A loss of breath
A flutter of the heart
A weakness in the knees
Only known in a story
Reaching out to hold her
So close yet so far
Choking on my owns words
Afraid to let them flow
Slipping through my fingers
Like the sands through time
Blowing out of my life
As the west winds blow
But the feeling still remains
Of a love that will never be
Like a pinprick through the heart
Just the smallest hole that never stops hemorrhaging
A contest entry
- Almost Perfect by Kaleidoscopeyes.
800 points, ended December 14, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From December 2007 by amaranthine lover.
800 points, ended January 11, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2007 - everything under 25 lines by leander.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Gutted
I love this one. I like the sharp, bitter and sweetness of it. It speaks to me from a man that really needs this woman. He's hateful of not having her, and there's a void within him. The last verse of this is my favorite.
-
Hmm... There's some good imagery in this poem that's written in an overall simple way. And that's why I think the word 'hemorrhaging' in the last line doesn't really fit with this...
But that's just my personal opinion.
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
I like the unusualness of the imagery in this piece that goes with an otherwise rather cliché idea, you did well in manipulating the reader to think so, thanks for entering
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