Had you in the palm of my hand
but chose to cut you loose.
I broke your heart.
Reasons that felt right
at the time
now fall under relentless and unforgiving
scrutiny of hindsight
First time we met
was mesmerized by your Amazon splendor,
your honest, open gaze,
eyes the bluest of blue,
a drawl that oozed from your lips
and reached into my core.
I was smitten and bitten,
but torn.
Your love of diving,
your love of life,
your love for me,
mudslides and margaritas,
love on the beach.
You opened your secret, sacred heart for me,
shared snippets few have seen
Destin will always remind me of you,
a week where time stood still.
Rampant and insatiable desires.
I remember dancing at some beach bar,
holding you with a resolve to never let you go.
Our hotel only 10 minutes away,
still too far,
two sex-crazed contortionists
in a frenzy
fed on each other
in the front seat of the car
like the love gluttons we were.
Now years and miles later
my thoughts drift to Dallas,
would’ve, could’ve, should’ve,
how I despise those terms.
Steeped in disconsolate
and terminal regret
for
one that slipped away.
Copyright © Henri Ferguson 2003
Author notes
Being back in familiar territory triggers memories of what was, and perhaps might have been; that, an exercise in futility, but still. I plan to leave this side with as few regrets as possible; this would certainly be one of them.
Written October 27th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Just returning to your older verses ...
and this is still such a stunning write.
Did you ever pondered my advice, of five years ago?
Please write some love poems, again!
Blessed be, Henry.
Myra
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Well... with words like; "oozed", "bitten", "smitten", "insatiable", "sex-crazed", "love gluttons"... I think there were definately some public displays of affection running rampent :-) Making out in cars always makes me feel young again.
This is full of lust and yet done in a tasteful way.
Nice,
~ Wendy
"Destin will always remind me of you," "destiny" i think :-)
Edited on Mar 27, 9:54 p.m. because 'oops'. -
excellent write
We make our choices and we have to live with them. I regret a lot of my decisions in my life. This is excellently penned my friend. I loved it -
Timeless
Oh...thank you. You make me want to hold on to what I have with everything that is left in me. I almost forgot what it is to be in love, and I hope I never have to mend the pieces and start over again. Thank you for these words. I find comfort in them, they bring me back to the reasons I love him so much. If I ever begin to forget them, I will refer back to this poem...who knows, I may even write another comment and say thank you again!!
Beautifully done. You created a connection today...and I appreciate it immensely.
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Gasp. This poem is not just sweet and heartwarming but sad, sensual and longing. Sounds like you really miss her. Go chase her. Go find her. I'm from Dallas, it's not that big!
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The funny thing about memory lane is the view tends to be a bit narrow. We remember what we choose to remember, the beauty, the love, the longing, and forget there were solid reasons why it didn't last. The reasons sometimes seem silly down the road a bit, but at the time...at that place, or season in one's life, it just couldn't be. Why do we torment ourselves so? I don't know, I do it too, more often than I should. I suppose it's all part of what makes us human. This is so beautifully written, Henry, it makes ME miss her, and want her back.
I really enjoy your writing and the way you take something simple and universal and weave it into a thing of true beauty and art, with nothing more than words. Amazing. ~Tilly
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a very sad write...speaking from the other side, I often wonder why men do this..let her slip away so easily and do they ever have regrets...but I think now you've answered that query for me. An excellent write, and a glimpse into the thoughts and memories of a man... thank you for sharing
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Love the brevity of phrasing and the simultaneous rich imagery of your words here, with the emotions piled high, a nostalgic ice-cream sundae with all the toppings, sliding precariously into that dangerous 'would've, could've, should've' place, where time also can stand still or even go backwards. Loved the 'smitten and bitten', even if you never explain why you were torn, right from the get-go. 'Mudslides and marguaritas, love on the beach' - heady, hedonistic memories, evidently, and some delicious imagary. The one that slipped away? yet you say you cut her loose, so many dichotomies here, but the poem is a keeper. enthralling, thank you for sharing, as always.Sheona
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Ahhhh. You know, this reminds me of the tune written by the song team 'Heart' I think it was "I Just Want To Make Love To You". which is eXACTLy what they did.It had its twists and turns for a one night fulfillment which, though never resolved, thwarted an unpredictable but assailed occurance.
That place is an actual one, you know. "Land of Coulda'-Woulda'-Shoulda'". It's where....you're NOT! lol. I'm not being trite nor completely directive to you. I .giggles just happened to have written one with that content and essence.
Thank you for this wonderful poem. .So well done!! Merci, monsieur!
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There is nothing more horrible than coming to a place in life where you know that for a moment you had "the one" and for some reason, let it slip away. And once it is completely gone, there can be no turning back. It is so important to recognize that life is way too short...and few consequences can be as harsh as losing that someone that you know you were meant to be with forever...
sad...
UB
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"mudslides and margaritas"
good poem. i enjoyed it. i like how you mention different places...cities, countries....whatever. i like to do that in mine sometimes too. and background of your author page is cool. its the smokey mountains, i'm guessing. my mom grew up around there, and i have a coffee mug with that same image on it. but, i digress. great write. keep it up.
aaron -
Reminds me of a few weeks spent on Long Island that I have not been able to write about as yet.
Memories are funny things... we never know what will trigger them, or how the recall is going to affect us, as we journey in our minds to the past. Sigh... -
Beautifully introspective.
Red -
"It's not the burdens of everyday that drive men mad. It is the regret of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves that rob us of today." Author Unknown
Angsty expression, one in which I relate well. Though we try to avoid them, I believe there will always be a certain measure of regret. Call them life's painful lessons, if we pay attention then we are more apt to not make them again. I believe you know and understand this. Thanks for sharing Henri, moving work my friend.
Brian -
wow (tears).Very emotional that's what's good about it.
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Dripping with regret and a sadness , but reflection and a resurgence of memory can evoke these feelings in us...
You have captured it all in this Henri...the tenderness...the passion...the moments...and all be they past , the depth of emotion as you describe can often remain though we choose to bury it...or make efforts to set it aside because circumstances dictate that we ought to...
Enjoyed...
~ sonia ~
Edited on Nov 01, 6:30 p.m. because ''. -
That hindsight gets me everytime too! I could kick myself for some of the stupid decisions I made in the past. but then, I really don't know if it was a real mistake because I don't know what would have come of it .. I believe there are many in this world that we can love and that can love us, I don't think there is just that one special one. Oh, its nice to think that, but my gawd, what if mine is in New Guinea?? I would never find him!! And we are always so much richer because of those that have entered and left our lives, I imagine you are much like I am in that we try to keep a piece of them with us, perhaps our fondest memory, or just the color of their eyes. Something that touched us, and has made us stronger or better or wiser or one of those -er things. I like to remember the good things about the men in my life, and there are many good things to remember. Thank you for being my 'trigger', and no regrets, your decision was right at the time.
~ becky
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Sad poem filled with regret! Everything happens for a reason. Reasons to end this relationship that seemed right at the time were probably right at the time. Regretting anything is such a waste of precious time! Treasure the memory but, please, no regrets!
<3 Maureen
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Sounds like almost a dream, the perfect person, romantic setting, all the fire of a new love, and all the passion that contains. I thoroughly believe in intuition, and that "draw" we feel toward certain people. But I have always found that when I felt there was a reason to end it...it was the right thing to do. But there are those moments, when locale, or a song, or even a hint of cologne can take me back to before. Do you ever think to look her up? Did you have friends in common? Perhaps you are being drawn to more than just a look back. I did read your comments, so perhaps I am just being the romantic. But then again........
Loved the wistfulness, the feel of "before"
Well done, Henri...as always
Maddie
Edited on Oct 28, 1:32 p.m. because ''. -
Well Henri, first let me say that this is beautiful and I appreciate your honesty and candor. you know, there was one I used to wonder about, wonder how things may have been if I'd chosen to stay with him. But I also realize that things happen for a reason - is that destiny or Karma, who knows. Had I chose path A, I would never have met my husband on path B and I cannot imagine sharing my life with anyone else.
Sorry for rambling... just trying to let you know I understand your sentinment. Your words are lovely Henri and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them. Take care, Helen -
Good Morning Henri!
It is 06:19 here in South Africa; I am enjoying the freshness and the mountain murmering like a massive molten memory ... and then I clicked on your poem and ...
strange ...
I cannot remember any "one that slipped away ..."
Perhaps I was blinded.
Piercing, honest poem ... almost delirious. Hunting you down, 'em memories? Poor Poet ...
Perhaps you must walk back on your tracks ...
Have a wonderful journey!
Myra
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OH Henri....this was lovely. And don't even tell me it doesnt play like a song. I suppose this is why we have... moments of regret, so that we can be poetically inspired. Unfortunately.. a twinge of pain always accompanies...
Really beautiful write my friend.. I loved it!
My very best to you.. as this warm Fall evening fades to black...
Mary Ann -
Wow...Henri...I am speechless sitting here thinking about similar scenarios....this is so breathtakingly regretful.
Wonderful...
Sarah
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