each stanza, it was so far from the first couple of lines that it did not connect that well. That said, I think you did a solid job within the format, the flow and rhyming seemed pretty good.
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A very, sad and real poem about that fate of so many of our forgotton elders. It didn't read quiote fluently for me but still gave off an emotional image.
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