Sitting here holding my tears
of sadness - although I try to smile
knowing these days that pass
in the end will all be worthwhile
The sudden feeling of perpetual backtracking
not only my possessions, but my soul I am packing
In my being I carry this inner frustration
Lucky to have anything at all - could be a much worse situation
Envisioning this struggle bringing me nothing but joy
The days change my ways in an everlasting ploy
I must follow through with my lord's plan set for me
To get where I am going I must let all else be
Sick and tired of feeling like a disgrace
trying to finish school and move far away from this damn place
everything in my life put on halt simply for an education
I think right now my soul could use some intense medication
I know what it takes to reach my goals
never once questioning stories I'm told
I must let my own biography unfold
for in my life - the secret keys I hold
Fears of never getting to that complete satisfaction
sidetracked by all these mindless little distractions
when really each one took place for it's very own reason
in all reality I should not care at all who I am pleasing
I may seem stuck for now
in what seems like yesterday's vomit
repetition with no reward
I'm not sure what to call it
Time is what it takes to move that one step forward
Moving back when I'd much rather be scooting toward
working through these simple days feeling as if I'm falling
Plant a smile on my face when inside my heart is balling
Knowing all along that this is what is meant to be
building strength off what pieces are left of me
Never once taking any moment for granted
putting one foot first each and every time I landed
There is only one who knows my troubles
and he watches me as if for entertainment
that sensation of just knowing these are signs
as he follows my life during it's rearrangement
Sent to me for a little reassurance
that I have not strayed away from my given path
Although I dream of so much more
I must honor the life I have
Therefore I bare the sudden sensation of my own saddened heart
even though I didn't ask for this feeling
I must find a way to overcome this guilt
My own pride I feel as if I am stealing
Strength is the only fault I will not lose
and it's solely up to me to chose
to take this moment and turn it around
see only the good things that can be found
Which I have done time and time again
and must continue until my life comes to and end
unfortunately certain emotions will try and bring you down
Never giving in to the demons that surround
Making it all work out for the best
letting the big guy up stairs take care of the rest
getting these thoughts right off my chest
now is time to bring my spirit to the test
So here I am ready for your given word
although they don't make a sound
somehow in my heart they are heard
Telling me not to worry, life plays it's own sweet games
and the magnitude of end results will taste of all my days
for the pain is greeted with pleasure in the spiral of monotony
knowing who I am - and who I know I do not want to be
I lay my trust in all invisible forces
now left dependent on the most important sources
each instant makes every bit of difference
nothing changes in this particular instance
So here I am, an actress in your movie
pick a role you think will surely suit me
play me as a pawn on your rusty old chess board
I'm here for you to do as you please, my trusting Lord
Never once asking for nothing but forgiveness
you've granted me that much within your holy goodness
So who's to say that there's not more in store for me
Believe within powers unknown and sacrifice what comes as "free"
As I finish rambling on in my own little novel
I just want you to understand one thing crystal clear
Horrifying as anything may feel or seem
I am learning life's lessons head on with no fear.
Author notes
Last year my the tranny went in my car, and I bought a crummier one, right now I am moving from a 4 bedroom into a 2 bedroom and feel like I am moving backwards instead of progressing. These are some of my thoughts at the current moment..........
i realized you were particular about length, but I hoping you can make an acception at least to read it. Thank you/
A contest entry
- I want genious, abstract, something deep. by BigE.
300 points, ended December 6, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HELP ME by andie11.
300 points, ended December 13, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Sometimes your values draw you away from actuality. Trusting god or fate to make you become is naive. It seems like you are becoming the master of your own fate but are afraid to take responsibility, Fuck fate and god. Not literally. That's impossible. Just like your blame. Get it?
Good and heart felt poem. I think you felt this one. -
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I was only commenting on this one, not the rest or your writing. As you said, I'm unfamiliar with it. I don't think it's fair, or that there's any point in blaming some universal force for everything wrong. Mostly it seems we define our own reality. It's neat like that. Or can be.
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awwww
You don't think it's "fair"??
I'm not asking God to save me and bring me to heaven when I die. Hell, I don't go to church and the whole concept of God confuses me. But that universal force that I do BLAME for every right turn I take while driving, every time I tuck my kids in, and deciding weather or not to go to the store right now or not , TO ME are ALL set for me ~ I just follow through. Today's events will effect and alter my life in 10 years from now weather for the better or for the worst. But if today really sucks, why get all pissed off and angry and irritated. Shake it off ~ it was supposed to happen (who knows why) and I have to just DEAL with it. Not a sense of God's security, more of a sense of self - assurance that if I die tomorrow, (not that GOD will save me ) but that it will BE AL RIGHT>
Sounds like a personal theory from hell huh? You dont; have to love it, I don't even care if you LIKE IT, but when you thought about it ~ for even a second did any of my words make you think twice about anything??
We DO define our own reality ~ as well as our own dreams. How else would we still make it day by day?
I appreciate you reading one of the ones I listed on here. By the way ~ you asked for me to aggravate the shit out of you by even commenting on my poems to begin with!! LOL
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Maybe I should have used the word sensible.
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Sensible to whom? The reader or just in general?
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Wow ~ I had a feeling just by seeing that you read this that you may not have anything nice to say....lol - I was wrong.
As for my rebuttal......lol
My values are sucking me INTO reality. Naive is believing that every day of your life does not add up to something more. Something grand. Either bad or good. Honestly - I don't think of god as a religious person would. I trust that there is SOME force out there greater than any of us. As far as taking responsibility for my life and actions, writing these poems is me admitting to all the shit gone wrong and that needs to be fixed and done, and knowing that even though today may have not gone well, there is always tomorrow - and life WILL go on. And until my life ends, I will bust my ass working at my future. Get it?? lol
I'm glad that you actually liked it....
By saying you think I felt this "ONE" ~ confuses me, whereas you are not familiar with my poetry at all.
I would like to send you a couple links to some recent free-writes of mine. It is up to you to read them or even critically comment on them again... lol
Maybe you will be able to get a better idea of my entire thought process. I hope.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3680864
This will give you alot to say, but I ask you kindly to just think about the words I say and how different an aspect it really is. You don't have to like it or even accept it, just contemplate it.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3669903
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3600608
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3707638
None of these were written for contests, these all came from my mind through my fingertips with no prompts.
ENJOY~
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I felt like I was reading the same stanza over and over again. For a LONG TIME. At the very least, shorten it up.
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I am saddened that you were not able to understand the meaning and depth of the poem that I was trying to reach with it, without it being repetitious. Thank you for your comment - I appreciate your reading this!
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thanks
i enjoyed reading this, but found it hard in places -
this is really powerful. you need to be careful not to change the timing all the time. i found some places awkward to read because the amount of syllables changed in a few stanza's. i like the rhyming words you chose.
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I wasn't even going to read it until you asked me to make an exception. I thought it was a good poem, showed good use of conflict/resolution. A solid poem, showed the inner strength that we must hold to overcome hardships. Thank you for entering, and I will not DQ you.
Steven -
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I appreciate it ~ and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I hope your contest ended well!
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This is awesome Sis Excellent Piece of work
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