Mists of velvet, heavenly white,
sanctuary bathed in soothing fragrance,
sheltered behind window glass,
domain to hide exotic beauty.
Desert passion storms below
satin skin of chocolate hue.
Oleander flame spills along,
heat from summer breath.
Cerulean stare, symbol of grace,
tender embrace by flirting currents
soaring high among whirling power
caressed by her ivory hair.
Entangled in her silken curls
becomelost in ambrosia pools,
bodies shifting in a trible dance,
following the rhythm of her heart.
Kiss of thunder, touch of lightning
electric surges pulse in frenzy,
gift from fury of the sky,
shamaness from Egyptian sands.
A contest entry
- X is for X-STASY OF X-MEN....Adults only on Way to Z by Blue Rew.
1260 points, ended December 11, 2007, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Indeed you are touching the depth of the heart and revealing the music of love in every word of this heart warming write..The melody of love and the instinct of the loveful heart are dancing together bringing the joy of eternal flow..I love this piece. Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful piece..well done...
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Amazingly beautiful imagery....
This write is a classic example of the way that erotica should be written!
I find the sensual nature of this write combined with such amazing imagery and nature an absolute delight to read...
Thank you so much for sharing...
Peace and many blessings...
Best wishes with this entry..
~A~
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I really like the power displayed in this piece...
the shifting elements each with their own charms.
I did stumble several times while reading it through
and then again. You have mispelled Cerulean, but that is not what caused the halt in flow for me. 2nd stanza: "Desert passion storms below
the skin of chocolate hue.
Oleander flame spills along,
liquid that ignites desire"
'the' before skin should be an adjective.
'liquid that ignites desire' does not end this stanza well. For some reason, the word choice here does not flow with the lines above as they do in your other stanzas. Even though this is free-verse, I found a soft alliteration going on but missing from this stanza and I narrow it to this last line.
4th stanza: "you are lost in ambrosia pools"
Where the use of 'you' again slows the flow of the verse. I feel this pronoun is out of place. Maybe
something more to the effect of: "become lost in ambrosia pools"
Ending line: "storm shamaness from Egypt sands"
Storm is not necessary and in my opinion detracts.
Egypt should read Egyptian when pertaining to
the sands.
Hope these observations of mine prove helpful as they are intended to be. Always, I hope to convey my impressions with an overall encouragement.
This verse grabs the reader in and really gives a vivid portrait. No need to use the word storm...it
becomes redundant as it is the titling and very evident from the descriptions given. Blue -
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I am glad that you enjoyed it! The poem is product during literature class at 7:30 am, so I made some ridiculous phrases, but that is no excuse. Must pick up the pace and get back in the game.
Thank you for your honest review and pointing out the problems. I am going to start editing it right away.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
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