I am feeling this feeling
in reds, yellows, oranges
the sky, cloudy for days at a time
I am sensing the change
but Mother tells me
the trees are not dying
just sleeping for a while
After autumn plays Gustav
waiting for winter to pass
keep running
‘til I am warm again
clothes come off
and I go swimming in summer
I am alive
in the seasons
from Indian summer
until the white man waits in winter
when the colors change and the air grows thin
alive in the transitions; I am ever-learning but never whole
but the leaves are falling slowly, and the trees rest their weary heads
only until spring reawakens them
Author notes
Theme: the seasons and their impact on my life.
'POY'
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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from Indian summer
until the white man waits in winter
when the colors change and the air grows thin
Love these lines.
Very well written.
John
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I like this poem. I really enjoy poetry that has to do with nature. i wish i could write like that thought. Mine always come out too plain. Good job.
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NICE
Very well stated and really strong.
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beautiful
I thought this to be a beautiful poem. Your thoughts and imagery are very well said. The only slight problem I have with it, is the last stanza. It looks, reads, and flows differently from the rest of it. If you were trying to make a shape, maybe do it throughout the entire peice. Over all, though, I loved it! -
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Thank you for the response! I love feedback. To reply, I must say that the last stanza was intended to stand apart from the rest of the poem because it is the answer to the questions above, and a reason for the actions I described (i.e. "are the trees dying?" and "I go swimming in summer")
Hope this makes things a bit more clear. again, thanks for the comment. Cheers.
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This is a very pretty poem. My only critical is personal preferance and nothing you have done wrong. I would love to see this left aligned with proper line breaks and such. The imagery was amazing.
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Thank you for the comment. I found it intersting that you wanted to see this left aligned. The shape of the poem itself, in my opinion, gives the poem a bit of its uniqueness. Maybe I'll play around and see if it works. Thanks for the suggestion. Cheers.
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I liked this poem, have no idea what the rules were that you broke but for me, keep on breaking them, if it produces lyrical work like this. I like the white man waiting in winter, in fact all the personification used.
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I am so very pleased that you liked this. As you have witnessed, I haven't received the most encouraging feedback until now. I am glad you could relate and appreciate the use of personification. I'm hoping everyone gets the 'Gustav' reference, as well. best of luck and thank you.
Cheers.
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Well i dont know what rule you broke, but i thought this was great, just flowed beautifully, and even with teh dramatic seasonal imagery it felt universal
lovely
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Thank you kindly for the feedback. I am sad that this didn't fair well in the contest in which I entered. Personally, I am very fond of this work, and I am glad you liked it and could relate. Thanks for the encouragement. Cheers.
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No
Even putting the rules aside I don't think this would fair well enough on my scoreboard to give a yes. It's very close...there's some wonderful imagery and I enjoyed the read, just a few things I look for in the PO contest poems that could use a bit of polishing up in this, IMO. I would have enjoyed giving this a proper critique, but per the rules of this round I can't do so.
I'm on my way to your other entry and looking forward to seeing it. 
Best wishes,
~J. -
No
See rules. -
No ~
Rules are very strict here in the PO' contests ~
I do wish you had taken more time with this entry ~
Good luck with your other write,
Bear ~
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No~
Nice poem, but double-check the rules!
Better luck with your 2nd entry -
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I am confused as to what rule I have broken here. This is a prewrite, less than 40 lines, and submitted with my new poem. Please let me know.
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A very nicely written piece of poetry. Thank you for entering the contest.
Sam
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