Lets chase memories
With forgotten dreams and
Empty smiles.
Lets loose faith
Loose touch of one another.
Point the fingers elsewhere
Love,
I fought to save your heart,
I pushed and you never pushed back.
I swore my heart and last breath
To make you happy.
Doll, could you not see???
I live for your acceptance.
I breath to look into those eyes.
Have you forgotten?
You sway away from what we had,
Did i misjudge your love.
Did i forget to be cautious?
Did i let my gaurd down too soon?
Was I, I dare not speak it,
Fooled. Once more?
I'll lay my heart to rest.
Piece by piece.
Ill bury the past.
Maybe this time.
I'll remember to forget.
Author notes
Option 5
A contest entry
- Boys & Options (Ages 17 to 22) by Angel Full Of Hurt.
920 points, ended December 13, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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welp your writing always amazes me, it still to this day brings a little tear to my eye, very deep.
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Wow, that was really good....simple but powerful. Some absolutly wonderful lines;
Lets lose faith
Lose touch of one another......
I breath to look into those eyes......
and then of course, the ending
Maybe this time
I'll remember to forget......
(u really have to edit the spelling and punctuation, I know it doesnt always seem to matter because its the words that count, but it really effects the way it is read by others, and you really owe it to your work, because it is very, very good)
Excellent write!! :-)
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2 things:
Lets loose faith= Let's lose faith.
I breath to look into those eyes= I breathe to look into those eyes.
Other than those spelling errors, this was good.. I like the concept, but at the same time I hate it because it's never really good to be stuck in a situation like that.
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very nice poem. simple, yet hits home very well. a nice, striking beginning is explained in the middle and finally, a verdict. i like the way you called her "love" and "doll" in a casual way but then showed the reader exactly what's going on. the simple language fits a poem about something as common yet powerful as this. the last 5 lines are all individual sentences, punching the ultimate verdict home with finality. overall it's an intense, personal poem, resonates well with anyone who's ever been in that situation. i can't think of any way to improve it, good job!
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wow... this is really amazing. I love the piece. It really kinda hits home, but I also really hope its random and not about anything personal... cuz if it is... then I'm sorry. I really just... I don't know... but anyway, Lovely piece of work. I wish I could express myself so well.
Kris
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