Night men cut his soil
in half,
so we could plant wasted flesh
in mourning.
I added a rose,
witnessed it fall forever-
into darkness.
Author notes
Words: 25
I still see that rose falling into the dark.
In a list
A contest entry
- a moment by Suzanne Dia.
450 points, ended December 4, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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it was beautifully written and complete in it's sorrow... but a little more obvious than your usual pieces... i liked it alot though... in that it made sad (never been to a funeral though, so i can't entirely relate, only imagine)...
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Phew...very sad...well represented...
congrats
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heart-wrenching... this is beautiful...
saddening and intense in its stark imagery and tenderly worded honesty!
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you nailed this.
thank you for understanding what i wanted from this contest.
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I understand this "moment". Have had far too many of them this year. Yes, they linger, every sorrowful second stops to remind. Beautiful imagery, and a somber but excellent take on the prompt. I wish you the best in the Comp.
Much Love & Happy Holidays ♥
Renee
(This rose will not fall)
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I read this last night, I really really like where you took this. It IS sad, but that image, that rose falling is so powerfully beautiful. Count on you to plant such a real image in my brain.
(this one doesn't fall, it grows)
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Sad and chilling at the same time. A very strong image.
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ouch
this cuts to the very core of it Kate.. the essence of loss and the dark flowers of time... so sad and needy and yet they wither too
really well done... good luck in the contest darlin girl
G.x
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Funerals do seem to live in one's mind for a great period of time afterwards. Well, at least that's what I've been told. All the people in my life who have passed away have died slowly and with warning... enough warning for me to distance myself. I can't handle death... I'd rather pretend it hasn't happened.
One day I will wake up. Until then the world is a nice rose color and life and love go on forever.
This is good. Got me thinking--
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Deep
Within few words you have displayed very deep feelings LO-AMO!!!!! SALUTE!!! -
This is fantastic- heartbreaking, even... it wrenches the soul, and can call up some past memory in almost everyone. This reminds me of a funeral of one of my friend's mother. She was standing, watching her mom's coffin be lowered, and started dropping the petals of a rose one by one. An excellent piece-
Cassidy
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