Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
heart to heart
we will never
be apart.
Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
soul to soul
we will always
be equal.
You said that
you would be
my ashes.
You said that
you would be
my dust.
You said that
you would be
my heart.
You said that
you would be
my soul.
You said that
we would never
depart each others arms.
Now I am crying
Asshes to ashes
dust to dust
heat to heart
soul to soul
now we will depart.
A contest entry
- IF only she knew by The Black Raven.
300 points, ended December 11, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - lust & love by whiterabbit..
375 points, ended January 6, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A love that was never real but the pain after was by MysteriousMoonlight.
875 points, ended December 29, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Crimson Carnage of Lethal Lust by DayDreamMuse.
1560 points, ended January 28, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ SET the BAR ~ Anything Goes~ Possible of 5750 points handed out! by Florida Sunshine.
950 points, ended February 24, 2008, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Everything you've Got by CrystalJet.
600 points, ended March 14, 2008, 318 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like the first beginning, I'm going to send you to the next round because I think you have some beautiful parts of this and I really think that if asked to write a different style you could do amazing things.
title 3/5
relation to prompt 6/8 prompt is ashes?
spelling\grammar 3/5 *asshes is ashes
personal oppinion 11/20
rythmn 8/12
imagery 11/20
emotion 6/10
Diction 5/10
Originality 5/10
Thanks for entering!
WritingFree
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The beginning:
"Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
heart to heart
we will never
be apart.
Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
soul to soul
we will always
be equal."
and the ending:
"Asshes to ashes <<< *** spelling Ashes... LOL
dust to dust
heat to heart
soul to soul
now we will depart"
is poetically beautifully said ~ it really brings a tear to the eye ~ of losing someone you love ~
The middle might want to try to keep the same meter and format as the beginning and the end ~ or completely change it all together ~
Thanks so much for entering the "Set the bar" contest ~ I do appreciate you sharing your work with me ~ Best of luck to you!
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The poem has its merits and I like the repetitive structure. It gives a chant like quality and it definitely builds emotion and yes I can feel the sadness, but well I don't feel the lust. It would seem that the poem is a bit off theme for me.
~DD~ -
This is reeally good but kinda sad.it's got a good choice of words and phrases!good luck in the contest!
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thanks i wrote for a woman i once loved but she tore my heart out so i used it to inspire me
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i like this. it's cute but sad
thanks for entering
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