walkerswood pried open her heart with stained rum caps,
while she slept in a bed of poison, cuddled pain
like it alone was hope;
and when she cry-whispered "why walker... why?"
he answered with stale whisky breath
"coz woman you killed mai dreams
blud ripped, stabbed chance pon stake
with pickney
maim dacta- scawl dead, loose soul
an all woman coz i thought i loved you..."
he waited, rekindled the words with a brown bottle
then-
uncurled her hands clumsily pleading 'round his knee
staggered past the creeking crib
fell before he reached the door.
Author notes
the english for the patois words seriously dilutes the meaning and feel of the poem
but here it is:
pickney- child (she was pregnant)
Dacta- Doctor
scawl dead- (I might be better off dead)
In a list
A contest entry
- Bottled Beliefs - three hour contest by CarolDesjarlais.
600 points, ended December 6, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Often I check out the comments on a poem, to see who else is rating it. In your case I see Lane and Pamela, two poets I respect greatly. I am not surprised. Nor am I surprised that you had to make a space on your shelf for a yellow vase!
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Ohhhh I absolutely agree with Pamela...truly amazing, you know what I think about your work...you bring a new meaning to the word *poetry* always new and refreshing to read. I'm always astounded by your word choice, and the contents of your beautiful poems. Well done on the gold my dear friend. Another stunning piece of work.
Shaz xx
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This is simply amazing poetry and to get a gold from Carol is not an easy task. What a wonderful piece of literary delight. Superb! I am so pleased to have found your poetry. ~Pamela 
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Wow. This is only the second one I've read by you and you're already becoming one of my favorites. I love this. If you haven't been published yet, look into it. There are a lot of literary magazines that I'm sure would love your stuff.
Your voice is very distinct and your imagery is fantastic. -
truly amazing! the language, the imagery...i am excited to be reading you, Poet. Love, Lane
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I knew a Rastafarian so the language was no problem. I found the poem vital and filled with energy. It has the lilt of your homeland and was thoroughly enjoyable. Very well done!
WolfHeart
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this is a beautiful piece
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I see you attained another Gold A J.
It is of no surprise to me, I know real talent when I see it.
And you are a talent beyond compare.
the words you use from the richness of your upbringing, and your culture.
Delve deep into the pain of things that truly do come from your heart.
I see your life, and the things you do see.
And experience and dwell upon.
Even if they are painful, as the school of your true learning in life, to make you one day a great writer.Never put down your quill.
It is your calling.
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This is such a very well written piece. A tremendous pain composed beneath the lines. Such a beautifully sad piece of emotion woven into light. You are truly a gifted writer, remember that.
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I love this.
I'm compiling the AP book and I would like to include this poem. Let me know.
Elizabeth
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You write the most amazing stuff. It is so real and always, ALWAYS, stunning character portraits... Congrats on the GOLD!!! Well deserved...
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This is a beautiful poem... so much emotion in it...
I could see it and feel it when I read your poem.
A well deserved G O L D !!!! Well done.
What did I tell you? You have talent!
Keep up the great work!
Anna.
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Such an awesome write...congratas on the gold....Rich
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what a tale....how beautifully full of culture and time.... I am awed.
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Ouch.
Painful read, this one.
Reminds me of someone who when things were bad drank too much and just seemed to drown it it (life - not the drink)
great entry
good luck in the contest
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Oh dear poet,a new favourite of yours here for me,such emotion and almost like a Shakespearian tragedy,the author notes were prudent for the reader to fully appreciate the poem and a delight to learn from.
The first three lines alone caught my breath with the depth and caused ache for the poor girl and her plight.Well done!
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