Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Conflict Blood

Bullets kill like cancer,
lives taken away in terrible vain,

what kind of living conditions are these,

are they what our standers say is Humane?

 

They kill and steal for these conflict diamonds, 

when will we stop what they have done,

but we spend so much money on their war,

so now nobody will have won.

 

Blood they spill nevermore,

I need to help but I'm just too sore,

mabey "we" could stop the war,

Blood shall be spilt nevermore.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • XxContinualSlinkyxX
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    all i can say is wow...this is amazing...lathon you really outdid urself this time and im in awe...ur the sweetest thing...keep it up babe. love u!


  • pointless.words
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    powerful... and true this war all was is useless and no one's even trying to stop all the blood being spilled... good poem


  • darkknight marellus
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think it'd be better if you wrote the 6th line as a question. 11th line could be punctuated with a colon, or better yet a semi colon, because then the highlighted line would naturally be the end "Blood shall be spilled nevermore." But that last stanza seems a little redundant with the general same line being first and last. Maybe if you changed the first line of the last stanza, it'd be better. Maybe something like "They've spilled blood forever and more..." you know? So you can still have that rhyming effect.

    I really did like this poem overall, the way you've linked money and war together. It does seem that blood runs green nowadays, huh? Sad sad sad. Thanks for your entry! I really do like it. Maybe a spellcheck extra could've been better, but c'est la vie (that's life).
    Great job, and good luck!

    Akasha


  • marciep
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Not bad, not bad at all, I enjoyed reading this...


  • Climbing2nothing
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    we spend so much money on their war,
    so now nobody will have won

    Few niggles with this, extra 'are' in 4TH line, 5TH maybe meant demands? or diamonds? AND 'maybe' in the second from the last, last stanza sounds alot better if evermore was used for this seems alittle contradictary in places maybe an edit would help this shine, I liked your link of money and war, for it is so true that power and greed seems to rule blood these days, ANYWAYS i'm glad my poem inspired you, and remember abstract is a lifes identity...

    W beer and nachoes
    -jas

  • Dobar Dan
    December 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Oh My - I Love It

    It may need a little tweaking to make it flow a little better and the rhyme is great - when you posy the poem there is spell-check - all in all it's a great commentary on the war - what a waist it is - I am glad I came to your site - you feel the same way as I do - Bless God - Joe


  • fluffyvampire
    December 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    you are a very vivid poet and i love your work

1 - 7 of 7