A snowy field lay before an ever aging sun.
Laying next to the soul, who left history undone.
She never had her last words, her parting kiss of love.
All that there was left, was a grave, a crow, a dove.
The everlasting picture of the grave, the crow, and dove...
The grave was saddly shallow, do to winter's frozen shell.
Laid beside a crumbling church that did not have a bell.
No warning was declared for the sudden depature.
Too soon was the leaving, no time to grow, mature.
Oh how the days of time leave everything unsure...
And Crow, oh Crow, does watch thee, from his dwelling from above,
he finds a higher flight then that of the shy young dove!
He flies to find his perch, renewed in joy of pain,
reminding the stricken mourners, of the deafening roar whose slain.
A metal beast that hurtled by the frozen fields of grain.
The mourners then call out, to the fallen bleeding dove,
"Where art thou now my dearest! From where thou fallest from above!"
The story ended short, for the frost bound dieing Love.
Her unfinished memories hanging, in the frozen air above.
Oh how her memory hangs around the mourners of the dove!
Reddening the winter ground, with blood and blossoming rose
The body lieing underneath, the winding wistful snows.
Author notes
this is option 1 for the contest, and i am unsure of what inspired me to right this, i suppose it was for what the contest was for, if I find out if there was something inside me that makes this poem more personnal, I'll let you know, infact, this might be for my great grandmother, though I'm unsure
A contest entry
- From within the darkness comes... by ilovemyex.
400 points, ended December 20, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No place to put it..... by Menace.
2250 points, ended December 11, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pick your favorite prewrite by Loveandblessings2u.
600 points, ended December 10, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Leave out all of the Rest by MYsecondchance.
375 points, ended October 18, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
hm...well, what do think really, an honest opinion of what you think of the poem and what you think it means.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i really enjoyed this poem
thanx for entering -
Well done! I loved the imagery and the flow in this piece. Great work and good luck to you in the contest!
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Well done
In my mind I could see the images you have painted with this write, and that's what it's all about, to share with the reader your views, your perspective on life or whatever. You bring the darkness to life and you've impressed me again with your style of writing.
http://allpoetry.com/spideracer
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wow!!! i am speechless. this piece blew me away. this was phenomenal....i loved it and you do remind me of poe. you really do. but i loved the piece and it kept me interested right to the very end of it. great job!!!
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First I would like to ask you to please not 5 star my comment or comment me back in anyway at this time. I am trying hard not to find out who anyone is.
I love the way you told your story, it unfolds in parts. The dove ( as you call it ) dying young, before her life in many way begun. Some powerful parts in this write. Great job and the flow is perfect, it pulls the reader in for more.
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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I'm gonna give it straight.....
You have a unique style of bringing a lot of imagery to rhyming which is good. It is not one of my favorite styles. The storyline is beautiful, but you do have a couple errors. Departure is misspelled, but that was prolly a slip. I don't think you needed to restate in the last line of the first stansa. The effectiveness was clear enough. Also, the fourth stansa you used dove to end 3 lines. I think you could be a little more creative. This is an excellent entry. I would just like to see you perfect it. -
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thank you
I appreciate you telling it to me straight, it means alot, and I'll take your advice and polish this poem up. and yes, the departure was a slip lol, i didn't even notice i mispelled it ty.
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This was excellant!!! The way it was written kinda reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe. Which should be a great compliment coming from me because Edgar Allen Poe is a King in my opinion. Lol. But the rhyming and flow of this poem was wonderful. Great write!!!
Megan -
Hey there!
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Great is really the only word I have to describe it. And deep, I can tell you felt it.
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o.0 hath Shakespeare himself possessed thou? you write great poetry like a normal person breathes! i'm jealous. C: i can't exactly pinpoint what i love about this poem, i guess the language, multiple meanings, etc....*jealous* C;
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*tear *
I really liked it.you started out strong I really liked the begening and you kept it going throught the whole poem.
"The mourners then call out, to the fallen bleeding dove,
"Where art thou now my dearest! From where thou fallest from above!"
The story ended short, for the frost bound dieing dove.
Her unfinished memories hanging, in the frozen air above.
Oh how her memory hangs around the mourners of the dove!"
This part would have to be my favorite it speaks to me the most.
All in all I really liked it and i felt what you were writing despite the fact that you didnt know what you wrote it for exactly.
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