I feel it down deep
In my throat...
A faint staccato,
Like the wind in a small boy's hair...
My heart expands as
A dewdrop beading up
On a blood-red rose...
My lips go from dusty blush
To a pale, pale
Hazel...
They part slowly,
Then faster,
Quicker still...
As if they were
The fragile jaws of
The Venus Fly trap,
Welcoming a fly...
Then I exhale,
A liquid noise coming with the
Jewel-embedded air..
A laugh.
Author notes
I had to stare at this picture for a long time- but eventually, after hearing my little brother laugh- it came. This picture was a picture of a laugh.That's it, simply a laugh.
Hope you like it,
A contestant
A contest entry
- What Do You See Now ? (Round 2) by just mercedes.
500 points, ended December 14, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the love of god CONFUSE ME by h202.
450 points, ended February 10, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please critique- I can take truthful comments...
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
omg this is rllyyyy good. I love the description of something so subtle that everyone really takes for granted. Great job!! I havn't read one of ur poems in a while and to read something this great really was refreshing. Thanks for sharing it!!
"stay golden"
gabi
-
very very nice write here. i do like poems about simple topics, such as a laugh. you can try to say grand things about the state of the world in a poem, but many of the best poems i've ever read are about simple things like this. this isn't terribly complex or full of devices or brilliance, but i still like it. you paint some good metaphors and express things pretty well, though "blood-red rose" i have to point out is horribly cliche. anyway thanks for entering this.
-
I really like your word choice!
-
this is beautifully written with strong imagery and metaphors. it is well deserving of the silver. well done
-
Well deserving trophy
great job, thanks for sharing.
ephiphany♥
-
Wow that was an excellent piece! I loved the way that you described the laugh so clearly I could see it all unfolding as if I was there watching it. Your words amazed me, and I loved the flow! Great job! Thanks for sharing.
Lauren
P.S. Congrats on the trophy it was well deserved!
-
I thought this was really cute. I really liked it. congradulations on your silver trophy an dbest ofl uck in the other contest!!! keep up your amazing work!!!
You really have some talent. love it!
Crimson -
A great response to the prompt, and a wonderfully written poem. Your comparisons are very apt and very descriptive, I particularly liked /the fragile jaws of the Venus Fly Trap/ and /the jewel-embedded air/. Thank you for this wonderful entry, and for sharing the laugh with us all.
-
great job... your descriptions are beautiful. blood red rose... and just a really good peom.
-
-
POEM. got it... I do that alot. sorry.
-
-
This has GREAT imagery! You describe a laugh so well, and I personally find it hard to describe sounds, especially in such detail. Laughter makes a great poem!
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
