I oftentimes resent the end of sleep,
for waking means the dreams come to an end.
I find myself within them buried deep,
where walls of truth and fancy sweetly blend,
and sigh because the cost is way too steep
for me to stay, and so I just pretend . . .
that logic reigns within these eyes of green;
in wearing of façades, I am the queen.
Am I a changeling 'midst the human race,
a soul at odds with this reality,
whose true birth was in some enchanted place,
one unknown to corporeality,
perhaps explaining this, my endless chase
to fathom what the horde deems "sanity",
and why my stubborn mind has sought to roam
deep into realms beyond where most call home . . .
Author notes
An ottava rima: written in 8-line octaves. Each line is of a 10 or 11 syllable count in the following rhyme:
one octave poem. abababcc
two octave poem. abababcc, dededeff
three octave poem. abababcc, dededeff, ghghghii
Title: latin for "discordant harmony"
Changeling: a child surreptitiously or unintentionally substituted for another
A contest entry
- Invite Only 6 by Laura Lamarca.
700 points, ended December 14, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Only Bronze !!!
Surely this work deserves Gold
Eyes don`t lie and not too old
What do they need to behold
Perhaps virtue has been sold
Alas we`ll never be told
Unless we enter the fold
Rather dissolve into mold
Surely this work deserves Gold -
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Thanks, Bob.
Fortunately life has reversed itself, so that it is now much more interesting to stay awake. 
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ooo, very cool. =D I've often wondered at sleep and how at night you just melt from reality to dreams... But then when you awaken dreams just snap back into reality and I often find it unpleasant. You capture this essence very well in your poem, beautiful word choices and your rhyming is also very smooth. Excellent job here!
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The first stanza especially speaks to me...transition from sleeping to waking, from dream to life, can be shattering at times, difficult to overcome, and the poem captures that hesitance well
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Beautifully written and intelligent!
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Excellent Writing
The rhyming in this poem convinced me to add you to my Favorites List.
I feel that this poem is exquisitely beautiful. I especially like these lines:Am I a changeling 'midst the human race,
a soul at odds with this reality,
whose true birth was in some enchanted place,
one unknown to corporeality,because "one unknown to corporeality" is how I picture us in Heaven having fully recognizable bodies, but made of light, not flesh.
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Beautiful form and content, a wonderful expression which made me think of how so many great artists live a little bit outside mainstream reaality... I loved "Am I a changeling 'midst the human race,
a soul at odds with this reality,
whose true birth was in some enchanted place,
one unknown to corporeality," Congratulations on bronze!
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We are all special in our minds eye;
As we have approval from the sky. -
I LOVE the structure of this. The rhyme scheme reminds me of a sonnet which is my favorite style. And the detail you included in this was just beautiful. Very nicely done. Good luck in both of the contests!
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I can relate to this poem in many ways Is there a website where the latin translations for your titles. If so I might check it sometime. Also If I can borrow this poem this would grat. Thank you
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This is amazing!!! ^-^ Good Luck in the contest!
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Very nice ottava rima, done with great word usage and nice images created from it. Thanks for sharing it and good luck in the contest.
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You are a master of imagery... everything I have read by you is just mind-blowing... I just drift along your words until they stop, then I sit and wonder where the rest of them are... you are truly talented and I'm s very glad that you are a fellow Bandit!
Keep writing
Polly -
Octive?
Does your choice of the first person singular change the spelling of 'octave'? Had you composed in the second person; would 'octuve' have ruled? It seems to me ottava would be a couplet cubed.
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Hahahaha! That's what I get for mindlessly copying and pasting without really seeing. It wasn't my choice of spelling, believe me!
I'm blaming someone else.
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Ggeez,
your good.
Wow.
youa er very talented and i like your writings a lot.
..Simply Me♥ -
Brillant write so well written
So well enjoyed it love the concept of the write. I reminded me of a dream I have and was upset because I woke up. Because is was such a wonderful dream. Thanks for the wonderful read
LISA
Your write are always so magnificent.
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Very well written poetry here a lovely flow and I also chase that question this is a great write I wish the best in the contest
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TERRIFIC PIECE. I enjoyed this Ottaca Rima. you have done a terific job with this form. Good luck in the contest.
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Very good write
I enjoyed this write very much
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A very good write and skillfully crafted Ottava Rima. Good flow, rhyme and tone. Nice depth of feeling. Good word choice and assonance. Well penned and much enjoyed.
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I liked this alot. Sometimes, I don't want to wake from my dreams either but there is always the next night.
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The soul of a poet, who roams beyond the sights and sensations before us.
and why my stubborn mind desires to roam
into the realms beyond where most call home.
spiral notebook
clutched in her hand
the pathway home
Always write, gifted poet. A glorious poem.
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The first stanza is far and away ...
the best. It doesn't seem forced at all. The second however not only seems forced, but it also seems much more mundane. Some suggestions:
Am I a changeling 'midst the human race, (Changeling am I amidst an august race)
a soul lost in this gray reality, (a soul lost in a grim reality)
whose true birth was within another place, (was in another place)
one stranger to corporeality? (one far stranger than corporeality?)
It could explain my seeming endless chase (Perhaps this explains my endless chase)
to understand the common "sanity" . . . (to comprehend a common sanity)
and why my stubborn mind desires to roam (mind still yearns to roam)
into the realms beyond where most call home. (into realms out past where most call home)
That wouldn't sound quite so pedestrian. As to the form itself, it's okay, it just doesn't work for me the way a sonnet does.
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You never fail to please, not only with your words but with the intracies of the forms, I couldn,t choose a line as every one is worthy of comment it is so smoothe and revealing,
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So often one does not want to wake, as the dream we are having is so wonderful. Living though in reality is quite different and we cannot go back and forth between the two. Liked this form and the way you have expressed your sentiments so well.
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"where walls of truth and fancy sweetly blend,
and sigh because the cost is way too steep
for me to stay, and so I just pretend . . ." I really, really like these lines. The rhyme is great and it just flowed from line to line making it very easy to read. -
gorgeous very well penned the flow was seamless and i love that title it just rolls of the tounge and it fits the piece so well thank you for sharing it was a pleasure to read
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I found no discord while reading this excellently penned ottava rima that you chose to share with us. As always you capture your reader with your elegant verbiage and intense subject matter. This flowed quite smoothly and the rhythm and rhyme were both spot on. I'm never disappointed when I stop to read anything that you write. Best wishes for you in the contest and kudos on the work. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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