i wonder to this day,
did i deserve it
did you plan it,
did you want it?
if you did,
then your sick.
you took a young girls innocence
plunged her into darkness.
you set her up
for hard decisions
many lies and baggy clothes.
you did what i never thought
you took my trust
of every guy,
of every man
and crushed it with one act.
you almost killed her
for it was you she blamed
you tore her apart
you scarred her for life
the day she gave your daughter up.
you kill her a little each day
each day, every night
she remembers you,
remembers her daughter
the one you created greedily.
you tear her heart
when she thinks of all she
could have had,
but now will never know
how to really love again.
you kill her everyday
she doesn't have her daughter
for in spite
of what you did
she still loves her
with everything she is.
your slowly killing me
Author notes
this is rape
i still cant seem to fully get ovrer this. they told me that time heals a broken heart, but why am i still waiting?
A contest entry
- Strictly Babies by Mrs LadyEnthralling.
700 points, ended December 16, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: Even More Memories! Tell Me About Your Past Tragedies! by Barry Hodges.
400 points, ended January 15, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire me! by reinhardt-napoleon.
300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want Gore, Erotica, Laughter, Love, Anything Great by So Strange.
720 points, ended May 16, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sweetie, This Is What Broken Looks Like. by Heartbeatsxfading.
600 points, ended May 20, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what is your opinion of this?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
There's a lot of pain rollling through this one and undertandably so. I think you did well expressing your feelings in this piece. A good effort and good luck to you.
-
Such hardcore and difficult questions in the beginning. This sets off the poem in a good way to help the reader ponder throughout the write.
"if it did
then your sick." your = you're
I love the suddenness to this. "if so, THEN YOU ARE SICK". Straight to the point.
"many lies and baggy clothes"
Good and simple description which explains A LOT.
"the one you created greedily" This is powerful. "greedily" was used perfectly with the description of how/what it is. You know?
This is so emotional and so heartbreaking.
I can assume this is true by your author notes, and all I can really say is, I am here for you to support you. Keep writing, esp. if it helps you release those pent up emotions.
Thanks for entering A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
-
What an interesting recollection!
-
I like the anger in the tone of the poem. But it needs a lot of work and heavy revision. I would start with the grammar first (there is a word spelled wrong in the title) and go from there.
-
this destroyed my already tortured emotions its so sad artist thanks for entering
-
I personally didn't enjoy this... It was a bit too pitiful and cliche for my taste.... Though the emotion is there... it's just not passionate.
TYPOS:
"plungrd her into darkness."
"for inspite"
BTW: Y-O-U-'-R-E means YOU ARE, Y-O-U-R means YOUR.
-
I have to say, I was a little confused by this one... I wasn't sure whether you were describing a rape, a broken heart, or a miscarriage/adoption/abortion. If you could, perhaps, either tell me which it is, or put a note in your author's notes [if you're comfortable doing so], it would e much appreciated. Good luck in the contest!
-
dont give up.i like a song by a band called Disciple.you may not like them.but anyways it says the scars remain,reminds the pain.sometimes we cant get rid of the scars of the past but we just got to keep on life.and also God can help take the sorrow away.poems like these make me think.keep up the good work and remember to never give up.
-
beautifully written...you had mournful expression. you are not the only one. i know too.
-
i know the feeling...I love this girl so much but she keeps taking my love for granted and she keeps hurting me.I want let go with all of my strength but my heart just wont let up...
Great poem.I loved the flow and the emotion that came with it.It seemed to wash down the page as I read...Great job!!!Applause!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
