These Broken Windows,
j a g g e d and
sharp,
Slashing lines through icy air as
the breeze moves in, cold against my bare wrists.
And my fingers cant move.
Between watery rainbows,
splintering liquid prisms in this
d
o
w
n
p
o
u
r of life,
show me what it means to be
You.
This rope
winding,
wounding,
catching and envious,
wont keep me from sinking to the floor.
The chiar falls,
and the rain continues to
s h a t t e r
against this Broken Window.
A contest entry
- PIF Prompt (RESERVE) Quickie by uu11.
450 points, ended December 9, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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nice
nice nice I really like it a lot...a little war's in there...tsk tsk but still really nice
thanks 4 entering imanski!!
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shuuuuuuuuuup hahaha well at least you LIKE this one =P haha
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great form
The form of your poem is absolutely fabulous.
Its so sad though, the premise.
The subtle suicidal hints are very well done,
the only one i have a problem with is line 5.
Probably could be reworded?
It seems a little awkward,
but the rest of the poem distracts from that small line.
Excellent work
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Thank you so much! i thought that entire stanza was retarded, hahaha but thank you so much ... ill see what i can do about line five =D
And Im glad you picked up on the suicidal thing, only ... i hate sad poems, so i dunno, its the promt, the host of the contest is utterly whiny XD haha dont tell him XD
JOIN THE CONTEST, it should be fun =D
Thanks so much again! <3 !
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