There she lay; her red stained hands
drapped mercilessly over his coiled spine
cold eyes, still open, with vagant stare
those breathless bodies slowly bleed-out
onto speckled grey, stone-clad flooring
She; beautiful, some say too beautiful
the perfect daughter, wife and mother
that little secret, to sordid to discuss
hidden by the years, guilt && pretty bribes
why the girl was mother at fifteen
He; the child and the younger brother
lay alongside his cold dead father
she; spralled over her daddy, oh so dear
now cut in two [face sliced ear from ear]
he who gave her a son and sibling
She had to keep her thoughts to herself
how looking at her own son, made her sick
how daddy took away her innocence, then
he smiled and kissed mummy on the cheak
she loathed them both, with all her heart
So now all three, stain the stone scarlet
her pistol dropped, but sharpened knife in hand
she ended lives of father and of son
then turned the gun to her own head
because her secret;; could never be shed.
(Now all she's remembered for is murder,
the beast who killed her own son,
and a much-loved father)
Author notes
Option 1:: Abuse/rape
A contest entry
- dark poems by speakno3vil.
308 points, ended December 9, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insanity, psychotic, imaginative, creative. by BigE.
300 points, ended January 10, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options. (for lack of a better title) by Puking Faerie Dust.
900 points, ended December 29, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, dark, and even darker by Luciferschild.
600 points, ended February 24, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
//opinions are opinions//
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this poem is very emotional and definitely has a lot of potential, the only thing i would suggest is to revise some of the stanzas
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OMG that was so good.
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I didn't really see how this related to the abuse/rape option, because from what I got from it, it was about a mother killing her child and husband. Well, not that i think about it, it does- it's just the killing overpowers the abuse
This was a great write, though, the flow was lovely and the imagery was one of the best. I liked some of the wording, and it was definitely interesting (in a good way)
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
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Its not about a wife killing her son and husband. Its about a mother killing her son, that was fathered by her own father...who abused her in her teens; as the son is a constant reminder of her abuse, which drove her mad. She then killed her own father, for the same reason. Give it a read again and hopefully your see the story, thanks for the comment. x
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Ahhh, I see now!
Please excuse my ignorance
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i love it! Very nicely done
shocked me...
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A twisted poem indeed. I liked the imagery you've used in the poem and the outro was fantastic. You've a warped mind, and that's the kind of things I am looking for. Great poem overall.
Depth: 8
Flow: 8
Literary Device: 8
Comprehension: 9
Total: 8.25 -
excellent.
i love how you were able toinclude all the raw emotion.
this is an amazing piece.
i got chills just reading it.
excuse me while i add you to my favourites.
-chantel
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ewwww i said make me sick and i think you did very good poem, see how you did in thr contest soon. encest i find very disgusting, you must have known.
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