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Stone Blue

 

 

 

sometimes

you just can’t change    -fix broken

   -words gather at rivers running

    from me to you

   intersecting at lovers lane

 

when your love

is gone

who will save me

from myself

backed up against a wall

in stone blue feelings

 

i keep a picture

in my mind         of us

dropping into simplicity

flying so high we can’t find

a place to land

 

cities spit fire       and ash

constant reminder of

the space     between

bent   -unbroken

 

as sadness sits in windowsills

the world is burning to the ground 

fanned by wild winds     

and i wonder

-will it rain today

 

tie-died encores and blue jeans

insanity creeps slowly 

hiding    looking for you

in another space   between

fading ink

 

i sleep behind " us"

drawing my name in burnt ashes

trying to find my color

south of white noises

in migrating thoughts

 

 

            while looking

 

                for a place to land ~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: through the blue door

In a list

A contest entry

Bombs Away!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • B Chandler
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    under cosideration. dont remove your entry just yet


  • B Chandler
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    UNDER CONSIDERATION. Please leave your entry in the contest


  • Cat
    December 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    will it rain today..

    such a good question set with careful hands in the middle of the poem
    I like this piece and it's deeply contemplative quality of reflection- although
    i couldnt make "fix broken" work for me in my read?

    very nicely done- i see you are experimenting again.. i love that about your poetry

    m


  • Nicolette gold member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm helping Mary with the judging and I'm happy that I got to read this poem.

    There is a gentle intensity to this poem and I must say the blue background adds to the floating-drifting feeling one gets from this poem. You've done very well to create a state of "being up there"... wanting to come back to earth.. "a place to land". Some wonderful lines in this poem and I really liked where you took the contest theme - well done.

    ~ Nicolette


  • BurmaShave
    December 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo!


  • Hetha gold member
    December 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    With a gentle and peaceful voice, your metaphor speaks clearly and uniquely. I liked how you concluded your piece. Quite original. Nicely done.

  • piccola silver member
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the last two lines. "while searching for a place to land" I really like the title too. Nice job and thank you for sharing with the group.


  • Cherokee
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Personally, I quite enjoyed the lack of punctuation and I agree that punctuation is way over rated. It's true, it does read like "freewriting". Wasn't that the point? lol Anyway, I like this poem and the background is a great compliment but even without it, the poem would have been cool.

  • Rowan gold member
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sigh...
    "sometimes

    you just can’t change fix broken"

    no sometimes, you can't
    but it sure looks pretty
    in blue.


  • Hyper Music
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    so first thing i have to mention is that the lack of punctuation its bothering. i feel like it reads as a freewriting, without any regard to the flow. it makes it difficult for me to capture the true sense of the poem. that being said, there are some beautiful lines in this. i especially liked the 3rd and 4th stanzas, as well as the ending. the wording is lovely, and the ending is very powerful. your metaphor works very well. i think you have an excellent way with works and i really enjoyed your ideas. i personally think it would be even better with punctuation...to at least highlight the particular pharses, but i understand if the lack of punctuation was intentional. just my two cents nicely done.


    • zochit2me gold member
      December 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your in depth comment I greatly appreciate it.

      I personally think punctuation is way over rated and believe you can achieve the same thing with out all of the distracting . , by simply adding line breaks.

      Again thank you for your comment

      Becky


  • rollingzen
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    original


  • just mercedes gold member
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, how you ran with that prompt! This is awesome, flows and hitches, as intimate and disjointed as thoughts, I loved /trying to find my color/ and the whole flight thing, so much a part of the color blue.
    /dropping into simplicity/ is lovely.

  • Suzanne Dia
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply


    Got me speechless with this one.



1 - 14 of 14