Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Forever Gone

Giving into the pain
Deafening screams take over
Tragedy striking once again
Forgiveness coming to an end
Yet the pain is far from over

Reality setting in
Realizing what needed to be done
Way to late
Now knowing her fate
The end had begun

Time could only tell
Forever living in hell
Not knowing how to deal
Yet not trying either

Pushing everyone away
Having nothing to say
No one ever knew
What she would do

Closing up inside
Finding no trust to confide
Waiting one day to break
Yet not budging for everyone else's sake

Now what to do
Ready to start something new

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 58 of 58

  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply

    Great stuff!!!

    Strong narrative, rhythm & flow that made for a compelling read & enthralled throughout...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • SubKitten
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting piece. The flow was a little choppy from the lack of punctuation at the end of lines, but otherwise it flowed very well. The story told in this piece is something I think everyone can relate to. Great work!


  • LovelyLauren
    March 18
    Edit | Reply
    wow, you have entered this in a lot of contests! lol I wish you the best of luck in all of them, and I think you have a really strong chance of getting a trophy in some of them too, because this poem is quite amazing.
    Thanks for entering this in my contest too.

    Lauren


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    very dark and emotional. it takes me back to a certain place in my life. thanks for entering and good luck.


  • StarEyes
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    What a great read this one is! Something in this one really reaches the depths of a person's heart and soul! Great job!

    Best of luck in the contest!


  • bsikes2000
    March 12

    Edit | Reply

    good

    i liked it but it ended too soon. no conclusion was present although i cant say if one was necesary. overall great poem.


  • SoundsOfSilence
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    The emotion is quite clear, I really like this. You have a lot of talent. Thank you for entering my contest. It is appreciated.
    =}

    ~~KitKat


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is very emotional and quite well writen. You have talent and potental. I've writen many poems myself in this style. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • blondone
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    This poem rings strong with emotions I really like it not sure about the last lines though confusioning for me and I really don't know what to think about this write being in so many contest I've not ever seen that before, but I really like this write I will leave one in the contest lets just see what it does thanks for entering


  • stargardt13
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this poem. Thanks for sharing it with me and entering it into my contest. Your a very talented writer. This poem expressed real emotion.


  • Never Known
    February 19
    Edit | Reply

    THANKS....

    Thanks for the entry love... I must say you have tallent... good luck.


  • Pretty Disaster
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    I must say I had a difficult time following your rhyme scheme...also I think you meant "begun" instead of "begone" in the second stanza, fifth line. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
    --Pretty Disaster

  • Sun-shiney
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    my life is to end its eating away at me i have no way out of this horrid time. just one step i took out of place and for this mistake i pay this fate. the stars of the night sky are shining so high oh please say there is more then this groundly lie.


  • Kathraina silver member
    February 1
    Edit | Reply

    Judged-ola!

    Great piece. Good flow and rhyme!


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering, i love the closing lines.
    Laura.


  • Snow White Queen
    December 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this alot good luck!


  • film noir
    December 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The title reminds me of that song by Evanescence called Forever Gone, Forever you.
    What caused you to feel this way to write this poem? I hope that you don't feel this way anymore. This reminds me how I used to write.

    Anywho, keep up the venting. It helps make things better.

    Good Luck in the Contest!

    - Aly

  • poetyaknoit
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. The emotion lingers in the text. Best of luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    December 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'd like to know what caused you to have such feelings as a main part of the poem.


  • writeroftoast
    November 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good write, but there was a grammatical error. To should have been too once. Also, some rhymes were forced. There were too many rhymes to be free verse, but there was also no definite pattern of rhyming. I absolutely loved the poem itself. It was deep and dark and meaningful as well, but it could be revised. Good luck in the contest.


  • Clayton E Crowley
    November 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very good write. Thank you for entering..


  • NeverRegret
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job im sure many people can really relate. I like how you wrote so little but made a strong point
    Good Luck


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, writing it out is the way to go! Good job with relating your emotions.

    Thanks for entering
    Síochán leat
    ~Mairéad~


  • Priest Winter
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very nicely written with a decent amount of emotion to it. It has a nice flow and rhythm to it although the two lines at the end make it seem somewhat incomplete but that's just my personal opinion. :]
    Great job. :]
    Blessed be!

    ~Winter~


  • Gold-feathers
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely feels like I do sometimes a bit sad course!
    Thats really really wonderful, awesome
    "Pushing everyone away
    Having nothing to say
    No one ever knew
    What she would do"
    Loved these lines! Well it really seems to me the most true story, a truth! I loved it, I really did loved it! It's great! Ythan all feelings in it! Broken feelings, shattered emotions! Good Luck! And plz let your words flow forever!
    That was lovely! Bye


  • fallenangell
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was like reading a story about myself. You made a beautiful peiece that could relate to many of those that self harm. Not many can do that, seen many poems out there that you can relate to some things but not all, you had me sucked in 100% great job A+++


  • Lsh-x
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful write, honest and the pain that lingers around the words are incredible. This is about the need to give up, and just end it all, and you have hit the nail on the head as to how, and which words would be best suited. Staying strong for others around you.

    I admire you for that I really do!
    Keep it together, you have a talent!

    Good luck and thanks for entering


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yeahhh, I've definitely felt this way before. Completely utterly depressed, just wanted to crumble & fall apart, figured I might as well, things couldn't possibly get better. Amazingly penned.

    -Reality setting in
    Realizing what needed to be done
    Way to late
    Now knowing her fate
    The end had begone
    ...

    Definitely very powerful lines. Keep it up. You are a talented writer :] Thanks for entering & best of luck. I'm glad you did the right thing, by writing this, instead of inflicting harm to yourself. ♥


  • PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful great write, thanks for entering good luck
    xx

  • Hovels 2
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    So, this is my second comment and this comment will be about the poem, itself. I promise that I will make this shorter.

    POINTS FOR THE FOLLOWING
    - Following the rules.
    - I like these lines.
    “Giving into the pain
    Deafening screams take over
    Tragedy striking once again”
    It paints a picture of how you have to carry burdens. And when something bad happens, even if it’s a small bad thing, it makes those burdens that you have to carry, that much harder to carry [Tragedy striking once again]. And you just give up and give in to the pain [Giving into the pain]. It’s like you have a panic attack inside of you [Deafening screams take over].
    - I like these lines too.
    “Not knowing how to deal
    Yet not trying either”
    “Pushing everyone away
    Having nothing to say”
    “Closing up inside
    Finding no trust to confide”
    When you are that upset, you just don’t want to try nor talk to anyone. You just want to be upset. Nicely put.
    - I just really like how you wrote this entire poem. You really convey how thoughts and emotions takes you over.

  • Hovels 2
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    For Comfort Zone Contest

    I can see this is your favorite poem, it's enter in so many contests. Haha!

    I don't think you need much advice. The fact that you didn't harm yourself, but instead, wrote a poem, while these negative thoughts and emotions were attacking you at school, shows a lot of courage and wisdom. I know that you said it was because you didn't have anything to hurt yourself with, but if you keep that same mindset, you can get two things out of it. One, GREAT POETRY! Two, not giving in to an addiction. Self harming is like an addiction. I know, because I use to do it, myself. It's great doing it, but I always hated the fact that I HAD to do it. It's like it was against my will. So, I felt like self harming became another thing that was out of my control, but at the same time, it felt good doing it. Because it kept me distracted from the other things that were out of my control. I say whenever you feel like self harming, you should write poetry or do something else, just as productive. In time, it will get easier. If you go back to self harming, that's okay too. Just try again, next time. Every time, you feel like doing it, do something else. In time, that something else that you do in exchange for self harming, will become normal to you. But also, you have to understand that you need to WANT to stop, to actually stop. Do you want to stop?

    Good luck.


  • checkmate
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful work here. it hurt to read this, but there is a lot of strength in your words. the flow is great, except in some parts you could have impoved it a little. and one or two spelling mistakes. but the emotions in your piece are way too strong for the littel details to matter.

    this is a wonderful piece. thank you for your entry.

    -checkmate


  • youhadme-athello.
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very good job.
    Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Beauty Of Silence
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    interesting!

    i like the flow in this, but i think this poem could have been broken up a little, as in into stanzas, becuase it seemed like one clump of words! other than that, the pain was raw and the emotions were powerful! keep penning, thanks for the entry and much luckies to you!

    ~beauty of silence


    • ley527
      August 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      a few other people have told me the same thing, but i cant figure out where the best place to break it up would be


  • SchizoChic
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great expression here, and a much better outlet for pain.


  • SignifyingNothing
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This really made me feel from you, and I can relate surprisingly much to this (I'm bipolar also) Sometimes it really helps to get it out in poem form. Hope you are feeling better, congratulations on the trophies and thanks for entering!


  • Fallen Hard
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    love it

    Love it very good


  • sins and sorrow silver member
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Finding no trust to confide
    Waiting one day to break
    Yet not budging for everyone else's sake
    Now what to do
    Ready to start something new "

    A great powerful piece indeed! One worth of applause!
    Loved it!
    Thanks for entering and best of luck!


  • thearmsofsorrow
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is a really powerful piece. i can really relate to this. and i love the line not budging for everyone elses sake. this poem flows well and it just means alot.It also doesnt sound forced, and it sounds like it comes from the heart and the words arent there just for the sake of rhyming. welldone, thanks for your entry and cheers.


    • ley527
      July 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks . this is the one that I'm most proud of, and I've gotten mixed reviews on it. I'm glad u like it

      • thearmsofsorrow
        July 25, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        no problemo
        i think its coz a lot of people dont really understand the disorder...

        and i guess its the ones that mean the most to us, that other peoeple mostly wont understand because theyre just too personal
        you get what i mean?


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Loved it. "Giving into the pain
    Deafening screams take over
    Tragedy striking once again
    Forgiveness coming to an end
    Yet the pain is far from over
    Reality setting in
    Realizing what needed to be done" that was my favorite part it was very well worded.thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly

  • aaaaaaaa
    April 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is powerful. knowing the back story to this really makes it ten times better. the last line: "Ready to start something new" made me shudder. very nice write.


  • EmmaLuLu
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    sad!


  • jbbrandi
    April 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I definitely like this one. The last few lines were my favorite part. Um....I don't know what to say, but it's really good! Good job, and good luck in the contest(s)!


  • Bull3t2b1n0ry
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is good thank you for entering my contes


  • z etoile
    March 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome I can see why its your favorite I liked it a lot great job!


  • Great Cthulhu
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    I enjoyed the cycle from pain to hope through your write. I would have liked to see a more complete proofread. This has the beginning of a very powerful poem. I would like to see where you could go with it, utilizing a few more poetic devises. Wonderful start!


  • GypsyEyes
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah this was flippin' amazing! hecka loved it! great job! thank you for entering and best of luck to you! NineTailedFox

  • BlankSillhouette
    February 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this in the contest. I loved the emotion expressed in this heartfelt, sad, poem. The somberness of it is by itself moving. Again thanks for the entry,
    and best of luck in the contest. Keep up the great writes!

    XBlankSillhouetteX


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    February 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well written and good luck in the contest!


  • luna-midnight gold member
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww this is really sad but beautiful, great write, keep up the amazing work, and good luck in teh contests =)
    stephanie. =)


  • De-Throned
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great emotion in this. This was really thought through i can tell. It screams with your thoughts and feelings and that is really good. My Favorite part was:
    Way to late
    Now knowing her fate
    The end had begone
    Time could only tell
    Forever living in hell
    Good luck in the contest.
    De-Throne


  • adsaige
    January 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Such an interesting take. how was this inspired by my prompts? I wonder. thank you for entering.


  • jacbgd2 gold member
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good write!!!!  So expressive of the inner meaning of a young depressed soul.. Although, I am no longer young, I can still recall those times in my life.... This poem in really very good, even-though, very sad!!!!!!


  • Fedrizzi
    December 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very lovely if i do say so myself (^.^) ty for entering


  • LilyRose
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Weaving

    Ahhh I like this...life's woven pain of innerself, society, within cramped places and limited choices. Leaves the reader to wonder what "something new" will be...nice write!!

1 - 58 of 58