Dear Someone

Dear anyone...
So I turned 17 today, finally 17. Great dinner, lovely boyfriend that makes me feel so special, but I guess everybody was too busy talking to notice me...
I wish I could write everything at once.
I'm feeling down again, real down. I don't know if I want to get up. It is amazing, and I know I'm not alone in this feeling, but it is amazing how in a room packed full of people, I really do feel alone...


god knows if your even ready all of this.
I like to think someone is.
As if someone notices.


I'm really, very, sick of acting like everything is perfect, because I really don't have a choice. But, everything awful just beakes my heart. I can't look at the news without making my eyes teary anymore. But I still get out of bed every morning at 5:50am to wish you a good day at work, your the one that makes me feel on top of the world , beautiful, sometimes your the only one. You always make me feel beautiful and amazing and absolutely gorgeous.


I can't understand why though. Everything went to planned tonight. Dinner was wonderful, and everything was good. But not great. That's ok, I have my birthday party with all my friends tomorrow. Getting smashed.

Sorry I wasn't made the way you wan, sorry If I'm too weak, I don't want to be, I just can't do it, I didn't choose this body, I didn't choose what this body can and can't do.



Stop making me feel low. I am too high for you.


STOP FOLLOWING ME AND STOP STALKING ME, AND GRABBING ME.


why do I keep getting myself into these situations? In this year I have been nearly raped 4 times, 4 different people, they never get caught. I bet it's because I'm not overly beautiful. They must think I dont mind. I do, I do fucking mind.









what am I guilty of to keep doing this, why do I feel the need to explain everything...