I am feeling this feeling
in reds, yellows, oranges
the sky, cloudy for days at a time
I am sensing the change
but Mother tells me
the trees are not dying
just sleeping for a while
After autumn plays Gustav
waiting for winter to pass
keep running
‘til I am warm again
clothes come off
and I go swimming in summer
I am alive
in the seasons
from Indian summer
until the white man waits in winter
when the colors change and the air grows thin
alive in the transitions; I am ever-learning but never whole
but the leaves are falling slowly, and the trees rest their weary heads
only until spring reawakens them
in reds, yellows, oranges
the sky, cloudy for days at a time
I am sensing the change
but Mother tells me
the trees are not dying
just sleeping for a while
After autumn plays Gustav
waiting for winter to pass
keep running
‘til I am warm again
clothes come off
and I go swimming in summer
I am alive
in the seasons
from Indian summer
until the white man waits in winter
when the colors change and the air grows thin
alive in the transitions; I am ever-learning but never whole
but the leaves are falling slowly, and the trees rest their weary heads
only until spring reawakens them
Author notes
Theme: the seasons and their impact on my life.
'POY'
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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from Indian summer
until the white man waits in winter
when the colors change and the air grows thin
Love these lines.
Very well written.
John
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I like this poem. I really enjoy poetry that has to do with nature. i wish i could write like that thought. Mine always come out too plain. Good job.
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NICE
Very well stated and really strong.

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beautiful
I thought this to be a beautiful poem. Your thoughts and imagery are very well said. The only slight problem I have with it, is the last stanza. It looks, reads, and flows differently from the rest of it. If you were trying to make a shape, maybe do it throughout the entire peice. Over all, though, I loved it! -
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Thank you for the response! I love feedback. To reply, I must say that the last stanza was intended to stand apart from the rest of the poem because it is the answer to the questions above, and a reason for the actions I described (i.e. "are the trees dying?" and "I go swimming in summer")
Hope this makes things a bit more clear. again, thanks for the comment. Cheers.
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This is a very pretty poem. My only critical is personal preferance and nothing you have done wrong. I would love to see this left aligned with proper line breaks and such. The imagery was amazing.
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Thank you for the comment. I found it intersting that you wanted to see this left aligned. The shape of the poem itself, in my opinion, gives the poem a bit of its uniqueness. Maybe I'll play around and see if it works. Thanks for the suggestion. Cheers.
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I liked this poem, have no idea what the rules were that you broke but for me, keep on breaking them, if it produces lyrical work like this. I like the white man waiting in winter, in fact all the personification used.

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I am so very pleased that you liked this. As you have witnessed, I haven't received the most encouraging feedback until now. I am glad you could relate and appreciate the use of personification. I'm hoping everyone gets the 'Gustav' reference, as well. best of luck and thank you.
Cheers.
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Well i dont know what rule you broke, but i thought this was great, just flowed beautifully, and even with teh dramatic seasonal imagery it felt universal
lovely

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Thank you kindly for the feedback. I am sad that this didn't fair well in the contest in which I entered. Personally, I am very fond of this work, and I am glad you liked it and could relate. Thanks for the encouragement. Cheers.
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No
Even putting the rules aside I don't think this would fair well enough on my scoreboard to give a yes. It's very close...there's some wonderful imagery and I enjoyed the read, just a few things I look for in the PO contest poems that could use a bit of polishing up in this, IMO. I would have enjoyed giving this a proper critique, but per the rules of this round I can't do so.
I'm on my way to your other entry and looking forward to seeing it. 
Best wishes,
~J. -
No
See rules. -
No ~
Rules are very strict here in the PO' contests ~
I do wish you had taken more time with this entry ~
Good luck with your other write,
Bear ~
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No~
Nice poem, but double-check the rules!
Better luck with your 2nd entry -
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I am confused as to what rule I have broken here. This is a prewrite, less than 40 lines, and submitted with my new poem. Please let me know.
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A very nicely written piece of poetry. Thank you for entering the contest.
Sam
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