Untilled smoke strewn across
the fallow lands,
resides an arid disaster cultivated
by empty hands.
Tyranny ruined a vacant world
left behind so unstable,
searching for a desolate sky
above the darkened sable.
Quietude gropes the meadows
of frozen solitary,
contrasting bitterness into
a broken apology.
If you find me astray
lying underneath the barrow,
close your eyes and sleep with me
tangled within the leas of yellow.
Author notes
I haven't written a rhyming poem in AGES. But I found myself fascinated with this, halfway through I realized it was rhyming, and I went with it. It flows well in my opinion and isn't forced!
A contest entry
- Poetic Masters by Climax.
1600 points, ended August 31, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Thanks!
Thanks for the entry...
Just that simply!
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I know what you mean about realizing halfway through that you're rhyming. But hey, if it works... I like it. Yay! Again, with the vocabulary
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Normans comment shows that this has been in a previous contest. The rules state that not only should the entry not have won a trophy but also it should not have been entered in any other contests. Sorry as much as I like this I must DQ.
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Thank you for entering my contest
I agree with you, this doesn't seem that forced and flows quite well, it's length is good, sometimes the major problem with rhyming poems is they drag on, and this was bang on... the ending was a really positive piece of imagery.
~ Norm -
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Thank you hun!!
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Yeah I too got a sense of sadness here. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for your comment. Yeah it was kind of funny
All the best
Pozo
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I sense a hue of sadness within this where it leaves one breathless within it's words of meaning.
I did enjoy this my friend!~
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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You are amazing and the ones that rhyme automatically as they escape your mind and soul through your pen are the most amazing
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beautiful! I'm a fan of rhyming poetry myself and this piece flowed so smoothly and still captured the image that you wanted to be bought forth through this piece. Enjoyed it immensely!
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Well I can see your fascination with this one.
The choice of words is brilliant.
Well done.
Thank you for sharing. -
Beautiful piece of work, it gets better each time you read it. The final stanza in particular is perfectly formed.
Thanks for sharing!
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This is great.You may not have done it in ages but you would never know.It is really good and as you said the words flowed well and the ryhming was good.You were not hard to follow with your thoughts and they were great.Good job!
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Brilliant, You truely get a picture in your head from what you are reading. Maybe you should try rhyming more often!
Great stuff -
Fantastic...I adore this...The flow is beautiful, I love the language..very well done..smiles
Peace and many blessings
~A~
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Now this is a classic. The rythme and ryhme is perfect, and reads easy, not smudged like some I see.
The vocab used is well placed too, great word usage
and makes the story behind it visible. Brilliant.
Thanks for this one.
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