`
i.
Memoirs entombed in
the basement of my heart
barging reality
against dreams
ii.
At the cellar
beside aging wines
and musty fumes
I mold myself,
realize and blend
with silence
iii.
With a single
20 kilowatt bulb
I share the moment
of light, hope
and love lost
`
Author notes
Written December 4, 2007
A contest entry
- What is your heart? by tara wilson.
1000 points, ended December 26, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Beautiful. I think many of us can really feel you here. We've been there. I loved this part:
I mold myself,
realize and blend
with silence
The emotion is so well portrayed by the silent darkness of the cellar imagery. Well penned!
-
A little dull for you. The wording is spot on but the emotions and connection from you to this piece seem a little distance and the message isn't written as beautiful as it could be.
'I mold myself,
realize and blend
with silence'
Sad yet catchy and reflective.
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honestly - I would take out 'broad' in the title,
and just make it:
wishing for a star to fall in daylight - to me that is more powerful and catchy
Up to you, though
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I really like this one....very creative metaphor expanded nicely, great imagery,..the ending vignette made me really feel that light come on, hope and then back into darkness again...this will be a finalist for sure..thanks so much for entering my contest..
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I love the title of this poem - it makes the reader sit there and say "yes"....and the metaphor of a cellar is just wonderful. Lovely play on words here and some fine touches of alliteration too. Yes, a single light can be a star in the deep dark hours.
~ Nicolette
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