The people walk
down, and rot from
Palindrome saturation-
begging the sky for mana and nosebleeds.
Rain drops in a retching mouth
Never evaporate-
But it
Drowns men and
Causes color to blend with
Blisters; Gods
Pray for rain.
Skins of Adam
Stretched and bloated
Found in ditches with
Names chewed off,
(Prophet with
his head chopped off)
These men are soldiers.
These men are thick from war,
And mercury cures the sickness
That rots their teeth.
(Pin it to their shirts,
And slide the bones out slowly,
"Won't need them when they're dead, I reckon'")
Won't need lungs to breathe,
Cutting into blue for lesser red,
Swollen tires fill their minds with hope,
But
Decomposing minerals only lie in
Soft spots of spoiled fruit.
And when the blood loss
Ate away at the gravel,
Making the ground jungle-dark,
They couldn't separate
The sinews of
Their jaws from the
floodgates,
Or the rain.
Author notes
[she was a witch]
But he had a gun.
Bam.
Biblical allusions, because we all know God is an American and supports everything we do.
Part of the imagery is thanks to Silko, and her beautiful book Ceremony. I haven't finished it yet, but I will.
And the title makes sense to me, damnit.
Flatline
Very much a woman.
Danielle
17
Idk.
I hope to gain friends, and hopefully five thousand big ones. (Jk. Points don't matta. It's the LOVE)
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round One by Tangled Angle.
525 points, ended January 1, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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272
[out of 10]
originality: 10
creativity: 10
Catchy Title: 5
Transitions: 7
[out of 15]
Line-breaking: 13
(Balance of) ideas: 15
Length: 15
[out of 20]
Structure/Coherency: 18
Interesting opening: 18
Effective ending: 20
Universal Theme: 20
Flow: 16
Focus: 20
Passion/Emotion: 16
[out of 25]
Message: 20
Initial impact: 25
Final impact: 24
[out of 300]
TOTAL: 272
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Hello,
Congratulations, you have made the first cut. I will be making a second cut. In order for you to have a chance at making it past the next cut is to apply for this group. Please look for the information that is required for you to give me, so that you can join; don’t worry, it is only two things: username and gender. This will help me organize making cuts better. Thank you.
Again, congratulations, and good luck.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/Teen%20Idol%207?stay=1
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I love the imagery here. It really helps get your message across effectively. Lots of truth in this, I love it. This is easily one of the best ones so far. Well done.
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by conviction of strength and spirit alone, I applaud you... Bravo bravonbrahhhhhhhhhh!
I love the message, I actually played with it for quite a while, re-writing your thoughts over and over myself and then.... delete, it's not mine though I wish it was... I savoured it immensely.
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