There are times when I walk out in sub-zero weather
right in the middle of summer
and bath feels like a polar plunge
and I am gut-punched by the sweetest memory
because your grip on me
is constant winter and stomach-clench
prognosis for a long seriously cold death
Author notes
Prompt: It only hurts when I breathe
In a list
A contest entry
- It only hurts when I breathe (NO SUICIDE & NO CUTTING) by ellipsist.
875 points, ended December 22, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very nice. It captures both the physical and the psychological effects of love through its imagery. I'm not sure that the comma after 'because' is needed; the stanza spacing automatically provides a pause in just the right place, it seems. But other than that minor quibble, everything is just as it should be.
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good poem....
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Your Prompt, says it all...
"and I am gut-punched by the sweetest memory
because, your grip on me
is constant winter"
...Sighhh, I Know, M'Lady!
~ Nicky♥
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i haven't quite felt this, but your descriptions bring these sensations and emotions to light/life so vividly that i feel as though i have felt them...
does that make any sense?
powerful!
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how sharply painful~
like a sucker punch to vitals. sigh.
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